[Lucika]

Never posted in GD yet... at least never made a post.
Since, come on, why should I post my RL issues here...?
Now I changed my mind - hiding into anonimity, I present you my greatest worry what nothing was able to change so far: a lack of faith in myself, and, mostly, in my abilities.

I am not one of those losers who don't kow what to do and when to do - tho my self-confidence seriously started to waver in my present school. But, still, I knew my value.
Take a look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IGS9qY7xko
This was fun. I immediately added it to my favs. But, unfortunately, it released my old ghost: I am not actually good in anything!
Yeah yeah, not bad, but still... there is nothing in the world in what I'd be top rated or much better than others.
I am a wanna-be-writer. And, funnily, I am the only one who considers my writings bad. My problem is with my style - personally, I wouldn't enjoy reading it, and this makes me seriously sad sometimes.
I am the one who never played Freespace above than Easy , and the one who is a seriously bad FREDder (but, apparently, has to FRED anything in his campaigns in order to advance). I know that these aren't the most important skill in life, but anyway...
So, I have no star on my sky, nothing to hone in on... Why and what should I do?

[Charismatic]

Cool vid dude.
Keep trying  FS2 on easy and one day you can take the step to get to medium difficulty. Gotta try to build some self confidence man.

[Turambar]

keep your speed up and don't overthink!

applies to Freespace and to life in general :-D

[Lucika]

keep your speed up and don't overthink!

applies to Freespace and to life in general :-D

By the way, the Portal vid isn't mine
It'd be good to be capable to create such stuff... my addiction in fact is to create.

I should write something in a Kafkan way... you know, just for yourself.

[TopAce]

You're in the same trap as I am. Do you know what the problem is? You just cannot realize if you do something well. Whatever you end up with (say, an essay, a FRED mission, etc.), you'll notice only its faults. You swallow all the negative criticism (if you get any) and that's it.

A commonplace, but practice makes perfect. Maybe you'll need more time to practice than an average man (an "average man" is an imaginary standard, remember that), but in the end you'll improve. This applies to everything, from writing to FREDding.

You must have received a lot of criticism at home, have you?

[IronBeer]

I haven't FREDded in a long time... but I do know that my early work was truly dreadful. Perhaps you could post some of your work? I seriously doubt it's as bad as you say it is.
Oh, regarding FS on Easy. Do you use a peripheral device? Such as a controller or joystick? If you don't, do so. You'll find that your skill will increase quite a bit.

[Lucika]

You're in the same trap as I am. Do you know what the problem is? You just cannot realize if you do something well. Whatever you end up with (say, an essay, a FRED mission, etc.), you'll notice only its faults. You swallow all the negative criticism (if you get any) and that's it.

A commonplace, but practice makes perfect. Maybe you'll need more time to practice than an average man (an "average man" is an imaginary standard, remember that), but in the end you'll improve. This applies to everything, from writing to FREDding.

You must have received a lot of criticism at home, have you?

Funnily, not. As I stated, everyone likes, for instance, my writings (my parents on a level that I started not to believe that )
Time to practice? I should actually DO something...
Didn't write anything in this year, no FRED since 1.5 months...
My greatest problem is laziness...

[Lucika]

I haven't FREDded in a long time... but I do know that my early work was truly dreadful. Perhaps you could post some of your work? I seriously doubt it's as bad as you say it is.
Oh, regarding FS on Easy. Do you use a peripheral device? Such as a controller or joystick? If you don't, do so. You'll find that your skill will increase quite a bit.

Keyboard 'til now. Might get a controller tho.
I'll search for some FREDded missions, but they aren't on this computer...
Note to my FRED: Sometimes I say "Hey, this is almost the same as this and that mission" and still I feel that mine is the amateurish one... might be right with that point, TopAce, I can hardly realize if I do sg well... I might just try to overcompensate all that positive reactions, or I don't know... sg like that...

[Androgeos Exeunt]

* Androgeos Exeunt goes into ramming speed.

But, unfortunately, it released my old ghost: I am not actually good in anything!

I'm not actually good at anything either. My photo-taking skills are crap, my social psychology knowledge is even crappier, my knowledge of science is restricted to chemistry and physics only, neither of which I'm good at, and my command of mother tongue (Chinese language) is a disgrace to my own race. Even until today, I still think that any of my successes in Mathematics is by fluke.

