Here's a barrell of laughs for you:
Me: Close the door.
Mother: Okay *leaves door open*
Me: Close the ****ing door
Mother: Will do *leaves door open*
Me: *closes door*
Mother: *opens door* I can't close it, my hands are full
Me: *closes door*
Niece: *opens door*
Me: *slams door*
Father: Slam that door again and you can **** off out of here. You can close it, but you don't need to slam it!
Brother:: *opens door*
Me: *closes door as slowly and carefully as possible*
Father: Right, **** off out of [the front room]
Me: *goes into dining room to play SFC3 on laptop*
Father: And you can keep off the computer too
Me: *goes upstair to sleep at 2pm*
Brother:: Get out, I need the room too [inject myself with heroin] in
Me: *goes back on computer and closes dining room door*
Mother: *opens door*
Me: Close the door.
Mother: Okay *leaves door open*
Me: Close the ****ing door
Mother: Will do *leaves door open and starts watching what I'm doing on the computer*
Me: *types out 3 pages of "Fuckoff" in NotePad*
Mother: Childish bastard
Me: *closes door and screams:* I'm freezing ****ing cold, tired, hungry if one more of you stupid ****s leaves the door open I'm nailing it shut using some 6-inch nails and your head
Father: You better not be on that computer, boy
Me: Y'know what? **** it. Come try and stop me you fat, scottish, pie-eatin', faggot, ****head. You can even bring that junkie **** to call the ambulance for you after I snap your fingers off. I ****ing dare you.
Niece: Don't swear *stabs me with a pen*
Me: *makes a note to **** parents up once they're old, feeble and unable to fend for themselves*
Now, where'd I put that knife-sharpener?
