Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Lucika on March 19, 2009, 12:39:46 pm
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Never posted in GD yet... at least never made a post.
Since, come on, why should I post my RL issues here...?
Now I changed my mind - hiding into anonimity, I present you my greatest worry what nothing was able to change so far: a lack of faith in myself, and, mostly, in my abilities.
I am not one of those losers who don't kow what to do and when to do - tho my self-confidence seriously started to waver in my present school. But, still, I knew my value.
Take a look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IGS9qY7xko
This was fun. I immediately added it to my favs. But, unfortunately, it released my old ghost: I am not actually good in anything!
Yeah yeah, not bad, but still... there is nothing in the world in what I'd be top rated or much better than others.
I am a wanna-be-writer. And, funnily, I am the only one who considers my writings bad. My problem is with my style - personally, I wouldn't enjoy reading it, and this makes me seriously sad sometimes.
I am the one who never played Freespace above than Easy :), and the one who is a seriously bad FREDder (but, apparently, has to FRED anything in his campaigns in order to advance). I know that these aren't the most important skill in life, but anyway...
So, I have no star on my sky, nothing to hone in on... Why and what should I do?
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Cool vid dude.
Keep trying FS2 on easy and one day you can take the step to get to medium difficulty. Gotta try to build some self confidence man.
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keep your speed up and don't overthink!
applies to Freespace and to life in general :-D
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keep your speed up and don't overthink!
applies to Freespace and to life in general :-D
By the way, the Portal vid isn't mine :(
It'd be good to be capable to create such stuff... my addiction in fact is to create.
I should write something in a Kafkan way... you know, just for yourself.
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You're in the same trap as I am. Do you know what the problem is? You just cannot realize if you do something well. Whatever you end up with (say, an essay, a FRED mission, etc.), you'll notice only its faults. You swallow all the negative criticism (if you get any) and that's it.
A commonplace, but practice makes perfect. Maybe you'll need more time to practice than an average man (an "average man" is an imaginary standard, remember that), but in the end you'll improve. This applies to everything, from writing to FREDding.
You must have received a lot of criticism at home, have you?
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I haven't FREDded in a long time... but I do know that my early work was truly dreadful. Perhaps you could post some of your work? I seriously doubt it's as bad as you say it is.
Oh, regarding FS on Easy. Do you use a peripheral device? Such as a controller or joystick? If you don't, do so. You'll find that your skill will increase quite a bit.
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You're in the same trap as I am. Do you know what the problem is? You just cannot realize if you do something well. Whatever you end up with (say, an essay, a FRED mission, etc.), you'll notice only its faults. You swallow all the negative criticism (if you get any) and that's it.
A commonplace, but practice makes perfect. Maybe you'll need more time to practice than an average man (an "average man" is an imaginary standard, remember that), but in the end you'll improve. This applies to everything, from writing to FREDding.
You must have received a lot of criticism at home, have you?
Funnily, not. As I stated, everyone likes, for instance, my writings (my parents on a level that I started not to believe that :))
Time to practice? I should actually DO something... :)
Didn't write anything in this year, no FRED since 1.5 months...
My greatest problem is laziness... :)
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I haven't FREDded in a long time... but I do know that my early work was truly dreadful. Perhaps you could post some of your work? I seriously doubt it's as bad as you say it is.
Oh, regarding FS on Easy. Do you use a peripheral device? Such as a controller or joystick? If you don't, do so. You'll find that your skill will increase quite a bit.
Keyboard 'til now. Might get a controller tho.
I'll search for some FREDded missions, but they aren't on this computer...
Note to my FRED: Sometimes I say "Hey, this is almost the same as this and that mission" and still I feel that mine is the amateurish one... might be right with that point, TopAce, I can hardly realize if I do sg well... I might just try to overcompensate all that positive reactions, or I don't know... sg like that...
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/me goes into ramming speed.
But, unfortunately, it released my old ghost: I am not actually good in anything!
I'm not actually good at anything either. My photo-taking skills are crap, my social psychology knowledge is even crappier, my knowledge of science is restricted to chemistry and physics only, neither of which I'm good at, and my command of mother tongue (Chinese language) is a disgrace to my own race. Even until today, I still think that any of my successes in Mathematics is by fluke.
Yeah yeah, not bad, but still... there is nothing in the world in what I'd be top rated or much better than others.
Is there a need? Just do your best and be happy with it. I'm fully aware that I'm not the best in English among all the teenagers in Singapore, but I know that my proficiency is nearly at its fullest, and I'm happy about that.
I am a wanna-be-writer.
I'm a writer of fan-fiction too, although I've only written on two video games thus far.
And, funnily, I am the only one who considers my writings bad. My problem is with my style - personally, I wouldn't enjoy reading it, and this makes me seriously sad sometimes.
