Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Mars on July 19, 2008, 02:57:23 am
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I'm beginning to think I'm downright crazy, or stupid, or just selfish.
I keep getting in big fights with my parents... my mom mostly. Big fights, yelling, screaming, glaring at each other, trying to make each other feel like ****. After a half hour of this I'm usually at the point where I want to hurt my parents, but I'm unwilling to do it, so I'll lash out on the nearest inanimate object.
This is less bad if it's an object like a door, which is destroyed by a punch and just leaves a big bill for me to pay in dish, trash, and catbox chores, but sometimes I end up getting hurt, in stupid ways.
I don't know if any of you remember when I came on here after cutting my tendon with a butter knife after fighting about drinking, but that is one example of this. The thing is, it keeps happening, and I don't know how to stop it.
I don't know a thing about mental help, but I really don't have the money to go to a full fledged therapist... but on the other hand, I don't have the money to keep on getting hurt, and I don't have the will to go on like this...
What the hell do I do? I'm trying to get a job so I can move out, but no one is hiring. And besides, it's pretty obvious at least part of the problem is ME, and I want to fix me, so I don't end up being an abusive, destructive person. My little brothers shouldn't have to live with this either.
Weird place to ask for this type of advice, but I had to ask somewhere.
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Learn to control your anger. When you find yourself getting angry, try to concentrate on something totally and unbelivable boring or hilarious. Like the Vasudan pin up doll. Or when you find youself getting angry, repeat to yourself "If I get angry I'm a bastard." Untill you cool down.
My home is like this. 'Cept its my elder brother and my mom. I'm the second eldest, and I usually have to sheperd my younger two brothers away from the combat zone.
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Whenver I get angry, I just load up some game and in a few minutes, it takes my mind away from the anger, and I feel fine.
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When I get angry, I let people know damn sure of it.
It works.
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Thanks Stormkeeper, that insight really is nice, because I honestly don't know how these events are effecting my little brothers. Concentrating on something random, something other than the situation, is definitely good advice.
Thanks ShadowGorrath, and believe me, I would if I could. In other situations I think that would be an excellent idea.
When I get angry, I let people know damn sure of it.
It works.
I think I'm doing this quite successfully... but it doesn't, in fact, work... but thanks for the thought
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get new parents
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What are you fighting about? Are you sure those issues are worth the trouble they are causing?
Try to see the bigger picture. I made a small illustration about it below :)
(http://www.joskus.jossain.com/anger.png)
The white background is the world.
The black ellipse represents your best shot interpretation of the world, field of vision if you like.
The red dot represents your interpretation of the world when you are angry.
See how anger shrinks all your abilities? In that position, when you need to defend your point the most, you have the least ability to do so.
I think it all boils down to what you value the most. If the issues you are fight for are worth spending your life in hole, the maybe there is no choice. Or is there?
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Whenver I get angry, I just load up some game and in a few minutes, it takes my mind away from the anger, and I feel fine.
Unless its Tron and you have to pass a grid race. >.>
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Whenver I get angry, I just load up some game and in a few minutes, it takes my mind away from the anger, and I feel fine.
Unless its Tron and you have to pass a grid race. >.>
Or if it's taking down SF Dragons in FS.
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Channel your anger into something productive. Whenever you feel angry, go do some weights, play a violent video-game, torture a family pet. Make sure that when you're feeling right in the head again, you feel you've accomplished something.
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torture a family pet
How is THAT productive?
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If you get angry, end the argument and leave. Get some distance between them and you. Walk, ride, drive, whatever. It's very difficult to stay white hot angry at someone for hours on end if you're not actually looking/yelling at them. Time and distance, think whatever you're arguing about through and then go back.
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Sing the theme song..... "I feel pretty...."
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Mars, if I were you I would go get some help. You may find you don't need a full-time therapist, maybe just a little advice. There's lots of reasons you might be feeling crappy, and some of them could be down to your age, job, school, relationships, hormones... you get the idea.
Not that I buy into all that hippy stuff or anything. I know of a few people who got quite minor medical help just to set them on the right track. A little wobble in your mental health isn't much different from catching a bug that just won't piss off without antibiotics. Nothing major, nothing to be ashamed of, but it causes you a few problems that can be fixed pretty easily with outside help.
