Author Topic: ****ing Batman.  (Read 24949 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline übermetroid

  • Current Father Of Samus
  • 28
  • He who dares wins.
DKR Batman?  explain?
"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."

 

Offline Taristin

  • Snipes
  • 213
  • BlueScalie
    • Skelkwank Shipyards
****ing Batman.

Who is Robin?  I'll take Obscure jokes for 300, Alex.
Freelance Modeler | Amateur Artist

 

Offline Knight Templar

  • Stealth
  • 212
  • I'm a magic man, I've got magic hands.
What the hell was Batman doing in Australia?
Copyright ©1976, 2003, KT Enterprises. All rights reserved

"I don't want to get laid right now. I want to get drunk."- Mars

Too Long, Didn't Read

 

Offline Night Hammer

  • I Can't FRED
  • 29
  • You'll shoot your eye out...
Quote
Originally posted by Raa
****ing Batman.

Who is Robin?  I'll take Obscure jokes for 300, Alex.


:wakka:
Stop... Hammertime :hammer:

 

Offline Dark RevenantX

  • 29
  • anonymity —> animosity
Quote
Originally posted by Black Wolf
So today's the last day of classes before easter break, and I'm going home for the weekend tomorrow - got some family obligations to take care of, and I miss my dog. Anyway, I have to go into town and pick some easter stuff up beforehand, and I don't want to drive, so I'm at the bus stop, waiting for the bus.

Now, one thing you've got to understand about Transperth (ie. the bus company around here) is that the timetables - they're kind of more of a general guide than any kind of adhered-to schedule sort of thing. So when the bus was about 5 minutes late, I wasn't too concerned. At least, not at first.

Suddenly, I see a big green bus coming round the corner and through the roundabout up the road - the number on the front is right - it's the bus I'm waiting for. But this thing is taking the roundabout at about 70 kms - that's a damned impressive sight BTW - a full sized bus taking a roundabout that fast - wow.

Anyway, the bus comes screaming up the road and pulls into the bus stop with the screech and well known smell of brakes applied just that little bit too much. Then the door hisses open and I get a look inside.

Now, I take this bus fairly often, but the driver's always changing, but there are a few constants one learns to expect. However, none of those are "Black Cape, Mask, Rubber torso, utility belt". And you also dont tend to see middle aged men in Transperth uniforms lying in a small but slowly growing pool of blood next to the drivers seat. Yep, you guessed it. Batman was driving my bus.

"Tickets please."

Now, I was a little surprised by all this, as you can imagine, so I tried to start up a bit of a dialogue.

"Batman, dude, What the **** man! Did you just beat that guy up? He's ****ing bleeding and ****!"
"He was going to make the bus late! He was waiting for these old women at the last stop - slowest pair of *****es I've seen since Poison Ivy accidentally gave that sloth syrum to her minions instead of the GCPD."
"The bus is still late though."
"Ah yes," he says, with this sort of half smile that could have meant nearly anything. I guess it's hard to be visually emotive with a massive rubber mask covering the top half of your head. "But he would have made it later!"
"Still - I think the response is a bit out of proportion, don't you? I'm pretty sure he needs to go to hospital or something."

At this point, I think he got kind of pissed, because he gets up out of the seat, jumps off the bus and just sort of walks off mumbling about how **** like this never happens in Gotham. So I was kind of stuck, with a driverless bus and no other way to pick up my easter stuff.

****ing Batman.


In other words, he waits for a bus.  The bus suddenly comes up at supersonic speeds, and stops abruptly at the bus stop.  Upon entering, a bloody man is on the floor, and Batman is at the wheel.  Trash talk language pops up, and reassures the Black Wolf that Batman:
1. Forgot to take his pills
2. Therefore lost his acting job
3. Went to a bus station
4. Got a job
5. Still hasn't taken his pills
In short time, Batman lost temper and exited the bus, leaving Black Wolf on a bus filled with people and no driver, all whilst a bleeding man is on the floor.
****ing Batman.

 

Offline Falcon

  • 29
Funny stuff :lol:

 
He isn't drunk, cause we've seen him type while drunk, and that wasn't legible.