I find my writings to be crap. Even though my real friends say that I can become a writer, I highly doubt, but yet I'm happy, because I managed to write out what was causing my brain to suffer compression damage.
I am the one who never played Freespace above than Easy :)
I never play above Very Easy, and even then, I usually cheat, so beat that if you can. :p
So, I have no star on my sky, nothing to hone in on... Why and what should I do?
There are at least a billion people who think like this every single second. I also ponder over what I want to do when I grow up...and it's 2 AM local time, which means that I'm more than likely to do so if I wasn't listening to iTunes.
I always find that fresh air helps a lot when your mind is filled with depressing thoughts. This is especially more so for my case because I don't go out often; fresh air is a godsend.
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Funnily, not. As I stated, everyone likes, for instance, my writings
And praise doesn't motivate you?
my parents on a level that I started not to believe that :))
What makes you doubt their feedback? I assume that in that case you may have simply received disproportionate feedback and now you're trying to make something better than you are actually able to. If you fail to reach that point, you'll lose some degree of self-esteem. Are my assumptions more or less accurate, Lucika?
My greatest problem is laziness... :)
Are you lazy because you aren't confident in yourself so much as to start doing something?
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Edit: Sorry for the inappropriate use of quotes :)
Funnily, not. As I stated, everyone likes, for instance, my writings
And praise doesn't motivate you?
I should convince myself, shouldn't I?
my parents on a level that I started not to believe that :))
What makes you doubt their feedback? I assume that in that case you may have simply received disproportionate feedback and now you're trying to make something better than you are actually able to. If you fail to reach that point, you'll lose some degree of self-esteem. Are my assumptions more or less accurate, Lucika?
I just contradicts what I feel... and either way, I am doing something wrong... 1) I write badly or 2) I have a negative image of myself, what I didn't believe to be so.
My greatest problem is laziness... :)
Are you lazy because you aren't confident in yourself so much as to start doing something?
Nope. I just always find sg more "important" - playing on the Internet, reading a book, playing a game etc. Never had a weekend homework what I done earlier than Sunday.
_________
A.E.: Air...? What is it? :)
Not a bad idea, though.
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Note to my FRED: Sometimes I say "Hey, this is almost the same as this and that mission" and still I feel that mine is the amateurish one... might be right with that point
Don't worry too much about being noobish. My first campaign had some great ideas but in general the campaign was so noobish that I doubt it will ever see public release in any form. Even so I don't consider the time I spent on it wasted. What I took from it were the skills I still use now.
Your first efforts will seem rather amateur in comparison to those you have seen from the FREDding experts. It's because you are an amateur. Expertise takes time. Ask any long time FREDder what they think of the missions they made after 3-4 months in the community and they'll all say they could do a much better now. Most of us will consider our oldest missions very amateurish. We've all been where you are now. It's not something special to you. :)
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I can actually totally relate here, I have a serious lack in self-confidence about my 3d work, so much that i don't even think about applying to a lot of the art jobs around here because I think i'm not good enough to do it.
My solution is to just focus on school and build a portfolio in my spare time, and to not think of the future whenever i can help it.
Also, I would look up the diagnosis of ADD, it's a lot more than just not being able to focus on something for an extended period (sometimes, it can be the exact opposite, and I've definitely experienced that). Knowing that all of your problems might not even be your problems is a good comfort.
By even being involved in a modding community, you have an unbelievable step up on the competition. You wouldn't believe all the noobs in the game dev program here who don't even do it in their spare time! I know that for every 10 people in this field who are better, there are 50 that are worse.
You'll be fine *reassuring smile and pat on shoulder*
If it gets too bad, get hold of some marijuana :-P.
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/me would like to point out that Goober5000 claims that one of the missions in Deus Ex Machina was his first. :nervous:
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I can actually totally relate here, I have a serious lack in self-confidence about my 3d work, so much that i don't even think about applying to a lot of the art jobs around here because I think i'm not good enough to do it.
My solution is to just focus on school and build a portfolio in my spare time, and to not think of the future whenever i can help it.
Also, I would look up the diagnosis of ADD, it's a lot more than just not being able to focus on something for an extended period (sometimes, it can be the exact opposite, and I've definitely experienced that). Knowing that all of your problems might not even be your problems is a good comfort.
By even being involved in a modding community, you have an unbelievable step up on the competition. You wouldn't believe all the noobs in the game dev program here who don't even do it in their spare time! I know that for every 10 people in this field who are better, there are 50 that are worse.
You'll be fine *reassuring smile and pat on shoulder*
If it gets too bad, get hold of some marijuana :-P.
Just a note, you gave me an idea with da drug :)
I am - tho as I stated, far from the "loser geek" stereotype - rather different than my classmates.
