[KewlToyZ]

Taking up some martial arts is a great healthy consideration as well.
But do it with someone reputable and not "Fight Club"

[varsaigen]

I'm beginning to think I'm downright crazy, or stupid, or just selfish.

I keep getting in big fights with my parents... my mom mostly. Big fights, yelling, screaming, glaring at each other, trying to make each other feel like ****. After a half hour of this I'm usually at the point where I want to hurt my parents, but I'm unwilling to do it, so I'll lash out on the nearest inanimate object.

This is less bad if it's an object like a door, which is destroyed by a punch and just leaves a big bill for me to pay in dish, trash, and catbox chores, but sometimes I end up getting hurt, in stupid ways.

I don't know if any of you remember when I came on here after cutting my tendon with a butter knife after fighting about drinking, but that is one example of this. The thing is, it keeps happening, and I don't know how to stop it.

I don't know a thing about mental help, but I really don't have the money to go to a full fledged therapist... but on the other hand, I don't have the money to keep on getting hurt, and I don't have the will to go on like this...


What the hell do I do? I'm trying to get a job so I can move out, but no one is hiring. And besides, it's pretty obvious at least part of the problem is ME, and I want to fix me, so I don't end up being an abusive, destructive person. My little brothers shouldn't have to live with this either.

Weird place to ask for this type of advice, but I had to ask somewhere.

Run. Yes, run. Run, I hear Banjos! 'First, they get inside your head. And you may not notice it, but then they start to control you. And eventually, it drives you crazy. So, the best option to lower the pain: RUN. I Hear Banjos...'  :nod:The banjos make people insane by repeating the first 30 secs for over 24, 7... 

[captain-custard]

i think an important thing to remember is that has a lot to do with your age  (im not trying to patronise )
its a difficult period the late teens as your are becoming a fully fledged adult and at the same time when living with parents you are still in there eyes a child, when looking back at the arguements you are having with your parents see if there is a common factor in all of these....

try to address issues before they come to a head..;

remember that in these situations no-one is right or wrong , family  relations can be difficult. Try to find a moment when things are going well with your parents and talk not about what you have been argueing about but how the arguements unfold, explain how this is affecting you and how you are reacting too this (try to give each person the time to speak freely without interuptions or judgements and try not to get angry)

As for therapy when its a family issue the whole family needs to do this ,, not just one individual within that family unit...

if things are too difficult and you find that trying to talk does not work, explain to your parents calmly that you need some time to think and write your thoughts and arguements down , this will give you time to calm down and explain in a coherant way ... then give this letter, note to your parents, but do not use this as your only communication with your parents....

what else can i say , good luck this period will pass and with time life moves on ,

[Mars]

This is indeed the basis for many of our arguments; and yours is an excellent suggestion. The problem we (my family in general) have been running into is that none of us are very good at talking about anything, after these fights we will all simply pretend they never happened, and any attempt to talk in an adult fashion about the issues we had been fighting about will be ignored.

I remember one argument in particular (this is obviously from my perspective, it's certainly not an accurate reflection of what happened)

Coming home from the last off a five week class I had to attend for drinking a wine cooler (yes a wine cooler) near school property:

me: Well that was stupid (referring to the class)
father: What do you mean?
me: I mean they didn't really get into my motivation for doing what I did.
father: Well you're young, and your brain isn't fully developed
me: And so?
father: You don't have very good judgment.
me: And what does that have to do with anything?
father: Your headstrong and ignorant.
me: Yes, okay, we've established this, what's your point?
father: That you don't have all your faculties yet
me: but... but why does that matter?! Why are you telling me this?
father: Don't talk smart with me!

*situation deteriorates ends with me banging down on the dinner table with a butter knife and cutting my tendon*

My problem is these fights usually occur in a closed situation where I really can't go off by myself, or calm down... I suppose I've never tried just shutting my mouth... I think I'll do that next time.

[captain-custard]

as for your fathers arguement that your brain isnt fully developed .... ermmm welll your brain is actually working a lot better than his and mine in reality , its just you havent had the time to learn to emotionaly duck things that are thrown at you so your reaction returns too fight or flight and as your not afraid you fight,

learn too duck its not that hard , and learn to talk as a family its great when it works, within your family heirachy choose the parent you find it easier to talk with and if you have the opportunity outside of the famiy home start to talk ....

its hard at first but gets easier

ps

avoid sharp objects

[Mefustae]

Coming home from the last off a five week class I had to attend for drinking a wine cooler (yes a wine cooler) near school property:

me: Well that was stupid (referring to the class)
father: What do you mean?
me: I mean they didn't really get into my motivation for doing what I did.
father: Well you're young, and your brain isn't fully developed
me: And so?
father: You don't have very good judgment.
me: And what does that have to do with anything?
father: Your headstrong and ignorant.
me: Yes, okay, we've established this, what's your point?
father: That you don't have all your faculties yet
me: but... but why does that matter?! Why are you telling me this?
father: Don't talk smart with me!