Lots of sugar?
just another newbie without any modding, FREDding or real programming experience

you haven't learned masochism until you've tried to read a Microsoft help file.  -- Goober5000
I've got 2 drug-addict syblings and one alcoholic whore. And I'm a ****ing sociopath --an0n
You cannot defeat Windows through strength alone. Only patience, a lot of good luck, and a sledgehammer will do the job. --StratComm

 

Offline Fergus

  • 28
(Sees title "Ah, must be more Fathers for Justice" but then sees the rest of the stories, language discussion and the other two tales)
Ah the joys of HLP.
Generic signature quote blabber

 

Offline WMCoolmon

  • Purveyor of space crack
  • 213
Jingle Bells
Batman smells
Robin layed an egg
Batmobile lost its wheel
And Joker took ballet
Hey!
-C

 

Offline NGTM-1R

  • I reject your reality and substitute my own
  • 213
  • Syndral Active. 0410.
I love these...
"Load sabot. Target Zaku, direct front!"

A Feddie Story

 

Offline Black Wolf

  • Twisted Infinities
  • Global Moderator
  • 212
  • Hey! You! Get off-a my cloud!
    • Visit the TI homepage!
So I'm heading off to class the other day - I was a little late as I'd been kept quite busy sleeping in. But I got up in what should have been just enough time, if I walked a bit faster than normal. Anyway, I've gone up, through the carpark and I was walking thropugh this little corridor thing when I see this group of people crowded around an intersection further up.

Being the nosy bugger that I am, and given that my university has, several times in the past, been visited by sausage selling naked women, I decided to have a bit of a sticky beak at what theywere looking at, despite the fact that I was still a little late. So I diverted and looked over some shoulders as I walked past - it wasn't the prettiest siget in the world - a guy, dark skin, bit shorter than me - was laying on the ground, blood coming out of a long, thin gash in his abdomen. I had a bit of a look, but the guy was being looked after and I was still pretty late, so I just kind of took note and kept walking.

I was kind of worried - the guy looked like he'd been stabbed after all, but I figured people wouldn't have been standing around like that if it wasn't safe, so I wasn't super worried. That was, until I saw the next group - and the next group - and the next group. All in all, five people had had stab wounds of various severity - and all on the way to my lecture theatre.

Now, I was getting a little freaked out here, but the kicker didn't hit me until afetr I'd rounded the final corner. There, standing out the front of my lecture theatre, was a man - a tall man, dressed in tighht black rubber and a cape, which seemed like a silly choice - it was a pretty warm morning.

"Batman?"

He turned around and looked at me, but didn't respond. The mask hid his face, but he looked far from happy.

"Batman? What happened?"

Again, no response, but he held up his hand, palm up. One glint of the sun on the metal was all it took.

"You didn't! You weren't..."
"Yes! I admit it! I was... I was... running with scissors!"
"Batman! Why? Didn't your parents ever tell you not to run with scissors?"
"My parents died before they could impart their wisdom to me."
"Oh yeah... point."
"I know that there is nothing I can do to atone for this terrible crime..."
"Actually" I said, "You could turn yourself in to the police - they'll probably be looking for you."
He kept going - Im not sure if he heard me.
"But I swear, I will devote my life to protecting innocents and fighting crime, so that no others must have their lives cut so tragically short!"
"Err... don;t you do that anyway?"
"Well, Kinda I guess."
"You know we do have a pretty decent justice system here - we could put you in gaol or something?"
"Perhaps, but... OH MY GOD! LOOK OVER THERE!"
And then he threw a smoke bomb on the ground. A few seconds later, when the smoke had cleared, he had disappeared. But I'm pretty sure he was just hiding behind a plant.

****ing Batman.
TWISTED INFINITIES · SECTORGAME· FRONTLINES
Rarely Updated P3D.
Burn the heretic who killed F2S! Burn him, burn him!!- GalEmp

 

Offline neo_hermes

  • MmmmmmNode!
  • 28
  • What the hell are you lookin at?
:lol:where do you get these stories?
Hell has no fury like an0n...
killing threads is...well, what i do best.