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I'm a bad follower of my own advice on this, but I would recommend that when you get that angry, you need to get out of the house and run, exercise, ride your bike... some kind of physical outlet for all that aggression. At least part of it is almost undoubtedly chemical, and strenous exercise is a good way to allow your body's endocrine system to clean itself out. Like I said, I'm a bad follower of my own advice, but, when I have been really stressed out and went on a good long run, I've always felt better and a lot more "in-control" afterwards. Plus it gives you time alone to think and put things in perspective.
Platitudes about how, "This is your only family," etc. sound rather trite, but I do think it is worth mentioning all the same. These are relationships you really don't want to sabotage if it isn't too late. They are human and imperfect like everyone else, but they may be the only ones willing to pull your ass out of the fire someday when you really need someone to help you. I think you realize that or you wouldn't be asking for help in the first place.
For what little the words of a complete stranger are worth, I hope this helps.
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torture a family pet
How is THAT productive?
sometimes its more fun to torture the family :D
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I don't think this is helping.
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from what i remember from psyche 101, this **** is uaually the parents fault :D
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Definitely not your fault. Talking about it is the first step to control it. It takes time though so be prepared, which i'm soure you already are.
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Well I'm no expert but if you like hitting stuff and it makes you feel better get one of those heavy bags you always see in movie scenes that involve boxing. Beat the hell out of it until you fell better. You don't break anything and all that gets sore are your hands and muscles. Buy gloves (boxing or otherwise) to to cut down on cutting your hands.
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Taking up some martial arts is a great healthy consideration as well.
But do it with someone reputable and not "Fight Club" :wtf:
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I'm beginning to think I'm downright crazy, or stupid, or just selfish.
I keep getting in big fights with my parents... my mom mostly. Big fights, yelling, screaming, glaring at each other, trying to make each other feel like ****. After a half hour of this I'm usually at the point where I want to hurt my parents, but I'm unwilling to do it, so I'll lash out on the nearest inanimate object.
This is less bad if it's an object like a door, which is destroyed by a punch and just leaves a big bill for me to pay in dish, trash, and catbox chores, but sometimes I end up getting hurt, in stupid ways.
I don't know if any of you remember when I came on here after cutting my tendon with a butter knife after fighting about drinking, but that is one example of this. The thing is, it keeps happening, and I don't know how to stop it.
I don't know a thing about mental help, but I really don't have the money to go to a full fledged therapist... but on the other hand, I don't have the money to keep on getting hurt, and I don't have the will to go on like this...
What the hell do I do? I'm trying to get a job so I can move out, but no one is hiring. And besides, it's pretty obvious at least part of the problem is ME, and I want to fix me, so I don't end up being an abusive, destructive person. My little brothers shouldn't have to live with this either.
Weird place to ask for this type of advice, but I had to ask somewhere.
Run. Yes, run. Run, I hear Banjos! :shaking: 'First, they get inside your head. And you may not notice it, but then they start to control you. And eventually, it drives you crazy. So, the best option to lower the pain: RUN. I Hear Banjos...' :nod:The banjos make people insane by repeating the first 30 secs for over 24, 7... :sigh:
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i think an important thing to remember is that has a lot to do with your age (im not trying to patronise )
its a difficult period the late teens as your are becoming a fully fledged adult and at the same time when living with parents you are still in there eyes a child, when looking back at the arguements you are having with your parents see if there is a common factor in all of these....
try to address issues before they come to a head..;
remember that in these situations no-one is right or wrong , family relations can be difficult. Try to find a moment when things are going well with your parents and talk not about what you have been argueing about but how the arguements unfold, explain how this is affecting you and how you are reacting too this (try to give each person the time to speak freely without interuptions or judgements and try not to get angry)
As for therapy when its a family issue the whole family needs to do this ,, not just one individual within that family unit...
if things are too difficult and you find that trying to talk does not work, explain to your parents calmly that you need some time to think and write your thoughts and arguements down , this will give you time to calm down and explain in a coherant way ... then give this letter, note to your parents, but do not use this as your only communication with your parents....
what else can i say , good luck this period will pass and with time life moves on ,
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This is indeed the basis for many of our arguments; and yours is an excellent suggestion. The problem we (my family in general) have been running into is that none of us are very good at talking about anything, after these fights we will all simply pretend they never happened, and any attempt to talk in an adult fashion about the issues we had been fighting about will be ignored.