Imagine: I am 14, and
- never released corkroaches during a math lesson
- never smoked a cigar yet
- never ever "forgot" to attend on a lesson
- never cheated on exams
And so on. I guess that you lack FS-lovers in your neighborhood too... what I really want sometimes is a friend who and I have a loooooot common - interests etc, I guess you take my meaning
(There is someone, but he makes me mad at school. The Saturday lanpartys still and will exist tho :))
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/me would like to point out that Goober5000 claims that one of the missions in Deus Ex Machina was his first. :nervous:
No connection, but can s1 give me a link of SGW and is continuation?
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**** you're 14?
Wait for about 7 years, and if you're still feeling the same way, have this crisis then. If I was involved in this stuff when I was 14, I know I'd be in a better situation than I am now.
(oh, and i'd wait till you're about 16 to start tryin drugs)
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**** you're 14?
Wait for about 7 years, and if you're still feeling the same way, have this crisis then. If I was involved in this stuff when I was 14, I know I'd be in a better situation than I am now.
(oh, and i'd wait till you're about 16 to start tryin drugs)
Yeah, sometimes I considered that I should worry about my grades and not abou being already a writer or not :)
And no, I am not planning to use drugs... did I mention that there are so retarded classmates of mine who actually used sugar via nose?
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**** you're 14?
Wait for about 7 years, and if you're still feeling the same way, have this crisis then. If I was involved in this stuff when I was 14, I know I'd be in a better situation than I am now.
(oh, and i'd wait till you're about 16 to start tryin drugs)
Yeah, sometimes I considered that I should worry about my grades and not abou being already a writer or not :)
And no, I am not planning to use drugs... did I mention that there are so retarded classmates of mine who actually used sugar via nose?
one of the great truths about drugs, they don't make you an idiot. they make idiots into bigger idiots. normal folks like you and I stay the same, just get loopy or quiet. It's always fun to be in an altered state, do some texturing, and then look at what I did later.
One time, drunk, I got in like, 3 inches from my monitor and was making every detail pixel perfect :-P
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**** you're 14?
Wait for about 7 years, and if you're still feeling the same way, have this crisis then. If I was involved in this stuff when I was 14, I know I'd be in a better situation than I am now.
(oh, and i'd wait till you're about 16 to start tryin drugs)
Yeah, sometimes I considered that I should worry about my grades and not abou being already a writer or not :)
And no, I am not planning to use drugs... did I mention that there are so retarded classmates of mine who actually used sugar via nose?
I know people who have done that. I didn't do it, though, 'cause all I could think of was the pain from getting *water* in my nose. XP
I was gonna say you sound just like Turambar. ^^;
But, seriously, I used to freak out about that when I was, like, 12ish? The whole "omg, I'm not the BEST at anything!"
Solution: don't worry about it. Do what you enjoy. There will always be loads of people who don't have half the skill you do, and you can impress them. ^^
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May I post sg what I wrote approx. a year ago?
(If so, I'll ask someone to translate it)
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I present you my greatest worry what nothing was able to change so far: a lack of faith in myself, and, mostly, in my abilities.
Hey look around a bit. What do you see? A big proportion of the world and people on it.. a ****ed up mess.
Whatever you do, you couldn' t possibly do much worse. Just cheer up!
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You know, on the other hand, low self-esteem is very trendy.
You should nurture it and then find a nice girl with equally low self-esteem.
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You know, on the other hand, low self-esteem is very trendy.
You should nurture it and then find a nice girl with equally low self-esteem.
I don't want to turn into an emo yet. ;)
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Well, thanks for cheering me up guys :) Started to write a short sory about a psychiatrist with a patient who thinks that has to p ecret information regarding a government conspiracy revolving around a Lithuanian farmer and his bedroom.
I'll post it if done. Never wrote anything as silly as that before... :)
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Lithuanian farmer
ShadowGorrath?
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Lithuanian farmer
ShadowGorrath?
Not necessarily :)
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don't worry It took me about a year to figure out Fred.
I still suck at making Freespace ships. (But I am doing better)
Here is a tip: Always think positive thoughts.
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Lithuanian farmer
ShadowGorrath?
F**k you.
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my solution to the negativity issue is to be a bigger asshole than anyone who may judge you
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I'm 36 and still feel that way, don't sweat it kid! Eventually you'll get by on people thinking your good at something. Most people in my circle believe I know about computers, I know a few things, but not a fraction of some people know on this forum! Keep visiting sites like this and learn all you can like myself. Believe me, HLP can be an education at times. ;)
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I'm 36 and still feel that way, don't sweat it kid! Eventually you'll get by on people thinking your good at something. Most people in my circle believe I know about computers, I know a few things, but not a fraction of some people know on this forum! Keep visiting sites like this and learn all you can like myself. Believe me, HLP can be an education at times. ;)
Indeed. For example, prior to reading this thread, I had no idea Androgeos Exeunt was Asian.