*situation deteriorates ends with me banging down on the dinner table with a butter knife and cutting my tendon*

My problem is these fights usually occur in a closed situation where I really can't go off by myself, or calm down... I suppose I've never tried just shutting my mouth... I think I'll do that next time.

You... You do realize that, in that little exchange, your father appears to be calm while you come off sounding like some sort of jabbering mental patient. I think drugs are the answer. Ritalen, Catapress B, Weed, it's all the same junk, just take some. It'll calm you the **** down before you give into the little voices and the neighbours are calling the police about the horrible stench after you and your family "disappear" for several weeks.

Seriously, everyone gets angry, just deal with it. Walk away, mellow out. If it's really a problem, seriously consider pot. You're in high-school, so it shouldn't be too hard to hunt down the class dealer. Light up when you're feeling agitated, and feel it melt away. As long as you keep it from becoming an addiction, it should really help you.

[captain-custard]

I think drugs are the answer. Ritalen, Catapress B, Weed, it's all the same junk, just take some

eeeek please whatever you do avoid all of these solutions

after 20 years of working with young ppl and personal experience in my life suppressing reactions and problems does not make them go away, ritalin will turn you into an emotional and intellectual zombie weed will make you paranoid , for me these are not solutions but extra problems to deal with,

ok im gunna stop my doctor bob speech

[Mefustae]

I think drugs are the answer. Ritalen, Catapress B, Weed, it's all the same junk, just take some

eeeek please whatever you do avoid all of these solutions

after 20 years of working with young ppl and personal experience in my life suppressing reactions and problems does not make them go away, ritalin will turn you into an emotional and intellectual zombie weed will make you paranoid , for me these are not solutions but extra problems to deal with,

ok im gunna stop my doctor bob speech

Ritalin i'll agree with, but weed... well, let's just say that if you live in the world we live in and you're not paranoid, something is seriously wrong with you.

[blackhole]

Anyone advocating drug use should be thrown into a bfred. Drugs are not the answer, they're escapes for sissies who can't handle life, so they run away and dope themselves up so bad they can't think anymore and then ***** about how drugs ruined their lives.

Life can suck. Drugs will only make it suck worse.

If your pissed off, go outside, hang a ball or something similar on a rope, tie the rope to a tree branch, pick up a stick, and hit it. And then hit it again. And over and over and over and over. Before you know it, a half hour will have gone by, and you'll be having fun instead of being pissed off.

Of course, I prefer to use a machete, but hey, thats me...

[captain-custard]

Anyone advocating drug use should be thrown into a bfred. Drugs are not the answer, they're escapes for sissies who can't handle life, so they run away and dope themselves up so bad they can't think anymore and then ***** about how drugs ruined their lives.

Life can suck. Drugs will only make it suck worse.

If your pissed off, go outside, hang a ball or something similar on a rope, tie the rope to a tree branch, pick up a stick, and hit it. And then hit it again. And over and over and over and over. Before you know it, a half hour will have gone by, and you'll be having fun instead of being pissed off.

Of course, I prefer to use a machete, but hey, thats me...

im quite shocked at how many ppl here have posted that the solution to being angry is to break , hit something , ok a concentrated physical action to change the emotional and chemical level in your body but hit something , not sure .....

this is just a personal opinion but for me violence does not help with anger , for me it is a bad reaction to being angry....; and the step between hitting an inanimate object and the person infront of you is not a large one to take if we condition ourselves to believe that when we are angry that we should hit something.....

a step back or away from the problem is probably a better solution;;;;;;

[Mika]

It might be worthwile to point out a difference between young and slightly older people and how they get angry. When young people get angry, it is mostly a feeling. Little bit older people don't get that angry, the better word would be irritated since there is some brain control behind the feeling. For older people, I would recommend against hiding your irritation, especially if induced by working place. As long as it doesn't get to a yelling competition it should do quite well and relieve your stress. Mind you, a good curse word will help time by time.

