[Mefustae]

Relationships. As geeks, they are the ultimate conundrum for every one of us. We may be able to defeat the final boss of the Intenet (he was hard), but social interaction on a more intimate level comes as hard to us as it does to everyone. The ups, the downs, the minutia of the simple times, and the horribly complicated interactions and sub-verbal cues of the harder times. When does one go beyond thinking the experience falls within the realm of normality, and when does one seek advice from friends, family and - very occasionally - the faceless mooks for internet forums?

That's not to say I expect any truly enlightening or constructive comments from a thread like this, but it's more the feeling of having other folks - separated by hundreds if not thousands of kilometres - thinking about the same thing. Family and friends may be infinitely more useful, but they're don't provide the experience of getting advice from the Internet. Also, while my question may seem ironic, I am in no way attempting to suggest that geeks know nothing of relationships, as I know many of our regulars and momentary purveyors have girlfriends, wives and even mini-HLP'ers in their lives. So I ask this devoid of derision or irony, and merely as a way to seek the wisdom of this great, tubular information machine we all currently worship as our Lord and Master.

And that question is:

How can one recover when one way ****s up?

[Bobboau]

what do you mean by recover, and what do you mean buy 'way ****s up', are you asking how do you put your self back together, or how to fix said relationship, or are we assuming 'relationship over: you lose'

[Inquisitor]

If you ****ed up, apologize.

If that doesn't work, do it again. If that doesn't work, do it again.

You'll know when to stop.

If she ****ed up, and she apologizes: Accept it and move on.

[Colonol Dekker]

There are no rules for relationships. You may as well try and explain the dynamic between you and your siblings or best mates.
 
I don't see why there's a stigma on this subject. All you need is the bottle to get hold of her and the general knowledge and social experience to keep hold of her. . . . . Or him where appropriate.
 
 
I may have said this before but much like having to learn the fundamentals of computing to enjoy the realm of pc gaming to a higher degree. If you want a crack at a member of the target gender you need to bite the bullet and get stuck into their pop culture. The whole spectrum from clubbing to mediocre soap operas, the style of clothes they'd like a partner in. Even if you just buy one shirt for pulling in.
 
You can't reach that level of interaction without doing the research and gaining the experience.
 
It's a fact.
 
 
 
 
Edit- and messing up is bit of a loose term. The actions required to resolve it should reflect the level of severity in the offending mess up. Did you forget her birthday or end up doing the nasty with her best friend? Were you late back from a lads night out or break a plate by accident? 
 
This is all relative to the individuals involved. Some people would let any of these slide where as some women i've known would blow breaking a plate out of proportion.
This is where the experience comes back into it. Knowing not to mess up in the first place is obviously a bonus. The first port of call in this situation is talking with her. Building up experience is paramount so you can hold that conversation without it escalating to a flashpoint.
 
It's all relative to you two in the end. There's a s reason i've had success with so many women. It's because I don't stop learning. Every day speak to someone new at work, or on the train. There's no wrong response on their part, it's about building experience and confidence.
 
Blah blah blah.

[Blue Lion]

There is only one way to recover, say you're sorry. If they don't want to hear it (even after they've cooled down), you might not be recovering at all.

Life isn't a romantic comedy so all you do is be sincere and wait on the other person. Tell the truth and hope for the best.

[Sphynx]

General question, general answers.
Specific question, specific answers.

Relationship dynamics are understandable and amenable to enhancement. While predicting exactly what will happen in every situation is not realistic, a relationship can be analyzed and worked on as well as anything else. We don't have to approach relationships like they are some great mystery. There will always be some uncertainty and risk, but we don't have to pretend that we are flying blind and stupid. However, for any given interaction you want feedback on, if you want specifics, you have to give specifics.

My general advice: see the other person as being a person just as real as you, with equally valid desires, thoughts, feelings, fears, etc. When you see a need, respond to it the way you would want the other person to be responsive to you (although keep in mind as you get to know each person that we have to learn their specific styles and "love currencies." Being perfect is not required. Being attentive and in the game is.) If you miss a need, apologize for missing it and ask the other person to help you understand it better in the future. Also, never, never use, manipulate, or coerce the other person. That kills trust and can taint and destroy an otherwise healthy relationship that could be long term. Don't try to control the other person. Take accountability for your own actions and make treating the other person well your responsibility. This is the best way to invite them to take accountability for treating you well.

[Turambar]

Tura ****ed up pretty bad. We'll let you know how he fixed it once that happens.

[MP-Ryan]

If you ****ed up, apologize.

If that doesn't work, do it again. If that doesn't work, do it again.