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- never released corkroaches during a math lesson
- never smoked a cigar yet
- never ever "forgot" to attend on a lesson
- never cheated on exams
Sounds like me, except I'm 18 :P
Seriously, your only 14 years old dude, I think I just _started_ learning how to program at about that age, unless you count my repeated failures with triggers in the age of mythology map editor when I was 11 xD
All you have to do is try things until you find something you really like doing, then consistently practice in that discipline while still exploring other possibilities. I never considered drawing as a possibility for me, but sadly if I had only started doing it earlier I wouldn't totally fail at it like I do now. I still draw, though. Just keep working at it - if everyone was a child prodigy then they wouldn't be particularly special.
Here is a tip: Always think positive thoughts.
That is useless information. No one can always think positive thoughts. The key is realizing that negative thoughts can be inflamed and illusionary, and to take them with a grain of salt. The impossible is not always as ridiculous as it seems.
I wouldn't enjoy reading my own stories
You think I enjoy listening to my music?
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As for myself, I prefer a state of apathy about the thoughts and to some degree concerns of others. It is indistingushable externally from self-confidence, but perhaps harder-won, and certainly something very different internally.
I wouldn't enjoy reading my own stories
Funny; I can't say I actually enjoy reading my own work, but I frequently do anyways.
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- never ever "forgot" to attend on a lesson
Reminds me of that time in year 10 when I was going to English and somehow completely messed up my thoughts, causing me to go to Drama instead. I finally got to English though, and fortunately I didn't get into any trouble. :lol:
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I catch myself feeling down sometimes, and thoughts like yours are pretty normal for me, too.
Word of advice (from someone only 2 years older than you) Don't ever let yourself get into depression. I almost went as far as calling the ledge my friend. o_o Scary thought.
Anyways, Blackhole is right. Just keep looking for that one thing you like to do the most.
Always think positive? Nah, I think negatively all the time, most of the time it's directed at others though. :lol:
I enjoy looking at some of my work. (graphic art) :rolleyes:
Also, you're still young. And me... well I'll be facing my future in 2 more years, hopefully. =/
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This thread is like a big internet group hug.
I find that just a little pathetic.
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This thread is like a big internet group hug.
I find that just a little pathetic.
You being one of the "others" that Pred directs his negative thoughts towards.
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I will absorb his negative thoughts and then produce a negativity ray gun. And then I will go after motivational speakers.
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My negative thoughts are directed at Taiwanese and Chinese...
The thing about the Internet is that we can all "hug" each other without fear of repercussions, at least that's the way it used to be. =/
Anyways, if someone asked for help in real life, they wouldn't get a fraction of the sympathy they do here, unless they had really good friends. Stuff like this can help you out, even if it's... pathetic.
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Every little bit counts.
And my personal view is that it's the small things in life that matters the most, which is why I get very riled up about things like punctuality.
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it's a small worl;d after all?
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This thread is like a big internet group hug.
And?
It's been a while since I've had group e-hugs, I was due for one anyway :P
@Lucika
I'm only a year older than you, and I remember feeling the same way last year. I was nearly failing everything at school, and I was floating through life in that semi-conscious state where you think there's nothing to look forward to. I also felt most of my FRED work was sh1t to the max, been there, done that
Is there anything you've dreamed about doing your whole life or something similar to that?
For me that was what really got me down, especially when I got a C for maths I thought my dream was completely out of reach. So inflated my self-esteem through wearing baggy jeans, expensive caps, chains (a 50 Cent look-a-like pretty much, I almost felt like we had something in common when I listened to his music :P so by looking like a gangbanger I felt/still feel like I have the confidence to go where I want, do what I want, and identify with people who I used to fear, odd way of working it out but that's how I get by :P) and "Living". You'll find something/some-way of getting by life and doing what you do. Now I used that ambition I've had all my life to step-forward and volunteer for things I usually didn't do and to knuckle down in front of my room heater with my ipod and a textbook and study like my life depended on it (it almost does for me). When I was 14 my average was something like 40-60% for maths, which was something that always ate me up inside, last maths test I had I got the highest score in the class, it wasn't an A, but 70% is a helluva lot closer to an A that 40% is. Just find something to dedicate your life to and throw everything you've got at it. Typing all that got me "In-The-Zone" for schoolwork so I'll be off to do my maths homework soon.
Once you feel something you've worked hard for is in reach, everything'll tend to seem a bit better.
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This thread is like a big internet group hug.
@Lucika
Is there anything you've dreamed about doing your whole life or something similar to that?
Once you feel something you've worked hard for is in reach, everything'll tend to seem a bit better.
I love e-hugs :)
By the way, my greatest goal is to become a writer (and the second is to win the WSOP)
Still working on that silly novel, but I start to hate the idea more and more, so I might just rewrite a performance I directed in school.
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This thread is like a big internet group hug.
@Lucika
Is there anything you've dreamed about doing your whole life or something similar to that?
