[Jeryko]

Anyone here write/have written poetry?  I am curious because I just found some sonnets I wrote last year for me Senior WorldLit class.  I thought they were pretty good.

Wouldn't mind a critique and some other submissions...


---

Petrarchian


I hope to have someone dear while I'm here,
Someone to hold close, on a Winter's eve.
Just for her will I be able to hear,
All she has to say, adept or naive.
I will be earnest, and not insincere,
and for her, it won't be hard to achieve;
For you will never be the one I jeer.
I hope I'm loved by someone when I leave.

She who will love me, this is just for you.
I hope when you hear this that you will see
My love for you will never go askew.
Hearing this poem, I hope you forsee,
us together sitting in that church pew,
saying our vows for all the world to see.


Shakespearian


There is this girl I've really come to love
Her eyes sparkle like stars on a clear night.
Her smile, it must have come from Above.
God, she truely is a beautiful sight.

Her looks aren't all that I can see so clear;
Her nature still continues to amaze.
A quality I love and hold so dear.
Only with me, I hope she comes and stays.

My love for her cannot be more sincere.
This is a feeling I have never had,
A feeling that will never disappear.
Can she be mine? I hope, then I'll be glad.

It's not hard to think of her when we part,
'Cause she'll always have a place in my heart.

[Singh]

not bad; you write poetry pretty well (if, albiet, a bit short)

Wrong forum though - this needs to be moved to HLP art.

[Jeryko]

LOL, good point, didn't even think of the art forum...


Mods, could you please move?  Thanks


And sonnets are supposed to be exactly that long, but I have wanted to create longer versions of each...

[Fineus]

Moved

[Jeryko]

Excellent, thank you!

No-one else has poetry they are willing to share?  

[Knight Templar]

Star Wars, Episode 3,
I had such high hopes for thee.
So much potential, for an awesome movie,
Three hours in line, I waited to see.
Star Wars, Episode 3,
Alas, you disappointed me.

Months in advance, spoilers I read.
About Anakin losing it, cutting off Dooku’s head,  
About Anakin’s loss, with Padme dead.
Yet, sullied the life, young Skywalker led,
All skill in acting, Hayden Christiansen shed.

“It’s not his fault!” you shout.
“Life as a house! Shattered Glass!”
I’m sure he has some talent, there is no doubt.
Yet in the movie Star Wars,
He plays without.

Always whining, always flat.
“Wah! Wah! Obi-Wan is holding me back!”
You say you’re overwhelmed, you say you’re mad,
Yet that doesn’t account for,
Your acting, so bad.

Alright Hayden, maybe it’s not your fault.
Perhaps Lucas is to blame.
After all, his love scenes, man,
They couldn’t be more lame.

Creepy glances and awkward lines.
Mr. Lucas, my dear sir,
This is where your geekiness shines.

Yet I can dismiss strange love,
Without remorse.
We all know what Star Wars is about…
Redemption, and big space battles, of course!

Yet all we get, all we see,
The first five minutes following the Jedi,
It just wasn’t enough for me.

And the plot holes, woe be the plot holes!
Leia remembers her mother, but Obi-Wan forgets of her?
The Death Star, 18 years before its construction…?
Take that out, I would prefer.

Hey! Look, Chewbacca!
Isn’t that cool?
Yeah, totally!
Until Yoda rides him like a mule…

The editing! Oh the editing!
How many planets will we go to?
Please, end at Vader’s breathing,
And cut away to the crediting.

No plot, poor acting.
Little space battle, bad editing.
At the very least, the duels rocked.
Obi Wan versus Anakin,
His near death shocked.

Star Wars, Episode 3,
Such high hopes I had for thee.
Three hours in line,
I waited for ye.
Perhaps you’ll be different,
in a month or three.
An hour of deleted scenes,
And CGI edits.
All for $69.93,
On the re-re-re mastered DVD.