You'll know when to stop.

If she ****ed up, and she apologizes: Accept it and move on.

Nothing I can that except that when you apologize, take responsibility for your ****-up.  Excuses make an apology meaningless.

[Nuke]

relationship is just another word for fail

[S-99]

Relationship is just another word for *****slap.

Believe in the theory of "un****ing". Imagine it as watching a porno. The dude gets done ****ing the girl, and the you press rewind and literally watch the girl get un****ed right before your eyes.

No one can quite do this in real life if you got it on with someone (there's no revert to intact hymen maneuver). But, the idea is just to fix a situation to the point of reversing the affects of it. Some things you can un****, like if you ****ed up a computer, and it happens to be something you can reverse the damage on.

As far as relationships go, stay away from closet alcoholics (you never know until you're dating them). Keep up communication, research the relationshipee, be yourself, and when problems arise...un****/resolve them by talking and maybe with something nice like flowers or whatever.

The only thing about relationships i do not understand is who pays for dinner on a date? The only times i pay for two dinners is when it didn't happen to be expensive, it was free, or i ate two dinners. As far as that goes, 50/50 does go a long way.

[Colonol Dekker]

I've been asked out before and she's paid. As mentioned in earlier topics it's all relative and there are no ironcast rules.
It all depends on your dynamic.
 
The classic Edwardian days are long dead, women are just as capable of paying a bill or buying you a drink. Anyone with girly mates should understand that women are just like us but with different junk.

[MR_T3D]

I've been asked out before and she's paid. As mentioned in earlier topics it's all relative and there are no ironcast rules.
It all depends on your dynamic.
 
The classic Edwardian days are long dead, women are just as capable of paying a bill or buying you a drink. Anyone with girly mates should understand that women are just like us but with different junk.

Ted (Edward) disagrees to an extent.
big world, some girls still like it..

[Dilmah G]

relationship is just another word for fail

Nuke fails at relationships.

[Turambar]

Anyone with girly mates should understand that women are just like us but with different junk.

This.

[IceFire]

Ahh yes relationships.  My perspective is somewhat altered from the last time we had a major relationship thread on here.  Back in September I started dating after a 9 year dry spell.  The dry spell itself was caused by a number of different factors ranging from being shy, to embarrassment, fear, sometimes a lack of interesting or available girls, and so forth.  Oh and a bit of a chemical imbalance didn't help either... so fast forward to now and things are VERY different in my life.  I've learned some lessons... some harder and some easier.

It's easier after you've done this a few times but basically if you like someone do something about it.  Right away.  If it doesn't work then make sure you do it in such a cool way that it doesn't matter if you were rejected.  It's ok... move on to the next.  My problem was often thinking that I was looking for "the one" right away... and that was stupid.  I should have dated more and just dated for the companionship (take this however you will I generally mean on a romantic level).

Alright... so there's my bit in there.  Recovering from a mistake.  That really depends on so many factors it is hard to say... but I will suggest two things.

1) Communicate.  In my experience nobody is really good at this naturally so work hard on communicating.  Figure out your feelings and get it out there.  If you're deep enough into the relationship then it seems to be a good thing to really talk about feelings.  If it's at the beginning then that is a lot harder... No matter what stage you're at... talk about whatever it is and work it out.  Don't bottle it up... that is only damaging.

2) Apologise.  Takes a real person to stand up and say "Hey... I ****ed up. This is how... I'm sorry." That is hard for some people more than others but either way do it and do it quickly. Also this makes you look better because you're willing to take responsibility for mistakes you've made.  Now... maybe even harder is following through on that.  If you blew it in some way then do your damnedest to never do it again.

I will say in closing that... sometimes relationships are irrecoverable. It takes two to pull it out of the fire.  If the match is good (no matter what happens in the end) then you can do something about it. Stuff seems to happen for a reason but you can't wait for it to happen to you (another mistake of mine). Go out and find it!

[Androgeos Exeunt]

If you ****ed up, apologize.

If that doesn't work, do it again. If that doesn't work, do it again.

You'll know when to stop.

If she ****ed up, and she apologizes: Accept it and move on.

Words to live by, Inquisitor. A sincere apology still works even in this day and age.

[NGTM-1R]

Know when you're dealing with an unrecoverable situation.

[IceFire]

Know when you're dealing with an unrecoverable situation.

A good piece of advice and well said... but often difficult to know

[S-99]

Words to live by, Inquisitor. A sincere apology still works even in this day and age.

Whatever happened to lies and deception that cover your candy ass?

[Androgeos Exeunt]

Whatever happened to lies and deception that cover your candy ass?

That's this day and age.