Once you feel something you've worked hard for is in reach, everything'll tend to seem a bit better.
I love e-hugs :)
By the way, my greatest goal is to become a writer (and the second is to win the WSOP)
Still working on that silly novel, but I start to hate the idea more and more, so I might just rewrite a performance I directed in school.
:) I see
Yeah I used to write as a hobby since fifth grade, you'll find yourself writing many, many different pieces. In my experience, don't put all your hopes on one story, the more you write the better you get basically. I wrote a 250 pg narrative about a bomber crew who were shot down over Europe in WWII and they have various conflicts between each other, meet with french resistance, get captured, so on etc. Then when I lost it I found I could write at a much higher calibre working on lots of smaller pieces.
Second most important piece of info I can give you about writing is WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN. I mean story ideas, plot twists etc, my desk is full of little pieces of paper and overturned english tests bearing every plot twist/device/storyline you could possibly think of, it helps when you're writing and stuck dry on ideas.
If you don't like the idea don't feel pressure to keep going with it, you can work on it as a "Backburner" project while you write something else as a serious narrative. I tend to do that when I write, I'll get sick of whatever topic I'm writing and pull out an FS2 fanfic and work on that until I'm in the mood again. Are you an "Have-to-be-in-the-mood" writer or "I-can-write-on-demand"?
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I used to love to wright stories, until I moved to Taiwan and could barely even understand Chinese. :lol:
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I've learned Chinese for ten years and I only manage to scrape through using it in real-life communication.
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- never released corkroaches during a math lesson
- never smoked a cigar yet
- never ever "forgot" to attend on a lesson
- never cheated on exams
How any of these is a bad thing? I didn't do any of those as far as I can remember during school and college. In the University I learned to skip lectures that I didn't like or felt I could learn it better from a book. And I have never tasted a cigar, me being 26.
What it comes to personalities, I'm pretty much the opposite. I have never had trouble to learn anything, the biggest problem in learning have pretty much always been my own prejudices or attitudes. And bad teachers. :nervous: Then again, I think everybody has his strengths and weaknesses.
Just don't expect to get good in a couple of days and give up after it doesn't work. When I was learning to do splits, it took me well over a year of stretching to get it. Advice of the people who you know to be good at something will give you a good starting point.
Also, there are lots of gifted people who got great grades in college and failed miserably in the university. Being once part of the student council, I recall that the college grades didn't actually correlate with grades obtained in University.
Speaking of FRED, I think I managed to write a couple of interesting missions back in 2003, I still have the first of them and I think they are quite good for the time being. A single mission took a couple of months.
Mika
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Mika:
I don't feel these to be a problem, either. Just I mentioned that I hardly have any common with those who are at my age, at least with those who I usually interact with.
No problem with grades, either.
My problem isn't a lack of self-confidence, but the lack of trust towards myself.
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Ah, you are thinking about average person. There is no such thing, and especially among the young. The advise I was given is simply do what you feel is right. Quite a lot of people don't actually understand all the repercussions of their actions at that age. On the other hand, some of the things are just meant to be a harmless joke.
What it comes to self-confidence and trusting on oneself, difficulties in personal life, work or studies will increase increase your self-confidence as you start to see you did something right. If it went wrong, think what was it and don't repeat it. Trusting on oneself is a matter of discipline (or at least I think so). Just set yourself some goal and push yourself through it. Increase the difficulty time by time. But just don't over-do it. In the end you will have quite a collection of thingies that you managed to do. This will give you trust on your abilities.
Mika
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Ah, you are thinking about average person. There is no such thing, and especially among the young. The advise I was given is simply do what you feel is right. Quite a lot of people don't actually understand all the repercussions of their actions at that age. On the other hand, some of the things are just meant to be a harmless joke.
What it comes to self-confidence and trusting on oneself, difficulties in personal life, work or studies will increase increase your self-confidence as you start to see you did something right. If it went wrong, think what was it and don't repeat it. Trusting on oneself is a matter of discipline (or at least I think so). Just set yourself some goal and push yourself through it. Increase the difficulty time by time. But just don't over-do it. In the end you will have quite a collection of thingies that you managed to do. This will give you trust on your abilities.
Mika
No problem with self-confidence. I know my strengths and I am proud of them.
The issue is that I am just floating around without an idea where and how to go.
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Ah, you are thinking about average person. There is no such thing, and especially among the young. The advise I was given is simply do what you feel is right. Quite a lot of people don't actually understand all the repercussions of their actions at that age. On the other hand, some of the things are just meant to be a harmless joke.
What it comes to self-confidence and trusting on oneself, difficulties in personal life, work or studies will increase increase your self-confidence as you start to see you did something right. If it went wrong, think what was it and don't repeat it. Trusting on oneself is a matter of discipline (or at least I think so). Just set yourself some goal and push yourself through it. Increase the difficulty time by time. But just don't over-do it. In the end you will have quite a collection of thingies that you managed to do. This will give you trust on your abilities.
