[aldo_14]

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator......and then turned it upside down!

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23)Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad

[diamondgeezer]

Peter Kay can go **** himself. Avid Merion is clearly the man - he's proper bo, I tell thee!

[Stealth]

Originally posted by aldo_14
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

i thought i was the only one who did this

[diamondgeezer]

Nah, everyone does it. It's just being efficient

[Rictor]

I do that all the time. The rest are great too.

[Knight Templar]

Oh man... I haven't actually laughed like that in a long time...

[diamondgeezer]

It's a shame, cos those things are funny as ****, and the guy's adverts for John Smiths just make me **** myself laughing. But the dude's stand up and TV series is just ****ing awful, I want so much to punch him. He seems to be of the opinion that whatever he says is funny cos he says it in a northern accent...

[demon442]

**** Peter Kay.  George Carlin has this sissy beat.  Not by making funnier shorts, but by making smart funny shorts.

Who else could have come up with: "The Christians are coming for you.  And they are not a pleasnt people."?

[Rictor]

Howie Mandel rules all. Jon Stuwart is also very funny.

I still can't believe that the guy who not only made Bobby's World but also voiced Bobby is a so...offensive. A raging, swearing, sarcastic maniac, but he's great at what he does.

[diamondgeezer]

It's proper bo, I tell thee!

[neo_hermes]

[diamondgeezer]

Eeh-op, check it owt, Craaaaiiiiiiiig David here, bo' selecta! I've come across't pond with me pet perigrine falcon, Kes, to break America. It's proper bo, I tell thee! Come on Kes, y'bast'd...

[Sandwich]

Ok, with this being an international forum, can we stick to english here?

Oh, and Steven Wright is cool, too. "I just had amnesia and deja vu.... at the same time."

[Nico]

Guess I'm not like everybody

[diamondgeezer]

Originally posted by Sandwich
Ok, with this being an international forum, can we stick to english here?

That's discriminatory against people from Leeds

[Fineus]

I don't see a problem there, that city should be isolated from the rest of the planet

(Note to anyone from Leeds who may read this...I'm joking, I don't hate the place and I've never been there. And look on the bright side, if you do live there you always have the greatest light at the end of the tunnel... you can leave )

[Petrarch of the VBB]

Don't worry Thunder. It's 10 miles from me, and it is a ****hole.

[kasperl]

These things are great, really.

[mikhael]

> 26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

You can if the dog he's carrying is a rabid Rottweiler, and he's not worried.

[Setekh]

Speaking from experience, mik?