I remember one argument in particular (this is obviously from my perspective, it's certainly not an accurate reflection of what happened)
Coming home from the last off a five week class I had to attend for drinking a wine cooler (yes a wine cooler) near school property:
me: Well that was stupid (referring to the class)
father: What do you mean?
me: I mean they didn't really get into my motivation for doing what I did.
father: Well you're young, and your brain isn't fully developed
me: And so?
father: You don't have very good judgment.
me: And what does that have to do with anything?
father: Your headstrong and ignorant.
me: Yes, okay, we've established this, what's your point?
father: That you don't have all your faculties yet
me: but... but why does that matter?! Why are you telling me this?
father: Don't talk smart with me!
*situation deteriorates ends with me banging down on the dinner table with a butter knife and cutting my tendon*
My problem is these fights usually occur in a closed situation where I really can't go off by myself, or calm down... I suppose I've never tried just shutting my mouth... I think I'll do that next time.
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as for your fathers arguement that your brain isnt fully developed .... ermmm welll your brain is actually working a lot better than his and mine in reality , its just you havent had the time to learn to emotionaly duck things that are thrown at you so your reaction returns too fight or flight and as your not afraid you fight,
learn too duck its not that hard , and learn to talk as a family its great when it works, within your family heirachy choose the parent you find it easier to talk with and if you have the opportunity outside of the famiy home start to talk ....
its hard at first but gets easier
ps
avoid sharp objects
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Coming home from the last off a five week class I had to attend for drinking a wine cooler (yes a wine cooler) near school property:
me: Well that was stupid (referring to the class)
father: What do you mean?
me: I mean they didn't really get into my motivation for doing what I did.
father: Well you're young, and your brain isn't fully developed
me: And so?
father: You don't have very good judgment.
me: And what does that have to do with anything?
father: Your headstrong and ignorant.
me: Yes, okay, we've established this, what's your point?
father: That you don't have all your faculties yet
me: but... but why does that matter?! Why are you telling me this?
father: Don't talk smart with me!
*situation deteriorates ends with me banging down on the dinner table with a butter knife and cutting my tendon*
My problem is these fights usually occur in a closed situation where I really can't go off by myself, or calm down... I suppose I've never tried just shutting my mouth... I think I'll do that next time.
You... You do realize that, in that little exchange, your father appears to be calm while you come off sounding like some sort of jabbering mental patient. I think drugs are the answer. Ritalen, Catapress B, Weed, it's all the same junk, just take some. It'll calm you the **** down before you give into the little voices and the neighbours are calling the police about the horrible stench after you and your family "disappear" for several weeks.
Seriously, everyone gets angry, just deal with it. Walk away, mellow out. If it's really a problem, seriously consider pot. You're in high-school, so it shouldn't be too hard to hunt down the class dealer. Light up when you're feeling agitated, and feel it melt away. As long as you keep it from becoming an addiction, it should really help you.
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I think drugs are the answer. Ritalen, Catapress B, Weed, it's all the same junk, just take some
eeeek please whatever you do avoid all of these solutions
after 20 years of working with young ppl and personal experience in my life suppressing reactions and problems does not make them go away, ritalin will turn you into an emotional and intellectual zombie weed will make you paranoid , for me these are not solutions but extra problems to deal with,
ok im gunna stop my doctor bob speech
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I think drugs are the answer. Ritalen, Catapress B, Weed, it's all the same junk, just take some
eeeek please whatever you do avoid all of these solutions
after 20 years of working with young ppl and personal experience in my life suppressing reactions and problems does not make them go away, ritalin will turn you into an emotional and intellectual zombie weed will make you paranoid , for me these are not solutions but extra problems to deal with,
ok im gunna stop my doctor bob speech
Ritalin i'll agree with, but weed... well, let's just say that if you live in the world we live in and you're not paranoid, something is seriously wrong with you.
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Anyone advocating drug use should be thrown into a bfred. Drugs are not the answer, they're escapes for sissies who can't handle life, so they run away and dope themselves up so bad they can't think anymore and then ***** about how drugs ruined their lives.
Life can suck. Drugs will only make it suck worse.
