No offense dude, but your dad seems like kind of a dick. You found fault with the correctional class and instead of listening to your complaint/concern, he dismissed it as the whinings of a undeveloped semi-human being. Honestly, just because you're a teenager and you brain is still forming doesn't somehow make all of your thoughts and decisions invalid and childish. I HATE when adults pull that "oh well, I'm not going to listen to you because you're not a human being yet" bull****. Honestly, I know the feeling precisely. However, I can't get worked up into an almighty fury because I may be incredibly pissed on the inside, but if I even dare to yell at my dad, he'll lose control, and short of getting the hell out of there and locking my ****ing door, there's not much to do at that point. I HAVE to keep calm, and trust me, even with that anger simmering on the burner, forcing youself to keep a cool head makes your arguments so much better. Cold anger gives you the motivation of rage and the logic of calm. Often times when I KNOW, when I absolutely, positively KNOW I'm right and my parents are either missing the issue or won't admit they were wrong, I make them scream first and I can simply stand there, safe in knowing they can't prove me wrong while my dad rages and sputters and yells because HE knows that I know I've won. Try looking at it like a competition. Even though you're right, angry people wont see reason. If you have to get your point across, get as pissed off as you want but think analytical thoughts about them, note their emotional state, listen to what they are saying and counter it, MAKE SURE to bring the topic back on track if it starts to stray so they can't get out of it and drive into a dangerous territory and deal with only the issue, use a deadly level voice, maintain eye contact at ALL times and eventually, if you ARE
right, they will have nothing left to use, will probably yell a lot and they WILL scapegoat as long as you are determined enough, something, like "I don't want to hear another word" or "get out of my sight" or "case closed" and at that point you LEAVE. GO back to your room and write or internally monologue. You won't feel bad because you didn't yell or hit things. Try writing or planning a manuscript of the argument, as though you were presenting it to a friend to convince them you won. Point out the flaws your parents made, show what you did right, be a salesperson. Eventually, you'll feel really good about yourself for being the better man and you can face them the next day without fear. They on the other hand
will feel bad about yelling at someone who was talking calmly and although they are not likely to change their opinion, nobody can lie to themselves well enough so that they don't feel that they lost on some level when they are jumping and screaming and completely unable to deter their opponent who keeps up with calm, serious statements, who won't look away and has a counter to every point you have. Once they have felt that they lost on some level, people are generally more inclined to
consider what you said and you may be surprised at how people will change when you don't make a tool of yourself. They can't be mad at you because you haven't done anything but be indomitable and right and they CAN be mad at themselves for flying off the handle. I've actually had my parents APOLOGIZE to me using this approach. If you were WRONG, then one of two things can happen, 1: they can't prove it and they scapegoat, meaning you've won anyways 2: They come up with a decent argument and you consider it, counterpoint, they counter and now it's a debate, with logic, not emotion ruling it. MUCH better at this point and if you know you're not 100% in the right, admit your faults, insist they admit theirs (but not overly) and end the debate on a calm note.
I warn you, this WILL breed unhealthy views of your parents. Constantly seeing them as opponents and seeing arguing as winning and losing will make you feel colder towards them, and in my case, if you succeed this approach a lot, you will probably feel condescendingly of them when they get mad because you know they can't beat you and you know whats going to happen. This approach has not made me love my parents much and makes it kind of hard to forgive them because you did nothing wrong (it's a lot easier to forgive people when you yourself need forgiveness) but it HAS made home life for us much more stable. When I get unjustly shafted, I can often flip it right on it's head with just my words and my parents have even toned down the yelling since they know all it does is make them look petty in front of me. When my parents found themselves constantly at a loss to deter me they stopped being able to convince themselves they were right all the time and FORCED them to consider my feelings. It's like enders game. Nobody gives you any respect so you beat them so bad at everything they HAVE to notice you. It may be mean, but it works if you can pull it off. Still though, I
HIGHLY reccomend another approach if you value your parents personalities enough to want to stay friends. This will distance you, but earn you some respect. In my situation, I had nothing to lose from this and a lot to gain but your parents still love you and it would be a shame to push them away for the sake of an argument. Pulling off this method correctly should look something like this:
me: Well that was stupid (referring to the class)
father: What do you mean?
me: I mean they didn't really get into my motivation for doing what I did.
father: Well you're young, and your brain isn't fully developed
me: Sorry I don't quite understand what you're saying. (be polite)
father: I mean you don't have very good judgment.
me: I don't think that it's fair to stereotype teenagers like that, but besides that, I feel neglecting our motivations because of our youth is poor planning. (Don't stray off topic, keep hammering at the fallacies)
father: You're headstrong and ignorant.
me: Yes, okay, perhaps we are, but my point is that I think it's bad class design to ignore our reasons because of it. (Criticize the class, not your dad for thinking you can't make decisions)
father: That you don't have all your faculties yet (see, this doesn't make any sense now, you've avoided the next part)
me: but... but why does that matter?! Why are you telling me this?
father: Don't talk smart with me!