Mika
No problem with self-confidence. I know my strengths and I am proud of them.
The issue is that I am just floating around without an idea where and how to go.
You aren't the only one. May not make you feel much better but I know exactly the feeling and I've yet to shake it. I'm a ship in the ocean without a sail or a rudder...just going where the currents take me. I'd love to have a long term goal...I'm a long term goal sort of person...but I have none right now.
I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do...but my suggestion is focus on the present and the very near term. Figure out what your goals are right now and for a moment...try and shift away from thinking about the bigger picture. And if you're like me then thats damned hard to do.
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I also think there are lots of people who don't know what they are going to do, or what they want to do. Unfortunately, I lack the wisdom to aid there, nor do I know if it is a problem other people should solve. It is basically your life.
Yeah, but I do feel sometimes something related when doing my work. "Does this really matter?" "Will my work aid the society in the supposed way?" I face questions like these, and sometimes I see I do make the difference, sometimes it is just a huge blur.
Mika
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...sometimes I see I do make the difference, sometimes it is just a huge blur.
The latter occurs in my mind more often, and I'm not too fazed by it. :)
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You aren't the only one. May not make you feel much better but I know exactly the feeling and I've yet to shake it. I'm a ship in the ocean without a sail or a rudder...just going where the currents take me. I'd love to have a long term goal...I'm a long term goal sort of person...but I have none right now.
I've known exactly what i want to do since I was 17. My long term goals extend some 10 years into the future.
All it does is shift the pain somewhere else.
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You aren't the only one. May not make you feel much better but I know exactly the feeling and I've yet to shake it. I'm a ship in the ocean without a sail or a rudder...just going where the currents take me. I'd love to have a long term goal...I'm a long term goal sort of person...but I have none right now.
I've known exactly what i want to do since I was 17. My long term goals extend some 10 years into the future.
All it does is shift the pain somewhere else.
I've had a career/life goal since the day I was born.
I find it makes the pain more bearable and justified.
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I can actually totally relate here, I have a serious lack in self-confidence about my 3d work, so much that i don't even think about applying to a lot of the art jobs around here because I think i'm not good enough to do it.
My solution is to just focus on school and build a portfolio in my spare time, and to not think of the future whenever i can help it.
Also, I would look up the diagnosis of ADD, it's a lot more than just not being able to focus on something for an extended period (sometimes, it can be the exact opposite, and I've definitely experienced that). Knowing that all of your problems might not even be your problems is a good comfort.
By even being involved in a modding community, you have an unbelievable step up on the competition. You wouldn't believe all the noobs in the game dev program here who don't even do it in their spare time! I know that for every 10 people in this field who are better, there are 50 that are worse.
You'll be fine *reassuring smile and pat on shoulder*
If it gets too bad, get hold of some marijuana :-P.
Just a note, you gave me an idea with da drug :)
I am - tho as I stated, far from the "loser geek" stereotype - rather different than my classmates.
Imagine: I am 14, and
- never released corkroaches during a math lesson
- never smoked a cigar yet
- never ever "forgot" to attend on a lesson
- never cheated on exams
And so on. I guess that you lack FS-lovers in your neighborhood too... what I really want sometimes is a friend who and I have a loooooot common - interests etc, I guess you take my meaning
(There is someone, but he makes me mad at school. The Saturday lanpartys still and will exist tho :))
The main difference(s) between you and I is that you are 14, you live somewhere on the other side of the Earth, and I'm supposedly good at "schoolwork".
Imagine: You want to make friends with someone. You see him almost everyday. You never exchanged a single word in 2 years. You search for someone almost exactly like him, hoping he'll have similar interests to you, but as yet there isn't anyone.
And I seem so different to everyone else. I do get entertainment from my enigmatic sense of humour and the things I create, though other people either don't understand it or don't like it (think it's lame, not that I've made anything that can walk...). I have actually put a large amount of time into making enigmas for people to figure out - except no-one's discovered them yet, I don't think.
And so the saying below is true for me...
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I can actually totally relate here, I have a serious lack in self-confidence about my 3d work, so much that i don't even think about applying to a lot of the art jobs around here because I think i'm not good enough to do it.
My solution is to just focus on school and build a portfolio in my spare time, and to not think of the future whenever i can help it.
Also, I would look up the diagnosis of ADD, it's a lot more than just not being able to focus on something for an extended period (sometimes, it can be the exact opposite, and I've definitely experienced that). Knowing that all of your problems might not even be your problems is a good comfort.
By even being involved in a modding community, you have an unbelievable step up on the competition. You wouldn't believe all the noobs in the game dev program here who don't even do it in their spare time! I know that for every 10 people in this field who are better, there are 50 that are worse.
