Lemme just jump in here with an example of wingmen that I personally liked- Starlancer. Love it, hate it, "WTF is Starlancer?" it, I do think they got the wingmen right. Your wingleader (you may be Alpha 1, but you aren't the CO as a player) changes several times over the course of the campaign, and your fellow pilots do actually have personalities. They can (and will) die, eject, banter with each other- the sorts of little things that humanize them.
On a slightly different note, I had an idea for a campaign I may start working on at some point that would have your wingmates jump out if they're ship has taken too much damage- tantamount to defeat or ejection, since you lose support, but the character can be kept alive in a less ham-fisted method than simply giving them ship-guardian.