Not sure if this is as good as the original or not, what do you think (it's probably a little shorter):
Original:
The battle is still going strong, however, the HLP Militia is really starting to win now. Bullet fire can be heard, but now it's growing more sporadic. We cut to the a smaller battle in the center of the room, between venom2506 and Stealth.
venom leaps over top of him, doing a flip in mid-air. He lands with his back facing Stealth, and as starts to whirl around, Stealth plants a kick right in the center of his back. venom Goes flying forwards into a wall. He recovers quickly, and lashes out with a random roundhouse punch in Stealth's direction.
He dodges it easily, and pulls back with his left arm to let out a punch. We cut to a waste as his right arm reaches down at the same time, to pull out a knife. We cut back to the previous view as venom dodges the fake left-handed punch. In doing so, he gets up near him. Stealth twirls his hand around and grips his arm, pulling him towards him.
Drawing his knife, he sends it through venom's gut. We cut to slow-mo as he bends forward at the waste. Cut to a side-view of his head. His mouth is open, his eyes wide. A clump of blood mixed with spit flys forward out of his mouth. Cut to normal speed as he slumps to the ground on his knees, clenching the knife in his gut. Cut to a close-up of Stealth's stony face.
Cut to a close-up of Venom's face. He's gasping for breath. Suddenly, he starts to breath more normally, but more softly. He grins and lifts his head slightly. We cut to a view of his solarplexus, oozing blood from the knife wound. He starts to slowly pull it out, and as he does so, the blood slowly starts to stop. Eventually, when he pulls it all the way out. He's not bleeding anymore, and
the blood around the wound is now caked into his vest. We cut to Stealth's face, and he registers a surprised look, as venom2506 lunges at him with the knife. Stealth is obviously taken by surprise, and stumbles backwards with less surety in his steps, as he struggles to dodge the knife swipes at his head. Each time it comes extremely close, but he pulls his head back just in time to miss it.
Suddenly, venom trips his advisory, sending him crashing to the floor. As he brings the knife up for the final blow, we cut to wEvil, talking with daveb, in his old and now abandoned headquarters.
New:
The battle is still going strong, however, the HLP Militia is really starting to win now. Bullet fire can be heard, but now it's growing more sporadic. We cut to the a smaller battle in the center of the room, between venom2506 and Stealth.
venom is pulling out all the stops. He jumps up to land a flying downwards kick, but stealth dodges it, and venom hits the floor. The camera shakes, and dust and metallic debrees fly up out of the small hole that venom made. He leaps out of the hole, doing a flip in mid-air, and launches a punch at Stealth. We cut to stealth's face, as he makes a quick visual confirmation of this move, and brings both his arms up to block the incoming punch. We cut to his feet as he is pushed back several feet, more dust flying up. We cut to a little higher up on his leg, as he pulls it back and brings it around. We cut to venom's hard-set face. Suddenly, he looks right at us as the kick comes up flying into him. We cut to black for a single second as the kick connects, and back to normal. venom flys away from the camera and into a wall. He slides down from it, momentarilly stunned. We cut back to Stealth, as he leaps into the air, sending a flying kick straight for venom's head. Venom ducks beneath it. We cut to his waist, as he pulls out a long, silver knife. As Stealth hits the floor and turns around, we cut to his POV. Suddenly, venom appears out of the bottom of the screen, knife upheald and flying into the center of the screen. Just as it hits, we cut to:
INT. wEvil's abandoned HQ
EDIT: Probably gonna have to re-write it again, darnit!
