Okay, just finished playing this mission again and I've made a few observations.
1. Dialogue: Some of the messages need a little work.
"Damn! This is ****ing boring. I hope we get the chance to kick some rebel butt."
Alpha wing just arrived, so how did Alpha 2 become bored aready?
"Shut up! Jones. If you don't shut up, I'm gonna kick your butt personally."
This sentence just sounds weird to me, try this.
"Jones, quit whining, or the only butt being kicked during this mission will be yours."
Or here's another.
"Yeah, that's right, Bill. When we finish our patrol, let's go to Big Earl's and take a drink. I 've been told it's a nice place."
The sentence is fine up to the last part, which gives the impression that whoever is talking isn't your average fighter pilot with a standard way of talking. I would just change that to:
"Let's go to Big Earl's and unwind, I hear it's a nice place."
"Four rebel bombers arrived next to us! Help!"
Put in have arrived, it makes the sentence sound better.
"The NTC Horizon is down. Delta, jump to Polaris V Orbital Shipyards, we need your assistance there."
to the Polaris V Orbital Shipyards.
"All the rebels in your area has been eliminated. But we're still engaging rebel forces all across the system"
have been eliminated.
"A Leviathan class cruiser and four wings of fighters has emerged from subspace. Hold on, pilots. We're sending reinforcements, now."
Either change it to with four wings of fighters (change fighters to escorts) or change has into have
"****! I couldn't taste that beer and peanuts! I'll make 'em pay for that!"
Take out couldn't and replace it with Now I can't taste that beer and those peanuts.
"Really?...i thought those things where dead and buried..."
Make it this instead I thought no one knew those old styles anymore.
"Cool...Hey! Alpha 3, remember last time we got drunk?"
Take out some of the wav files you use for messages, Kappa's last statement "Thank God! Thanks, Alpha. Come on, guys, let's get outta here." That does not match the dialogue coming from the assigned message file.
Also, in your messages, don't have command say " I'm ", say " We're ", or " We are ". If we knew the officer's name it would be fine, but we don't.
Okay, now for a few other things.
The Dashor jumps in too close to use its main cannons on the Executor. Move it back a good ways, at least another thousand kilometers. The Dashor should really jump in, fire off a few shots, maybe take a hit, and win the fight.
The four wings of fighters guarding the Executor at the end trouble me. I lost all of Alpha and Epsilon wings, and had to evade enemy fire and wait for the second wave of Epsilon. Try taking one wing out and making the others smaller, say with only three fighters.
The explosion of the cargo container is a bit too powerful, knocking things around like that. It should have an impact, it just shouldn't move so fast and flip everything around. Lower the shockwave speed a bit to make it more fluid. Right now it just explodes and flies across the screen.
The rest of the mission is fine in my opinion, though seeing the briefing icons move around and the view rotating would help. Also, the last part of the second stage of the command briefing is cut off because the text runs over the space you have for the message. Try rewording or rewriting this stage so there is no cut off.
I will watch for your reply.