Yes. The first report. Commence "wtf-ing" and all these other things. As I forgot who put it, "we'll be either laughing with you or at you." Thank you.
The Galatea: Damn, That Hole's Gonna Take a Lot of Metal to Patch Up
Good morning. I am InfernoGod, reporting to you live for Hard Light Productions. Join me this week as I investigate the Lucifer's attack on the Galatea.
*Stupid Theme Song*
The Galatea. During The Great War, it was one of the GTA's finest ships. Unfortunately, the Lucifer took the liberty of destroying it. But you don't know the true story. Sure, you saw the Lucifer punch a hole in it. But you only saw what happened outside. I'm here, at the GTVA's Records to investigate further. Here, they have archived everything that happened. Alright, let's see what we have here... Janet Jackson: Banned from Half Time Shows... Ah, here we go: Freespace: The Great War. Let's take a look, shall we? *flips open to the page about the attack on the Galatea and reads the article*
The Galatea was destroyed today by the Shivan superdestroyer Lucifer. Admiral Wolfe was killed. See obituaries. *flips to obituaries* Admiral Wolfe died on the Galatea. See the Galatea Is Destroyed Article. *flips to the article* The Galatea was... stupid archives. Why flip back and forth when we can go talk to the survivors? We'll take a trip back to 2335, during The Great War.
*Time Travel In Progress, Please Stand By*
Welcome to the year 2335, where the ships sucked and the weapons were suckier. We're here, at the Battle of Deneb, to interview Alpha 1. *begins to fly at a slow pace* Stupid Ursa... Oh! So that's why there was an Ursa in the opening cinema of FS2! Or so I'm told... Anyway, *flies behind Alpha 1*.
Me: Good day, Alpha 1!
A1 (Steak Sauce): Who the hell are you?
Me: I'm InfernoGod.
A1: ...
Me: I rule you all. I will...uh... stop the Shivans for good in the second sequal.
A1: Then do something about this guys!
Me: Use the Net, Alpha!
A1: What?
Me: Use the net! Go to
www.volition-inc.com for free cheats!
A1: *sqree!!!! awh!!!!!! bzzzz!!!!!!!* Stupid dial-up...
Me: Here, use my modem. *fires modem out of a missile tube*
*ALPHA 1 WAS KILLED BY A FRIGGEN NEWS REPORTER*
Me: Uh... Hold on...
*MISSION RESTART*
Me: Alpha 1, I am God. Answer me a few questions.
A1: Look, if it's about the space crack, I'm sorry.
Me: How do you feel about the Galatea being destroyed?
A1: It's...still here.
Me: *
www.volition-inc.com. Targeting Galatea. ~K.*
Command: Good god, we've lost teh Galatea!
Me: She's gone now.
A1: Crap... And I was so close.
Me: So, how do you feel?
A1: Terrible. Admiral Wolfe died.
Me: You should feel terrible. Because of your failure, you will now be stationed on a stupid ship with an equally stupid name: the Bastion.
A1: That sucks.
Me: You didn't protect the escape pods either. You bad man.
A1: I'm kinda in grieving here!
Me: Whatever.
Alright, that interview didn't go so well. Let's go to another source- Admiral Wolfe, the Spirit of Christmas Deneb. Or maybe he was just a ghost. We'll find out though. To find him, we must die!
*INFERNOGOD HAS SELF-DESTRUCTED, BUT HE HAS CREATED A BACK-UP FILE*
Well, here we are. We've gotta find Admiral Wolfe. Jeez, there are a lot of Shivans here. Hey, is that Carl? Wow. Look at of all of the ghostly lunches he's getting. Wonder how he got here. Anyway, let's find Admiral Wolfe.
*unos momentos despues de llegar* (a few moments after arriving)
Alright, here is Admiral Wolfe. Let's ask him a few questions.
Me: Good morning, Admiral Wolfe.
Wolfe: Have you come to give me your head?
Me: ...No. My head has already been signed off to HLP, Vasudan Division.
Wolfe: Then what do you want?
Me: I want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Wolfe: About...
Me: THE GALATEA! *dramatic music*
Wolfe: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you properly. Did you say I was gay?
Me: No, I said THE GALATEA *more dramatic music*
Wolfe: And...what significance does the Galatea have to you?
Me: Hey, right now, a lot of people are reading this, and giving me "wtf" faces. So just go along.
Wolfe: OK.
Me: What were your thoughts when the Galatea was destroyed.
Wolfe: Something along the lines of "****".
Me: Do you know how much metal would have been used to patch up the Galatea's gaping hole?
Wolfe: A lot. More than Command wanted to use. Because they suck.
Me: I see. Would it make you any happier to know that the Galatea is still floating out there? I saw it in the opening scene of FS2.
Wolfe: Obviously. Command leaves a lot of stuff out there.
Me: Like...
Wolfe: Well, they sometimes empty the headz storage bay.
Me: Interesting. Well, I'm going to prevent this thing from becoming too big. So I should get going. Thanks for your time.
Wolfe: Have fun.
And there you have it. The Galatea, one of the GTA's finest ships, was destroyed by a ship that had a kickass shield. And sweet beams. Pwnage. Thank you.