Here, for adults (hah!) like me the best anger management method is to go up and start punching a rock. About yelling to parents, I cannot really advice of that since I never had to. Yeah they were complaining about my inactivity and not doing my chores, but it never got that bad. Come to think about it, when during the 16 to 18 years-old time I wasn't that much home any more, evenings consisting of playing badminton and floorball - and occasionally homework. But hobbies could help, depending on the situation. I think the majority of arguments between parents and youngsters could be avoided with some hobbies on youngsters side (supported by parents, that is), but then there are cases when that is absolutely inadvised and the whole family would need advice from a psychologist.

Mika

[colecampbell666]

Looking at your age, you probably graduated, but my school hosts anger management sessions, you might wanna check.

[ShivanEmperor]

Anyone advocating drug use should be thrown into a bfred. Drugs are not the answer, they're escapes for sissies who can't handle life, so they run away and dope themselves up so bad they can't think anymore and then ***** about how drugs ruined their lives.

Life can suck. Drugs will only make it suck worse.

If your pissed off, go outside, hang a ball or something similar on a rope, tie the rope to a tree branch, pick up a stick, and hit it. And then hit it again. And over and over and over and over. Before you know it, a half hour will have gone by, and you'll be having fun instead of being pissed off.

Of course, I prefer to use a machete, but hey, thats me...

Ha! I thuaght you were about to suggest hanging himself.

Well anyway...

If your aproaching adulthood and your getting into arguements such as these to do with chores,age,the age of your brain, etc... These are things your perents should not have control of at your age. Think about it; why do your perents have you do chores all day while they stay lying on the couches all day watching TV and eating their TV dinner. This is usually a sign that your perents prefare time to themselves most of the time. They usually prefare to have you do all the chores because they can't be bothered to themselves.

Ask them what their lives were like before you were born. if they say something like "Well, life was hard because there was so much work to do and you weren't here." well then that makes it a childs responsibility to do chores then. But you are an adult now. If they start treating you like a child again and sayingthat your brain is not complete yet then they just can't accept the fact that you are no child who obeys their every whim. Tell them that as an adult you now longer need to do chores anymore. Your perents didn't have to so why should you?

Another thing is anger. Yes, your father spoke quietly and didn't get very angry but you did. However it seems that even your perents get angry sometimes. Just teach yourself that your and your perents anger is also the problem.

If there is anything I know about arguements, is that they can end simply by knowing who's fault it is. If you know that the fight started because of you then you had best apologize whcih should end it then. But if the fight started because of your perents then you tell them why. if they won't believe that it's their fault then turn the tables on them and become their perents. A simple "I won't be treated like a child any more!"

I hope that solves your problem. If your in a really bad mood them watch something either very funny, very dramatic or very scary.

Allways remember, if you are an adult now then DO NOT take "You brain isn't developed enough" as an answer. I'm not even 20 and I'm already a rocket scientists.

[Mars]

I have no problem doing chores, I have no problem doing work, I don't mind trying to help out the family. That sort of thing isn't about control, it's about living in a house with other people; everyone needs to do something or things will go downhill.

I do have a problem with my father repeating himself over and over again to tell me I'm stupid, even when it has nothing to do with the conversation for instance.

My father was, in fact, yelling just as loudly as I was in this particular case; at that time neither of us were.

[varsaigen]

Well, I have to admit that sometimes, I get enraged enough I want to break the person making me angry. XD My solution usually ends up with me walking away and brooding about how I hate them (don't do this. Not fun. Just makes me feel evil...), or I come up with a way to turn it on them by using my bran (analyzing, evaluating, planning). And usually comes out with either them mad or me winning. In that position, I can easily beat the school kids around me with just my logic. >:3

But I don't suggest either option I showed. Perhaps I shouldn't have posted them, but it provides for analysis as to what you can do. You'll fgure t out eventualy. Also, no drugs. They'll make you'r anger problem worse (no offense)

[Snail]

It probably won't work for other people, but I just take a few deep breaths, lock myself in my room, scream at the top of my voice for five minutes, start screaming some more until my throat is sore, and then coming back down with my Dalek T-shirt.

[colecampbell666]

I just win every argument that my parents throw at me by using logic, and if that fails, I go out with my friends.

[varsaigen]

lol logic wins again! =D

[Snail]

My parents are always right.

[varsaigen]

then I shall prove them wrong. Have them tell you what letter my name starts with! XD