If your pissed off, go outside, hang a ball or something similar on a rope, tie the rope to a tree branch, pick up a stick, and hit it. And then hit it again. And over and over and over and over. Before you know it, a half hour will have gone by, and you'll be having fun instead of being pissed off.
Of course, I prefer to use a machete, but hey, thats me...
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Anyone advocating drug use should be thrown into a bfred. Drugs are not the answer, they're escapes for sissies who can't handle life, so they run away and dope themselves up so bad they can't think anymore and then ***** about how drugs ruined their lives.
Life can suck. Drugs will only make it suck worse.
If your pissed off, go outside, hang a ball or something similar on a rope, tie the rope to a tree branch, pick up a stick, and hit it. And then hit it again. And over and over and over and over. Before you know it, a half hour will have gone by, and you'll be having fun instead of being pissed off.
Of course, I prefer to use a machete, but hey, thats me...
im quite shocked at how many ppl here have posted that the solution to being angry is to break , hit something , ok a concentrated physical action to change the emotional and chemical level in your body but hit something , not sure .....
this is just a personal opinion but for me violence does not help with anger , for me it is a bad reaction to being angry....; and the step between hitting an inanimate object and the person infront of you is not a large one to take if we condition ourselves to believe that when we are angry that we should hit something.....
a step back or away from the problem is probably a better solution;;;;;;
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It might be worthwile to point out a difference between young and slightly older people and how they get angry. When young people get angry, it is mostly a feeling. Little bit older people don't get that angry, the better word would be irritated since there is some brain control behind the feeling. For older people, I would recommend against hiding your irritation, especially if induced by working place. As long as it doesn't get to a yelling competition it should do quite well and relieve your stress. Mind you, a good curse word will help time by time.
Here, for adults (hah!) like me the best anger management method is to go up and start punching a rock. About yelling to parents, I cannot really advice of that since I never had to. Yeah they were complaining about my inactivity and not doing my chores, but it never got that bad. Come to think about it, when during the 16 to 18 years-old time I wasn't that much home any more, evenings consisting of playing badminton and floorball - and occasionally homework. But hobbies could help, depending on the situation. I think the majority of arguments between parents and youngsters could be avoided with some hobbies on youngsters side (supported by parents, that is), but then there are cases when that is absolutely inadvised and the whole family would need advice from a psychologist.
Mika
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Looking at your age, you probably graduated, but my school hosts anger management sessions, you might wanna check.
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Anyone advocating drug use should be thrown into a bfred. Drugs are not the answer, they're escapes for sissies who can't handle life, so they run away and dope themselves up so bad they can't think anymore and then ***** about how drugs ruined their lives.
Life can suck. Drugs will only make it suck worse.
If your pissed off, go outside, hang a ball or something similar on a rope, tie the rope to a tree branch, pick up a stick, and hit it. And then hit it again. And over and over and over and over. Before you know it, a half hour will have gone by, and you'll be having fun instead of being pissed off.
Of course, I prefer to use a machete, but hey, thats me...
Ha! I thuaght you were about to suggest hanging himself.
Well anyway...
If your aproaching adulthood and your getting into arguements such as these to do with chores,age,the age of your brain, etc... These are things your perents should not have control of at your age. Think about it; why do your perents have you do chores all day while they stay lying on the couches all day watching TV and eating their TV dinner. This is usually a sign that your perents prefare time to themselves most of the time. They usually prefare to have you do all the chores because they can't be bothered to themselves.
Ask them what their lives were like before you were born. if they say something like "Well, life was hard because there was so much work to do and you weren't here." well then that makes it a childs responsibility to do chores then. But you are an adult now. If they start treating you like a child again and sayingthat your brain is not complete yet then they just can't accept the fact that you are no child who obeys their every whim. Tell them that as an adult you now longer need to do chores anymore. Your perents didn't have to so why should you?
Another thing is anger. Yes, your father spoke quietly and didn't get very angry but you did. However it seems that even your perents get angry sometimes. Just teach yourself that your and your perents anger is also the problem.
If there is anything I know about arguements, is that they can end simply by knowing who's fault it is. If you know that the fight started because of you then you had best apologize whcih should end it then. But if the fight started because of your perents then you tell them why. if they won't believe that it's their fault then turn the tables on them and become their perents. A simple "I won't be treated like a child any more!"
