Elves to the rescue! I was right in assuming he'd gone elven, because the elven caravan had exactly what the insane bastard wanted: Cloth. Of course, his elvishness didn't quite extend to actually making elvish craftsmanship. Oh no. Instead he decided to go grab a rock, carve an image of dwarf on it, bore 3 holes through the thing, then string 3 pieces of cloth through the holes and finally tie them in a knot to keep them in place. He calls this creation a scepter. Legendary, no less. I call him insane. Maybe I can convince him to lob it at a passing kobold...