Yeah yeah, not bad, but still... there is nothing in the world in what I'd be top rated or much better than others.

Is there a need? Just do your best and be happy with it. I'm fully aware that I'm not the best in English among all the teenagers in Singapore, but I know that my proficiency is nearly at its fullest, and I'm happy about that.

I am a wanna-be-writer.

I'm a writer of fan-fiction too, although I've only written on two video games thus far.

And, funnily, I am the only one who considers my writings bad. My problem is with my style - personally, I wouldn't enjoy reading it, and this makes me seriously sad sometimes.

I find my writings to be crap. Even though my real friends say that I can become a writer, I highly doubt, but yet I'm happy, because I managed to write out what was causing my brain to suffer compression damage.

I am the one who never played Freespace above than Easy

I never play above Very Easy, and even then, I usually cheat, so beat that if you can.

So, I have no star on my sky, nothing to hone in on... Why and what should I do?

There are at least a billion people who think like this every single second. I also ponder over what I want to do when I grow up...and it's 2 AM local time, which means that I'm more than likely to do so if I wasn't listening to iTunes.

I always find that fresh air helps a lot when your mind is filled with depressing thoughts. This is especially more so for my case because I don't go out often; fresh air is a godsend.

[TopAce]

Funnily, not. As I stated, everyone likes, for instance, my writings

And praise doesn't motivate you?

my parents on a level that I started not to believe that )

What makes you doubt their feedback? I assume that in that case you may have simply received disproportionate feedback and now you're trying to make something better than you are actually able to. If you fail to reach that point, you'll lose some degree of self-esteem. Are my assumptions more or less accurate, Lucika?

My greatest problem is laziness...

Are you lazy because you aren't confident in yourself so much as to start doing something?

[Lucika]

Edit: Sorry for the inappropriate use of quotes

Funnily, not. As I stated, everyone likes, for instance, my writings

And praise doesn't motivate you?

I should convince myself, shouldn't I?

my parents on a level that I started not to believe that )

What makes you doubt their feedback? I assume that in that case you may have simply received disproportionate feedback and now you're trying to make something better than you are actually able to. If you fail to reach that point, you'll lose some degree of self-esteem. Are my assumptions more or less accurate, Lucika?

I just contradicts what I feel... and either way, I am doing something wrong... 1) I write badly or 2) I have a negative image of myself, what I didn't believe to be so.

My greatest problem is laziness...

Are you lazy because you aren't confident in yourself so much as to start doing something?

Nope. I just always find sg more "important" - playing on the Internet, reading a book, playing a game etc. Never had a weekend homework what I done earlier than Sunday.

_________

A.E.: Air...? What is it?
Not a bad idea, though.

[karajorma]

Note to my FRED: Sometimes I say "Hey, this is almost the same as this and that mission" and still I feel that mine is the amateurish one... might be right with that point

Don't worry too much about being noobish. My first campaign had some great ideas but in general the campaign was so noobish that I doubt it will ever see public release in any form. Even so I don't consider the time I spent on it wasted. What I took from it were the skills I still use now.

Your first efforts will seem rather amateur in comparison to those you have seen from the FREDding experts. It's because you are an amateur. Expertise takes time. Ask any long time FREDder what they think of the missions they made after 3-4 months in the community and they'll all say they could do a much better now. Most of us will consider our oldest missions very amateurish. We've all been where you are now. It's not something special to you.

[Turambar]

I can actually totally relate here, I have a serious lack in self-confidence about my 3d work, so much that i don't even think about applying to a lot of the art jobs around here because I think i'm not good enough to do it.

My solution is to just focus on school and build a portfolio in my spare time, and to not think of the future whenever i can help it.  

Also, I would look up the diagnosis of ADD, it's a lot more than just not being able to focus on something for an extended period (sometimes, it can be the exact opposite, and I've definitely experienced that).  Knowing that all of your problems might not even be your problems is a good comfort.

By even being involved in a modding community, you have an unbelievable step up on the competition.  You wouldn't believe all the noobs in the game dev program here who don't even do it in their spare time!  I know that for every 10 people in this field who are better, there are 50 that are worse.