Performed at a school poetry slam. Took 2nd place.

[Setekh]

Jeyko, I like your work. I used to dabble in poetry quite a bit myself, especially during the high school years... it's fun stuff to write.

Originally posted by Knight Templar
Performed at a school poetry slam. Took 2nd place.

Serious? That would be pretty cool.

[Jeryko]

Thats awsome KT !  It fits the movie perfectly.

Here are some random Renga/Haiku I wrote same class.  Some of these may seem cheesy, probably becuase I did them the few minutes before they were due...

---

Stars fill the night sky
There are too many to count
They are beautiful
Little white dots in the sky
They are a wonderful sight


Love is beautiful
It is what God made us for
Everyone can love
Maybe some for the wrong thing
But everyone has something

---
Seasonal--

The birds are singing
A grand orchestra of sound
It must be springtime (<--- My treacher liked this one in particular                                       for it's metaphor)

A vast Universe
Hundreds of billions of stars
A brisk night shows few

Flowers are blooming
Spring has finally arrived
And so too the rain

[Sandwich]

Haiku rocks.

KT, that's just a whole lot of concentrated awesome. Can you put that online somewhere so I can link to it in emails and such, with proper creditation and all?

[Knight Templar]

You bet.

http://nodewar.penguinbomb.com/aotd/KT/EPISODEIII.txt

[Knight Templar]

Originally posted by Jeryko
Some of these may seem cheesy, probably becuase I did them the few minutes before they were due...

Yeah, poetry is kind of a mixed bag. Sometimes the pressure helps, sometimes it doesn't. I knew my school poetry slam was coming up for months-- I'd been planning it with teachers. Yet I didn't write anything for it until the week of. I had a few ideas, but nothing good. Then I saw Star Wars twice in 12 hours and was hella pissed. Got the inspiration I needed.

I wrote another one for the night about bowling, only after I went bolwing two days before the contest. Sort of like modeling for me these days, where I can't model anything nice or creative without some kind of apifiny (sp?) first.

[Knight Templar]

Triple post

Edited the link. Texts are easier to read.

[EtherShock]

That was great KT!

*Has plenty of poetry to share, but paranoid his work will be stolen*

[Jeryko]

Nah, I highly doubt anyone here would steal others' work...



right...?  

[icespeed]

hey jeryko, that's pretty cool stuff. personally i'm not much of a love poetry person but i can appreciate it... that's moderately cool stuff you've written (i wouldn't say fantastically awesome, that's taking it a bit far...) nice stuff for your gf eh?

this is part of a longer piece the rest of which i hate and want to burn:

"... Believable fools
Or fools who believing
Belief belies the underlying
Believer's fooled..."

i love playing around with words like that.

[WMCoolmon]

There once was a boy named Bill
Until he took a big fat white Pill
He imagined himself on a Hill
With a duck's nefarious Bill
Which itself rested upon a Sill
And all the water nearby was Still
But the boy soon drank his Fill
And died of a miserable Chill.

[General Freak]

This was written right before I took my exams. It's untitled.

As I sit behind my desk, I feel that the end is nigh.
Calmly and serenely
I look outside into the starry sky,
but quickly turn away from the distraction and think morosely:
How will tomorrow go?
Will my rushed preparations give
as much as I put in and sow?
Or will I prevail through my own confidence and live?
Like Alexander's fearless charge at Issus
I will go in and do my best no matter what,
my victory travelling along an isthmus.
Too long have I relied on my
own self-induced pride, arrogance and inflexible frame.
Tomorrow I will either learn to change or die,
or, if I somehow succeed, stay the same?

[TopAce]

What's your opinion on this?
http://www.hard-light.net/forums/index.php/topic,17655.msg338745.html#msg338745



Anyway, it's my 6000th post!

[Jeryko]

Wow, thats an old post.  Where's you admin poem btw, hmm...?  

[TopAce]

No longer in my memory....