I hope that solves your problem. If your in a really bad mood them watch something either very funny, very dramatic or very scary.
Allways remember, if you are an adult now then DO NOT take "You brain isn't developed enough" as an answer. I'm not even 20 and I'm already a rocket scientists. :nod:
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I have no problem doing chores, I have no problem doing work, I don't mind trying to help out the family. That sort of thing isn't about control, it's about living in a house with other people; everyone needs to do something or things will go downhill.
I do have a problem with my father repeating himself over and over again to tell me I'm stupid, even when it has nothing to do with the conversation for instance.
My father was, in fact, yelling just as loudly as I was in this particular case; at that time neither of us were.
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Well, I have to admit that sometimes, I get enraged enough I want to break the person making me angry. XD My solution usually ends up with me walking away and brooding about how I hate them (don't do this. Not fun. Just makes me feel evil...), or I come up with a way to turn it on them by using my bran (analyzing, evaluating, planning). And usually comes out with either them mad or me winning. In that position, I can easily beat the school kids around me with just my logic. >:3
But I don't suggest either option I showed. Perhaps I shouldn't have posted them, but it provides for analysis as to what you can do. :P You'll fgure t out eventualy. Also, no drugs. They'll make you'r anger problem worse (no offense)
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It probably won't work for other people, but I just take a few deep breaths, lock myself in my room, scream at the top of my voice for five minutes, start screaming some more until my throat is sore, and then coming back down with my Dalek T-shirt.
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I just win every argument that my parents throw at me by using logic, and if that fails, I go out with my friends.
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lol logic wins again! =D
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My parents are always right. :rolleyes:
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then I shall prove them wrong. Have them tell you what letter my name starts with! XD
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Taking drugs = bad... very bad! If you say you are trying to save up to get a new life for yourself then giving away all that money to someone who would give you poison just to make yourself feel good (Cheating at life) is not the way to do it.
Clecampbess is right. Logic can make your oponent in an argument see the truth most of the time. If they do not then... your brain is more developed then theirs. Going out with your friends I think is good too. It helps take your mind off it and gives you something fun to do.
As for your father going on about your deceased neural activity and experience, you should just tell him that you won't be treated like a child any more.
If you like chores then there is no objection if you want to do them. But remember all the other things I have said about arguments. There are sites on the internet which give you tips on winning fights like that.
Best of luck to you, Mars. I hope things improve well for you. :yes:
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Take up a sport or an exercise routine, Burn off that tense anger stuff. . . . .
Or aty least hide from everyone til those pesky teenage hormones wear off. :yes:
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Or aty least hide from everyone til those pesky teenage hormones wear off. :yes:
My parents managed to suppress those by beating me up every time I opened my mouth.
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My parents managed to suppress those by beating me up every time I opened my mouth.
And still some eggheads claim that physically punishing one's children only does harm.
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Funny thing is, I didn't really care, it didn't hurt that much. Accidents, like getting run over by some freaking truck driver, hurt more.
It was the emotional strain that made me sad. :(
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Unreal Tournament + Flak cannon = Excellent stress relief.
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Sometimes when people over the internet piss me off I start feeling dizzy. :wtf:
It happens a lot when Mobius is around.
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Unreal Tournament + Flak cannon = Excellent stress relief.
http://www.gadgetpages.com/product.php?xProd=448
No these are better ;7
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this is just a personal opinion but for me violence does not help with anger , for me it is a bad reaction to being angry....; and the step between hitting an inanimate object and the person infront of you is not a large one to take if we condition ourselves to believe that when we are angry that we should hit something
Hitting things is not the best reaction to anger. It is, however, the most effective at relieving it :D
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http://www.gadgetpages.com/product.php?xProd=448
No these are better ;7
Those are disgusting... :ick:
And I just know somebodys going to say, "oh yeah only because you're gay!"
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that... was... disturbing. :eek: Although it's obvious that someone wold make it. >< *sigh* the evolution of humanity... D:
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They're disgusting because the b00bs are filled with PMS and other carcinogenic causing hormones.
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like I said: disturbing. :eek:
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I suggest watching YouTube Poop or talking to your girlfriend, or your best friend at the very least.
