I spent some time in IRC discussion with Goober500.
While the discussion began productively, I was ultimately taken aback by Goober5000's repeated assertions that Rian's departure was irrational and emotional, which seemed to me to be rooted in a stereotypic view of women. (Rian, when informed, handled these allegations with humor and good grace, and talked about Goober in an understanding and sympathetic way at some length.)
When I pointed out that his grounds for this belief were incorrect, he accepted the correction gracefully, but nonetheless I cannot help but view this as partial confirmation of allegations leveled against him. I am doubly hurt by this because I have strained my own friendships in Goober's defense in the past.
I will review my current status re: HLP and present a decision via appropriate channels. In the meantime, will accept any criticism that people feel is appropriate with humility.
I consider Goober's original argument in this thread to be essentially destroyed. However, his treatment of the issue has raised larger concerns regarding my relationship with Goober5000, Hard Light Productions, and the issue of misogyny which I feel the need to examine. I would like to stress that I do not view this situation as the personal fault of anyone, and it does not impact my personal assessment of anyone involved, especially Goober5000.
Although I believe he evinces evidence of sexism as a deep and unrecognized psychological fixture, this does not make him a bad person, nor does it make him necessarily deserving of condemnation. It would have been easy for me to blow the issue off; it is, after all, not particularly critical to my life to correct the sexist injustice of a fan projection about a fictional science fiction universe. I am, perhaps, too combative for my own good.
My decision to engage with the problem of misogyny here rests in the fact that I believe that a) it caused distress to my loved ones, and that b) Goober5000 firmly believes that this distress is due to a fault with these loved ones and not with his own actions.
In this case, he substituted accusations of hypersensitivity and irrationality for the most basic human consideration that he might be wrong.
What perhaps troubles me most is Goober5000's belief that his words here, since they concern a fictional scenario, do not impact women who read them. This saddens and disappoints me.
it's irrelevant whether it's a boys club or not (I don't doubt it is) -- the point is that her exit was an irrational, emotional retreat
This remark by Goober in particular appears to me to be self-contradictory. He later recanted the statement, but nonetheless I believe it evinces a deeply problematic attitude: the belief that his actions were not hard-hitting and painful, and that, if they were, it was the problem of someone else, and not his responsibility.