__________________________
father: And
IM saying that your motivations don't matter, because you can't think maturely yet. (getting madder now)
me: Why? If out motivations don't make sense, then it would be a good idea to go into that and show us whats wrong with them. (keeping using our and them, be calm and don't turn this into you and me)
father: Well you've just SHOWN me you can't make good decisions! I don't expect you at your age will see what you did wrong, and trying to explain to you why what you did was stupid won't work because you'll just feel right in your head!\
me: Ah, so you think that teenagers won't listen to authority? (address his point as if it were valid, call him out on what he just said and make him defend it)
father: We'll you're not listening to me NOW!!! (thinks he's won)
me: Really? I've been trying to listen very well to you and I feel that I've addressed everything you have said. Could you name something you felt I wasn't listening to? (make him defend his argument now, if you've been doing this right, there ISNT anything he can name and he has to either pull something out of his ass which you can say is not true (calmly! even if he INSISTS it is keep saying that it's not and make him fit it into the conversation which he can't because it wasn't in the conversation) or he will have to scapegoat out of this one, or else he HAS to admit he is wrong. There are no other options. (which if he does admit then you've pretty much won already))
father: THE WHOLE THING!! You won't stop arguing with me about your OBVIOUSLY bad judgement! what you did was WRONG!!!!
me: Yes I admit I was in the wrong, however I'm talking about the class and how I think it was no good. (tireless automaton!)
father: You're not in a position to JUDGE! That class was made by professional ADULTS, FAR more mature than YOU!!! What do YOU know about physchology?!
me: I am a teenager, I know more about myself then they can about me simply because I am one. Therefore I
am qualified to judge what we will react positively too. (don't get hostile but you can get a bit more serious here)
father: NO YOU'RE NOT! You think you know EVERYTHING because you're a teenager! WELL GUESS WHAT?! You DON'T know everything! I have more life experience than you and I'm more mature than you!!!!
me: And I have more
recent experience of being a teenager than you. I'm younger and I know what it's like to be me. Maturity isn't the issue I have with the class, it's how they can't relate. (CLASS! NOT YOU!)
father: SO?! I just SAID, you aren't a judge of these things?! Just being a teenager doesn't make you special! These people know more than you do about it so stop being so arrogant!!!
me: You've already told me that. I'm asking why you don't think my experience is as valid as theirs. (catch him in his circular argument)
father: Because you're brain isn't fully formed yet!
me: You have said that too and I already said I don't think that's a good reason.
father: I know what I said! Watch your mouth and stop being so rude! (Trying to drag it off track to avoid defeat)
me: Alright, but could you should stop being rude too! (not angry, indignant)
father:
EXCUSE ME?!me: You've been yelling at me this entire time and I haven't once raised my voice at you. All I did was say I didn't like the class and tried to talk to you about it and you blew up in my face. I'm sorry if I bothered you but I don't like it when you yell at me. Please stop it! (go for the gonads now! he's got plenty to feel bad about now and you're totally innocent.)
father: That's because you just keep inflaming it! You just can't help but have the last word!
me: That's not true. All I've been trying to do is have a discussion. It takes two people to argue.
father: See! Now your smart mouthing me! i don't want to hear you anymore! Get out of my sight!
Now you leave. Look back. Who looks like the dick now?! Stay in your room for a while and let him dwell on it, try to convince himself he was right and feel guilty after you expressed your upset over his yelling and him not listening to you. You however can feel good that he didn't manage to get a single leg up on you and even if he doesn't say anything after, if you keep subtly and politely reminding him of what a tool he's being each time you argue like you did this time, he can only feel worse about it and believe it of not, your dad is a good guy. He doesn't WANT to make you upset or make himself look like a douche and after a while, when he starts yelling he'll remember how it upsets you and makes him look silly and he'll try to keep quiet. if he fails and yells anyways then he'll just feel even WORSE later and make a better effort next time to meet your level of maturity or else no one will respect what he has to say.
Seriously though. This works if you do it right but use this only as a last resort.
