[NGTM-1R]

So we haven't had a Twilight topic, which I'm pretty sure would unify the board in its complaints. Maybe that's why we haven't had one. (You wankers enjoy arguing too much.)

But here, I present my theory of what Twilight is really about. Let's hear yours.

Someone once noted that many Twilight fans tend to misremember the books, and posisted that they were more important for the feelings they engender then the actual text, which is frequently not remembered correctly. I think this is true of pretty much all romance novels. However I also think it just happens to work very strongly in Twilight's favor to read it through rose-colored glasses.

There are, of course, many objectionable things about Twilight. I'm not going to bother with Stalker Edward, Creepy Edward, Motherfraking Guanoeating Insane Edward (thank you, Robert Pattison, for canonizing this one), or any of the other standard interpretations, though they all have considerable merit.

FAIR WARNING: THE REST OF THIS POST MAY TRIGGER YOUR SQUICK FACTOR OR JUST GENERALLY CREEP YOU OUT. IF SO, I RECOMMEND LEAVING THE INTERNET FOREVER. /B/ AND /D/ WILL COME FOR YOU EVENTUALLY AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT. POST NOT SUITABLE FOR THOSE UNDER 16. DO NOT EXPOSE POST TO FACE WITHOUT EYE PROTECTION.

Twilight is softcore lifestyle BDSM fantasy. This is not a bad thing in and of itself. (If I broke anyone's brains by saying either of those things...enjoy your paradigm shifting without a clutch, suckers. I find lifestyle intensely distasteful anyways...but then, I would, demanding equality from a relationship as a precondition.) The problem comes in that it does not admit it's softcore lifestyle BDSM fantasy.

You think I'm joking, yes? Examine, then. Bella is clearly the submissive in the relationship. She has no power at all. Edward could kill her about as quickly as it took to form the thought and she has no defense. He frequently talks about doing so no less. And he is The Guy You Can Never Leave. Edward has all the power and can basically do anything he likes to Bella on a whim and she has no recourse. Now because it's fantasy there are no safewords or outs. (There are other reasons for no safewords or outs but I've broken enough brains for the evening.) Edward will never actually go too far because it's fantasy and he has mindreading magical powers so he knows exactly what the sub wants. Bella proves invaluable and special and unique and the only one who can satisify the dominant because that's what every sub wants to be.

And like any form of communication, it has power to influence the communicated with. But literature is a more subtle, and therefore more effective, method of doing so then most. This is okay, if you know what you're getting into. But Twilight lies about itself and says it's romance. It's no more romance than any of the more kinked scenes from the Kushiel's series or Sword of Truth.

[Dilmah G]

Twilight: The single biggest pain in the ass to Teenage Boyfriends this Earth has seen since Romeo and Juliet in '96.

I'm not reading Twilight in this, or the next life. 

[Aardwolf]

Cool.

Has to go look some words up now.

[TrashMan]

Movie Bob, Bum Revies (The guy with the glasses) and hte Spoony One tore the new movie a new one..in detail.

All 3 revies are very fun to watch. I highly reccomend them.

[watsisname]

Twilight...  It's a ****ing stupid movie based on a ****ing stupid book about a ****ing stupid girl who ****ing wants to **** a DAZZLING~ vampire.

[Ford Prefect]

Guys, keep it down; you're going to hurt Hollywood's feelings. You know how much they were looking forward to an enthusiastic reception from dudes in their 20s.

[Flipside]

Twighlight: Not an excuse to use capital letters in the title of the thread

[mxlm]

I think Bella's submissiveness and so on has less to do with BDSM lifestyle fantasy and more to do with a Mormon dealing with her "proper" place in a marriage.

Anyway, no discussion of Twilight is complete without The catalog

[Colonol Dekker]

Twilight is pooh

[StarSlayer]

It outsold Dark Knight 

[Turambar]

[Colonol Dekker]

 


Gey joke

[iamzack]

So we haven't had a Twilight topic, which I'm pretty sure would unify the board in its complaints. Maybe that's why we haven't had one. (You wankers enjoy arguing too much.)

But here, I present my theory of what Twilight is really about. Let's hear yours.

snip

It's just your average self-insertion Mary Sue. No need to go thinking there's anything else there. I don't hear a single thing about the Twilight series that hasn't already been extensively done in Mary Sue fanfiction. People who don't know how to deal with actual human interaction love that ****.

[Blue Lion]

Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I had to go look up Mary Sue?

[Scotty]

Depends on whether you like going here. 

[StarSlayer]

Depends on whether you like going here. 

Oh noes...

[mister J]

ah, the twilight series. Girls falling in love with vampires and werewolves.

Too bad it ended at book 4, I was looking forward to book 5, when she falls in love with a hunky zombie named Joe, who can't make love with her because of decay, or Book 6, where she gets abducted by a UFO and falls in love with a hunky Alien named Steve, but they can't have sex because of incompatible parts. Or Book 7, where she falls in love with this hunky Balrog named Jeff, but they can't consummate their bond because it's too big and is covered in flames.

And there was book 8, where she falls in love with this hunky amorphous shapeshifting blob named Billy, this hunky Egyptian mummy and this hunky mutant seabeast with tentacles. She falls in love with all of them at the same time and angst ensues.

Then Book 9 where they all fight for their lady love. I'm betting on the Balrog.

...Wait. What the hell did I just say? 

[Uchuujinsan]

I've seen that movie without ever have heard of "Twilight" before (some friends asked me to go there), and I have to admit I liked it. Well, the "sparkly vampire" thing was horrible, horrible, even without getting told so by the hatedom, but the movie had a lot of nice scenery porn.
And it was a refreshing contrast to the more depressing stories I usually watch.
Not to say it was great, but somehow enjoyable, for me at least.

Though, given the extracts I have seen of the books, I certainly never want to read those :/

[Turambar]

And it was a refreshing contrast to the more depressing stories I usually watch.

I would rather watch Children of Men, followed by the battlestar episodes on Earth (not the finale).

[Nuclear1]

I actually ended up seeing the movie.  I hated it at the time because it chickened out of doing a full-on sex scene (complete with nakedness and stuff).  I was angry because I wanted to see Kristen Stewart naked or half naked at least.

Then it (breaking) dawned on me:  why would I want to see Kristen Stewart naked? 

Then I hated the movie for making me want to see Kristen Stewart naked.