You'll be fine *reassuring smile and pat on shoulder*
If it gets too bad, get hold of some marijuana :-P.
Just a note, you gave me an idea with da drug :)
I am - tho as I stated, far from the "loser geek" stereotype - rather different than my classmates.
Imagine: I am 14, and
- never released corkroaches during a math lesson
- never smoked a cigar yet
- never ever "forgot" to attend on a lesson
- never cheated on exams
And so on. I guess that you lack FS-lovers in your neighborhood too... what I really want sometimes is a friend who and I have a loooooot common - interests etc, I guess you take my meaning
(There is someone, but he makes me mad at school. The Saturday lanpartys still and will exist tho :))
The main difference(s) between you and I is that you are 14, you live somewhere on the other side of the Earth, and I'm supposedly good at "schoolwork".
Imagine: You want to make friends with someone. You see him almost everyday. You never exchanged a single word in 2 years. You search for someone almost exactly like him, hoping he'll have similar interests to you, but as yet there isn't anyone.
And I seem so different to everyone else. I do get entertainment from my enigmatic sense of humour and the things I create, though other people either don't understand it or don't like it (think it's lame, not that I've made anything that can walk...). I have actually put a large amount of time into making enigmas for people to figure out - except no-one's discovered them yet, I don't think.
And so the saying below is true for me...
I can't wait for the time when your knowledge will be important more so than the PE lessons...
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**** you're 14?
Wait for about 7 years, and if you're still feeling the same way, have this crisis then. If I was involved in this stuff when I was 14, I know I'd be in a better situation than I am now.
(oh, and i'd wait till you're about 16 to start tryin drugs)
I'm having a massive crisis NOW because habits that could have been easily corrected when I was 14 weren't, now I'm 19 and I'm trying to dig my way out. Turambar I don't mean to go after you, but a lot of people said the same thing to me and it turned out the worst advice I've ever gotten :(
About feeling different than everyone else. Kinda a useless answer: but it's either true or it's not :P It's a common part of human perception to think that way starting around you age for the next 6-8 years, but it also doesn't always have to be wrong. My mom describes both me and my father as being "born old." It's not entirely consistent, but at a very early age we showed a level of maturity in many manners that would always remain far ahead of anyone else at that age. This sounds great on paper, but it also means we very often didn't find the same things funny or acceptable as the people at that age. And of course the more people grow up often changes what the way they think about relationships and what they expect from them.
Not to be elitist, but it's all expected as soon as you give the hint that you're more intelligent than average that you feel different from others, because you probably are ;) Thinking more about things tends to come with the territory, and when you think more about things, you learn and mature more. I don't recommend the drugs (that's more of my personal preference on avoiding anything potentially risky that I don't have any real need to do in the first place), and be careful about the ADD thing, it gets misdiagnosed ADD all the time. I'd say if you really try to pour all your will and effort towards focusing on something and it still goes bad, it's time to talk to a psychiatrist and see what he thinks. What most people don't realize is a lot of times it's not the problem of not being *able* to focus, it's just not wanting too. If your motivation to do something isn't strong enough, you won't get anywhere, that's the general rule for anything.
I can't wait for the time when your knowledge will be important more so than the PE lessons...
Everything's important, potentially. Basically everytime you encounter something that wasn't thought of or created by you, you can learn from it :) PE often gets screwed up, but the point of it is not only to get you some exercise but try and teach you some ways you can go about it outside of school. Exercise is good, I'm injured currently which made me stop my daily exercises, and it's only now hitting me how much keeping to that daily routine helped my focus, and discipline, not to mention my psychical health in general.
I know I don't post much, but I am usually lurking around and I live for these kinds of topics (I don't get all that much interaction with people myself, so I counterbalance it by absorbing as much information about how people think as I can. These kind of posts are always a goldmine for that ^_^ ). So talk here, send me a PM, whatever of your choosing. Don't be shy, keep talking until you get things worked out :)
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Yeah well I'm a firm believer in throwing your weight behind something you love/a career. From what I've gathered your passion is creative writing? My advice is to hunker down on that every time you feel bad or whatever, or go to the gym, that also helps. And no matter how much of an asshole you act like, women will always flock at you if your arms are the size of treetrunks, so that's a nice benefit :)
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AN EMO THREAD!!!!
why was i not informed!
im drunk
my problem isnt so much a lack in faith in my self but a lack of faith in everyone else. humanity is clearly insane./
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AN EMO THREAD!!!!
why was i not informed!
im drunk
my problem isnt so much a lack in faith in my self but a lack of faith in everyone else. humanity is clearly insane./
Sounds like me! :wtf:
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I have faith in everyone, I'm just kinda lazy about.
I don't think i fit in this thread, I'll find my way out.
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I have faith in everyone, I'm just kinda lazy about.