If you choose the latter, try looking at videos from link123456, Deepercutt or WalrusGuy, or search for Speed Racers Revenge, Speed Raper Revenge, In Before Hiatus or Hiatus Before Out.
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You mean the former.
The very last thing you should do when angry is take your anger out on someone else. Be mindful of the things you do when your angry. If you do take it out on someone, always apologies and ask for their forgiveness.
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No offense dude, but your dad seems like kind of a dick. You found fault with the correctional class and instead of listening to your complaint/concern, he dismissed it as the whinings of a undeveloped semi-human being. Honestly, just because you're a teenager and you brain is still forming doesn't somehow make all of your thoughts and decisions invalid and childish. I HATE when adults pull that "oh well, I'm not going to listen to you because you're not a human being yet" bull****. Honestly, I know the feeling precisely. However, I can't get worked up into an almighty fury because I may be incredibly pissed on the inside, but if I even dare to yell at my dad, he'll lose control, and short of getting the hell out of there and locking my ****ing door, there's not much to do at that point. I HAVE to keep calm, and trust me, even with that anger simmering on the burner, forcing youself to keep a cool head makes your arguments so much better. Cold anger gives you the motivation of rage and the logic of calm. Often times when I KNOW, when I absolutely, positively KNOW I'm right and my parents are either missing the issue or won't admit they were wrong, I make them scream first and I can simply stand there, safe in knowing they can't prove me wrong while my dad rages and sputters and yells because HE knows that I know I've won. Try looking at it like a competition. Even though you're right, angry people wont see reason. If you have to get your point across, get as pissed off as you want but think analytical thoughts about them, note their emotional state, listen to what they are saying and counter it, MAKE SURE to bring the topic back on track if it starts to stray so they can't get out of it and drive into a dangerous territory and deal with only the issue, use a deadly level voice, maintain eye contact at ALL times and eventually, if you ARE infact right, they will have nothing left to use, will probably yell a lot and they WILL scapegoat as long as you are determined enough, something, like "I don't want to hear another word" or "get out of my sight" or "case closed" and at that point you LEAVE. GO back to your room and write or internally monologue. You won't feel bad because you didn't yell or hit things. Try writing or planning a manuscript of the argument, as though you were presenting it to a friend to convince them you won. Point out the flaws your parents made, show what you did right, be a salesperson. Eventually, you'll feel really good about yourself for being the better man and you can face them the next day without fear. They on the other hand will feel bad about yelling at someone who was talking calmly and although they are not likely to change their opinion, nobody can lie to themselves well enough so that they don't feel that they lost on some level when they are jumping and screaming and completely unable to deter their opponent who keeps up with calm, serious statements, who won't look away and has a counter to every point you have. Once they have felt that they lost on some level, people are generally more inclined to consider what you said and you may be surprised at how people will change when you don't make a tool of yourself. They can't be mad at you because you haven't done anything but be indomitable and right and they CAN be mad at themselves for flying off the handle. I've actually had my parents APOLOGIZE to me using this approach. If you were WRONG, then one of two things can happen, 1: they can't prove it and they scapegoat, meaning you've won anyways 2: They come up with a decent argument and you consider it, counterpoint, they counter and now it's a debate, with logic, not emotion ruling it. MUCH better at this point and if you know you're not 100% in the right, admit your faults, insist they admit theirs (but not overly) and end the debate on a calm note.
I warn you, this WILL breed unhealthy views of your parents. Constantly seeing them as opponents and seeing arguing as winning and losing will make you feel colder towards them, and in my case, if you succeed this approach a lot, you will probably feel condescendingly of them when they get mad because you know they can't beat you and you know whats going to happen. This approach has not made me love my parents much and makes it kind of hard to forgive them because you did nothing wrong (it's a lot easier to forgive people when you yourself need forgiveness) but it HAS made home life for us much more stable. When I get unjustly shafted, I can often flip it right on it's head with just my words and my parents have even toned down the yelling since they know all it does is make them look petty in front of me. When my parents found themselves constantly at a loss to deter me they stopped being able to convince themselves they were right all the time and FORCED them to consider my feelings. It's like enders game. Nobody gives you any respect so you beat them so bad at everything they HAVE to notice you. It may be mean, but it works if you can pull it off. Still though, I HIGHLY reccomend another approach if you value your parents personalities enough to want to stay friends. This will distance you, but earn you some respect. In my situation, I had nothing to lose from this and a lot to gain but your parents still love you and it would be a shame to push them away for the sake of an argument. Pulling off this method correctly should look something like this:
me: Well that was stupid (referring to the class)
father: What do you mean?