 

Offline vyper

  • 210
  • The Sexy Scotsman
Oh Batman, whatever will you get up to next?
"But you live, you learn.  Unless you die.  Then you're ****ed." - aldo14

 

Offline Black Wolf

  • Twisted Infinities
  • Global Moderator
  • 212
  • Hey! You! Get off-a my cloud!
    • Visit the TI homepage!
So I’ve come home from work last night, dog tired, (it was a Friday, and I’ve been working til 3AM Fridays for a few weeks now) and ready to go pretty much straight to bed (I had some toast first). Anyway, I go off to bed and I’m asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow. All of a sudden, about half an hour later I hear this massive crash that sits me bolt upright and, I’m not ashamed to admit, more than a little startled. And then, maybe thirty seconds later I hear it again – even louder this time. By this point there’re lights going on outside – obviously everyone else can hear it which discounts the possibility of a dream, when suddenly I hear... laughter.

I stick my head out the door just in time to see what’s causing all the ruckus and what do I see? Superman, resplendent in cape, tights and bright red boots, tossing cars around the car park. And right next to him, laughing his arse off, is Batman, with the Flash leaning hard against him, laughing almost as hard.

“Do it again!” He yells to Superman.
“**** yeah! JLA forever ****ers!”
“We are the Justice League! The mother****ing Justice League. And... we’re gonna kick your... what rhymes with Justice League?” (The Flash can’t sing, for the record).
“I dunno” Says superman, as he casually flings the car across the carpark, eliciting another massive crash. “I dunno. Oy! Where’d Green Lantern and Wonder Woman go?”
I couldn’t see what happened next, but whatever it was elicited a fair bit of laughter from the group. Presumably, there was going to be some new justice leaguers in nine months or so.

Anyway, by this point, I was rather irritated, as you can expect. I was trying to go to sleep, and here was a bunch of superheroes waking everyone up after a night on the town. Not cool.
“Oy! Keep it the **** down!” I yelled out the window.
It was Batman who responded. “What?”  
 “Shut the **** up. There are people trying to sleep!”
“Well... ****! Ha ha ha ha! Shi... Shi...”
At that point he collapsed and started vomiting, and I knew that I wouldn’t get much more out of him. So I just shut the window, endured a few more crashes, then watched them wander off in search of another pub.

****ing Justice League.
TWISTED INFINITIES · SECTORGAME· FRONTLINES
Rarely Updated P3D.
Burn the heretic who killed F2S! Burn him, burn him!!- GalEmp

 

Offline Unknown Target

  • Get off my lawn!
  • Global Moderator
  • 212
  • Push.Pull?
A one year bump? :wtf:

 

Offline Taristin

  • Snipes
  • 213
  • BlueScalie
    • Skelkwank Shipyards
The flash.....

he's the cute one in the red tights, yes?
Freelance Modeler | Amateur Artist

 

Offline Cobra

  • 212
  • Snake on a Cain
    • Minecraft
    • Skype
    • Steam
    • Twitter
yeah, the one that can run at superspeed. :D

BW, get of the crack and go outside. :lol:
To consider the Earth as the only populated world in infinite space is as absurd as to assert that in an entire field of millet, only one grain will grow. - Metrodorus of Chios
I wept. Mysterious forces beyond my ken had reached into my beautiful mission and energized its pilots with inhuman bomb-firing abilities. I could only imagine the GTVA warriors giving a mighty KIAAIIIIIII shout as they worked their triggers, their biceps bulging with sinew after years of Ivan Drago-esque steroid therapy and weight training. - General Battuta

 

Offline WMCoolmon

  • Purveyor of space crack
  • 213
Quote
Originally posted by Unknown Target
A one year bump? :wtf:


More like 2 months.
-C

 

Offline Cobra

  • 212
  • Snake on a Cain
    • Minecraft
    • Skype
    • Steam
    • Twitter
To consider the Earth as the only populated world in infinite space is as absurd as to assert that in an entire field of millet, only one grain will grow. - Metrodorus of Chios
I wept. Mysterious forces beyond my ken had reached into my beautiful mission and energized its pilots with inhuman bomb-firing abilities. I could only imagine the GTVA warriors giving a mighty KIAAIIIIIII shout as they worked their triggers, their biceps bulging with sinew after years of Ivan Drago-esque steroid therapy and weight training. - General Battuta

 

Offline vyper

  • 210
  • The Sexy Scotsman
This is a new twist...
"But you live, you learn.  Unless you die.  Then you're ****ed." - aldo14