I don't think i fit in this thread, I'll find my way out.
Play FS2 and order your wingmen about? ;)
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I have faith in everyone, I'm just kinda lazy about.
I don't think i fit in this thread, I'll find my way out.
Play FS2 and order your wingmen about? ;)
I trust you, Gamma 2! I know that you can take down that installation!
What backup?
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Heh, for me, the wingmen were just there to stop me from losing too quickly while i do all the objectives myself
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Heh, for me, the wingmen were just there to stop me from losing too quickly while i do all the objectives myself
Agreed.
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i jump my wingman out and get all the points for myself
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AN EMO THREAD!!!!
why was i not informed!
im drunk
my problem isnt so much a lack in faith in my self but a lack of faith in everyone else. humanity is clearly insane./
Please define "emo" for where you live; I don't consider myself to be emo. In Tas. emo's wear black (mostly) and seem to have eyeshadow on all the time. They also have long hair over their face. I am not like that, though I probably feel as "depressed" in a way - not suicidal, just longing/lonesome - and not all the time at that, but more than the typical psychological clone (of which I am not).
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All things considered, I'm not sure where to go with my life either. I'm 21, in college for Computer Information Technology....and the only reason I'm doing it is that it's tolerable. One of the few areas I can manage to not be bored out of my mind or utterly uninterested, or utterly incompetent (I cannot do art to save my life).
So I do side projects. Draw out plans and specifications and such for prototype vehicles. Play tabletop RPGs. Build spudguns and custom airsoft cannons. Research nearly everything under the sun. Anything to burn off the ambition and creativity I have nothing to apply to. I constantly hear about living up to my potential...god am I ever sick of hearing that. Find me a damned way that I LIKE and I'll do it. Otherwise, screw off.
Who knows. Crazy stuff goes on in life, I've experienced more than my fair share. I want answers but no one knows and those who may know won't say. I feel like a starship with vectored thrust...with the thrust nozzles welded at 45 degrees down. Lots of energy, maybe could make a difference...but currently going in a hell of a lot of big circles.
I find it's best to just do what I truly enjoy - helping people, and creating things - on the side. Get by as best as I can manage, then go off and do what actually matters. Human society is pure distilled crap right now, so it doesn't truly matter. Maybe we'll manage to fix it, and then I'll be able to find something to do that I want to do. Until then...I've not much else to say on that.
Lucika, though, I really don't quite understand what you mean by not trusting yourself. But I will say that I'm pretty horribly lazy too. Also, yay, e-grouphug.
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I can't tell the difference between emo and normal people here. They all look lite the same ---- to me.
Can someone lend me a spare nuke?
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AN EMO THREAD!!!!
why was i not informed!
im drunk
my problem isnt so much a lack in faith in my self but a lack of faith in everyone else. humanity is clearly insane./
Please define "emo" for where you live; I don't consider myself to be emo. In Tas. emo's wear black (mostly) and seem to have eyeshadow on all the time. They also have long hair over their face. I am not like that, though I probably feel as "depressed" in a way - not suicidal, just longing/lonesome - and not all the time at that, but more than the typical psychological clone (of which I am not).
my definition of emo: YOU!
btw im still drunk
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emo, emo, emo, emo.. I hate it when a word takes over its original meaning and starts a life of its own :ick:
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I have a friend's whose nickname is Emo, course I'm the only one who knows what it means. And they pronounce it as ee-moh.
This thread is getting weird... lol
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I have a friend's whose nickname is Emo, course I'm the only one who knows what it means. And they pronounce it as ee-moh.
This thread is getting weird... lol
Yeah, no e-hugs anymore :(
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I have a friend's whose nickname is Emo, course I'm the only one who knows what it means. And they pronounce it as ee-moh.
This thread is getting weird... lol
Yeah, no e-hugs anymore :(
Back on topic
Any changes on your outlook?
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I will always be longing/lonesome in a way until I find an entity that follows the same pattern. Of course, I will try and enjoy myself in the mean time.
On a side note, I personally think that blackhole is the closest person to me (in terms of personality, feelings in songs,etc.), on this forum at least.
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What? Sniveling to anonymous people on the internet about your problems? You jerk! Be a man, and keep your problems sealed up tight forever. Maybe you'd have more friends if you stopped crying all over them about your imaginary issues.
/keeps his problems sealed up inside his sarcophagus-like brain
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tl;dr past the first post.
Hey, I've never played past Easy either. I've also never actually finished a campaign, nor a model ... and ShadowGorrath is chasing after me for a reason. :p
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Good news - if anyone is interested
Thanks for the e-hugs! :)
I started a social life, have a manuscript of 17 pages, continuing the Syrk project... so I'd say I found myself.
May the adventures of Totin Lesden be published once!
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I actually felt better after watching this video from the Failblog YouTube Channel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq1z5yko5HI&feature=channel_page).