me: I mean they didn't really get into my motivation for doing what I did.
father: Well you're young, and your brain isn't fully developed
me: Sorry I don't quite understand what you're saying. (be polite)
father: I mean you don't have very good judgment.
me: I don't think that it's fair to stereotype teenagers like that, but besides that, I feel neglecting our motivations because of our youth is poor planning. (Don't stray off topic, keep hammering at the fallacies)
father: You're headstrong and ignorant.
me: Yes, okay, perhaps we are, but my point is that I think it's bad class design to ignore our reasons because of it. (Criticize the class, not your dad for thinking you can't make decisions)
father: That you don't have all your faculties yet (see, this doesn't make any sense now, you've avoided the next part)
me: but... but why does that matter?! Why are you telling me this?
father: Don't talk smart with me!
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father: And IM saying that your motivations don't matter, because you can't think maturely yet. (getting madder now)
me: Why? If out motivations don't make sense, then it would be a good idea to go into that and show us whats wrong with them. (keeping using our and them, be calm and don't turn this into you and me)
father: Well you've just SHOWN me you can't make good decisions! I don't expect you at your age will see what you did wrong, and trying to explain to you why what you did was stupid won't work because you'll just feel right in your head!\
me: Ah, so you think that teenagers won't listen to authority? (address his point as if it were valid, call him out on what he just said and make him defend it)
father: We'll you're not listening to me NOW!!! (thinks he's won)
me: Really? I've been trying to listen very well to you and I feel that I've addressed everything you have said. Could you name something you felt I wasn't listening to? (make him defend his argument now, if you've been doing this right, there ISNT anything he can name and he has to either pull something out of his ass which you can say is not true (calmly! even if he INSISTS it is keep saying that it's not and make him fit it into the conversation which he can't because it wasn't in the conversation) or he will have to scapegoat out of this one, or else he HAS to admit he is wrong. There are no other options. (which if he does admit then you've pretty much won already))
father: THE WHOLE THING!! You won't stop arguing with me about your OBVIOUSLY bad judgement! what you did was WRONG!!!!
me: Yes I admit I was in the wrong, however I'm talking about the class and how I think it was no good. (tireless automaton!)
father: You're not in a position to JUDGE! That class was made by professional ADULTS, FAR more mature than YOU!!! What do YOU know about physchology?!
me: I am a teenager, I know more about myself then they can about me simply because I am one. Therefore I am qualified to judge what we will react positively too. (don't get hostile but you can get a bit more serious here)
father: NO YOU'RE NOT! You think you know EVERYTHING because you're a teenager! WELL GUESS WHAT?! You DON'T know everything! I have more life experience than you and I'm more mature than you!!!!
me: And I have more recent experience of being a teenager than you. I'm younger and I know what it's like to be me. Maturity isn't the issue I have with the class, it's how they can't relate. (CLASS! NOT YOU!)
father: SO?! I just SAID, you aren't a judge of these things?! Just being a teenager doesn't make you special! These people know more than you do about it so stop being so arrogant!!!
me: You've already told me that. I'm asking why you don't think my experience is as valid as theirs. (catch him in his circular argument)
father: Because you're brain isn't fully formed yet!
me: You have said that too and I already said I don't think that's a good reason.
father: I know what I said! Watch your mouth and stop being so rude! (Trying to drag it off track to avoid defeat)
me: Alright, but could you should stop being rude too! (not angry, indignant)
father: EXCUSE ME?!
me: You've been yelling at me this entire time and I haven't once raised my voice at you. All I did was say I didn't like the class and tried to talk to you about it and you blew up in my face. I'm sorry if I bothered you but I don't like it when you yell at me. Please stop it! (go for the gonads now! he's got plenty to feel bad about now and you're totally innocent.)
father: That's because you just keep inflaming it! You just can't help but have the last word!
me: That's not true. All I've been trying to do is have a discussion. It takes two people to argue.
father: See! Now your smart mouthing me! i don't want to hear you anymore! Get out of my sight!