You'll be fine *reassuring smile and pat on shoulder*

If it gets too bad, get hold of some marijuana :-P.  

[Androgeos Exeunt]

* Androgeos Exeunt would like to point out that Goober5000 claims that one of the missions in Deus Ex Machina was his first.

[Lucika]

I can actually totally relate here, I have a serious lack in self-confidence about my 3d work, so much that i don't even think about applying to a lot of the art jobs around here because I think i'm not good enough to do it.

My solution is to just focus on school and build a portfolio in my spare time, and to not think of the future whenever i can help it.  

Also, I would look up the diagnosis of ADD, it's a lot more than just not being able to focus on something for an extended period (sometimes, it can be the exact opposite, and I've definitely experienced that).  Knowing that all of your problems might not even be your problems is a good comfort.

By even being involved in a modding community, you have an unbelievable step up on the competition.  You wouldn't believe all the noobs in the game dev program here who don't even do it in their spare time!  I know that for every 10 people in this field who are better, there are 50 that are worse.

You'll be fine *reassuring smile and pat on shoulder*

If it gets too bad, get hold of some marijuana :-P.  

Just a note, you gave me an idea with da drug

I am - tho as I stated, far from the "loser geek" stereotype - rather different than my classmates.
Imagine: I am 14, and
- never released corkroaches during a math lesson
- never smoked a cigar yet
- never ever "forgot" to attend on a lesson
- never cheated on exams

And so on. I guess that you lack FS-lovers in your neighborhood too... what I really want sometimes is a friend who and I have a loooooot common - interests etc, I guess you take my meaning

(There is someone, but he makes me mad at school. The Saturday lanpartys still and will exist tho )

[Lucika]

* Androgeos Exeunt would like to point out that Goober5000 claims that one of the missions in Deus Ex Machina was his first.

No connection, but can s1 give me a link of SGW and is continuation?

[Turambar]

**** you're 14?

Wait for about 7 years, and if you're still feeling the same way, have this crisis then.  If I was involved in this stuff when I was 14, I know I'd be in a better situation than I am now.

(oh, and i'd wait till you're about 16 to start tryin drugs)

[Lucika]

**** you're 14?

Wait for about 7 years, and if you're still feeling the same way, have this crisis then.  If I was involved in this stuff when I was 14, I know I'd be in a better situation than I am now.

(oh, and i'd wait till you're about 16 to start tryin drugs)

Yeah, sometimes I considered that I should worry about my grades and not abou being already a writer or not
And no, I am not planning to use drugs... did I mention that there are so retarded classmates of mine who actually used sugar via nose?

[Turambar]

**** you're 14?

Wait for about 7 years, and if you're still feeling the same way, have this crisis then.  If I was involved in this stuff when I was 14, I know I'd be in a better situation than I am now.

(oh, and i'd wait till you're about 16 to start tryin drugs)

Yeah, sometimes I considered that I should worry about my grades and not abou being already a writer or not
And no, I am not planning to use drugs... did I mention that there are so retarded classmates of mine who actually used sugar via nose?

one of the great truths about drugs, they don't make you an idiot.  they make idiots into bigger idiots.  normal folks like you and I stay the same, just get loopy or quiet.  It's always fun to be in an altered state, do some texturing, and then look at what I did later.

One time, drunk, I got in like, 3 inches from my monitor and was making every detail pixel perfect :-P

[iamzack]

**** you're 14?

Wait for about 7 years, and if you're still feeling the same way, have this crisis then.  If I was involved in this stuff when I was 14, I know I'd be in a better situation than I am now.

(oh, and i'd wait till you're about 16 to start tryin drugs)

Yeah, sometimes I considered that I should worry about my grades and not abou being already a writer or not
And no, I am not planning to use drugs... did I mention that there are so retarded classmates of mine who actually used sugar via nose?

I know people who have done that. I didn't do it, though, 'cause all I could think of was the pain from getting *water* in my nose. XP

I was gonna say you sound just like Turambar. ^^;

But, seriously, I used to freak out about that when I was, like, 12ish? The whole "omg, I'm not the BEST at anything!"

Solution: don't worry about it. Do what you enjoy. There will always be loads of people who don't have half the skill you do, and you can impress them. ^^