Now you leave. Look back. Who looks like the dick now?! Stay in your room for a while and let him dwell on it, try to convince himself he was right and feel guilty after you expressed your upset over his yelling and him not listening to you. You however can feel good that he didn't manage to get a single leg up on you and even if he doesn't say anything after, if you keep subtly and politely reminding him of what a tool he's being each time you argue like you did this time, he can only feel worse about it and believe it of not, your dad is a good guy. He doesn't WANT to make you upset or make himself look like a douche and after a while, when he starts yelling he'll remember how it upsets you and makes him look silly and he'll try to keep quiet. if he fails and yells anyways then he'll just feel even WORSE later and make a better effort next time to meet your level of maturity or else no one will respect what he has to say.
Seriously though. This works if you do it right but use this only as a last resort.
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... Wall of text. tl;dr. Space it, seriously.
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... Wall of text. tl;dr. Space it, seriously.
I see that too, so I skipped it.
Alternatively, try watching a BBC-uploaded video of Jeremy Clarkson interviewing Simon Cowell on Top Gear. :yes:
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Warp Shadow, if I can barely fit your post on my crazy huge resolution wide screen moniter, its too big.
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All you need is stress boobs...
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>< That's not the answer. Roadkill is squishier! XD
*remembers* I saw a mutilated fawn today. :P big one to! only a leg was off. Left Rear leg. Right at the thigh... *end rememberence*
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All you need is stress boobs...
:wtf:
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Whenver I get angry, I just load up some game and in a few minutes, it takes my mind away from the anger, and I feel fine.
Unless its Tron and you have to pass a grid race. >.>
Or if it's taking down SF Dragons in FS.
Taking down dragons is great fun. It actually allows me to COMPLETELY focus on something else, instead of being distracted all the time.
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Teenage years are harder for some than others - you just have realize that after 15 or 18 years living with your family, they and you know all of the buttons that can be pushed and they will be pushed.
But in order to gain control of your anger, you need to look for the source. Are there specific triggers? Topics, words, actions, situations? Is there no trigger at all? (more on this in a moment.) If you identify the triggers that take you from being calm and collected to enraged enough to lash out (physically or verbally) and can then focus on adding an intermediary step where you examine your feelings and can rationalize somewhat, thinking about how you're going to act next instead of just straight up reacting and losing control, you may find more success in controlling your anger.
If you take a long, hard look at yourself and you cannot find out what is causing your anger, you probably need to consider professional help, especially if you don't feel you have friends/family you can talk to openly about your feelings. Also - is it just anger, or do you have other, powerful mood swings - depressed to elated, elated to enraged? These could be symptoms of chemical imbalances that might be best treated with medication (probably not preferable, but if it's affecting your life so negatively, it would certainly be worth it to at least talk to a counselor or psychiatrist if you continue to fail to be able to get your anger in check).
I would also suggest exercising regularly - jogging, swimming, cycling are all good options and the health benefits will be both physical and mental.
Hope that helps.
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Whenver I get angry, I just load up some game and in a few minutes, it takes my mind away from the anger, and I feel fine.
Unless its Tron and you have to pass a grid race. >.>
Or if it's taking down SF Dragons in FS.
Taking down dragons is great fun. It actually allows me to COMPLETELY focus on something else, instead of being distracted all the time.
Actually, I find that taking down a Dragon makes me angry. :nervous:
Counting to ten also makes me very angry. :drevil:
Watching some Top Gear clips...ah, the reverse. :D
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hmmm anger management, there are several ways i think can help you in the situation you are in. (i had anger management problems as well)
1. If what you are talking about with your parents is not getting anywhere (i.e. the seem to think that you are the problem) say :Ok this is going nowhere. then leave the area and do something else for a while, but do this before anger starts to set in.
2. Take a walk in a park (if there is one nearby), look for things you might have missed along the way. It might surprise you what you might have missed and it engages your mind, taking the focus off your anger. Sitting on a park bench and just looking out works too i find.
3. Go out with friends, no explanation here friends are a good remedy for anything most of the time.
4. Get a map of your area, point at a random spot, and find it. Again it engages your mind and at the same time leads you away from the source of your anger. Plus you might find something interesting on the way.
Thats all i can think of at the moment, ill get back to you if i come up with more.