[S-99]

Ok, so he sounds like nothing more than an acquaintance so far, but yet to be still be determined.

[Scotty]

I've found that it helps to consciously try to not be antagonistic.  Sure, it takes a lot of effort, but it really pays off if you can pull it off for a week or so, when being slightly more blunt doesn't hurt the relationship as much as it would earlier on.

[iamzack]

I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.

[BloodEagle]

I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.

I snorted.

[Thaeris]

In that case Zack, do you want to be friends with this person?

...I will note that in some instances you'll just be seemingly incompatible with people - this can be for whatever reason: you just can't mesh with that personality.

If that's not the case, is it worth changing some of your behaviors to accommodate that person? Forcing yourself to change for another might be a poor choice in certain instances, but being a good friend also calls for the ability to work with and understand others. Converse and discuss your differences - "fate willing," you might even become closer friends that way and if nothing else, learn something.

[Scotty]

I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.

Emerald and Ruby?  Nice.  Didn't work out too badly, did it?

[iamzack]

I'm not sure I care very much about being friends with this guy. It's nice to know (due to the "True Love Waits" facebook group) that he wasn't just talking to me because he wants in my pants (yes, I'm that narcissistic).

Ruby seems much cooler to maybe befriend. Except for the whole got pregnant in high school, had the baby, lives with the baby-daddy now thing. XP I'm too young to be friends with people who have children.

[General Battuta]

I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.

Emerald and Ruby?  Nice.  Didn't work out too badly, did it?

GET MARRIED AND CHANGE YOUR LAST NAME TO WEAPON

[BloodEagle]

I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.

Emerald and Ruby?  Nice.  Didn't work out too badly, did it?

GET MARRIED AND CHANGE YOUR LAST NAME TO WEAPON

DO IT DO IT NOW! 

[iamzack]

:< b-but..

[Mongoose]

So i'm sure you realize that the vast populace of the world are stupid, if this wasn't the biggest showing of it to you then idk what is.

You tend to blurt out things, i do too, it's not a bad thing at all. You're either semi or fully bluntly honest. Either is not bad because it shows you don't have too much of a problem with honesty, you don't hold back, you speak your mind, and this counts at many times when people need to hear it.

Where this plays into people not wanting to be your friend because of different ideals is because THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT! It's their own lack of intelligence that makes them think that they can't be friends with someone of opposing ideals.

Also this bluntness of yours plays into another fact that is definitely true of myself, and maybe for you too. Nobody likes the stuff you say ever. Nobody likes the things i tell them, but that's the simple fact of yet again THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT!

Hoo boy, S-99, I can't wait until you release your version of "How to Make Friends and Influence People"!  I'll buy the very first copy, yes sirree!

[übermetroid]

If all else fails, wear a mask and be a different person for different people. (I'd argue this is a survival skill for the work world.)  You can always keep being a liberal elitest asshole along with us, we like that sort of thing.

The survival skill is a good point.  You need to be able to communicate with others in the real world.  Better start learning how to now.

I make it a point to never talk about myself and just ask them questions on how / who / what / when / why.

[Qent]

Where this plays into people not wanting to be your friend because of different ideals is because THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT!

This doesn't sound too nice to iamzack now.

But I think it cuts both ways. There are some things that should not offend you, and people's religions and ideologies are among those. On the other hand, there are some things that you should be careful about because they might offend other people, and that also includes their religions and ideologies.

[MR_T3D]

sounds not unlike myself and a neighbour I have here in residence.
pity, but I merely was friendly to everyone until I found people I get along great with, and now I have great friends.
PROTIPS (FOR REAL): If your faculty has events, GO TO THEM, if there are people with similar schedules to you, hang with them because you sort of know them.

[S-99]

Where this plays into people not wanting to be your friend because of different ideals is because THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT!

This doesn't sound too nice to iamzack now.

But I think it cuts both ways. There are some things that should not offend you, and people's religions and ideologies are among those. On the other hand, there are some things that you should be careful about because they might offend other people, and that also includes their religions and ideologies.

Taking things out of context, if all you read out of my mega post was just the bolded idiot parts. Then you didn't get why the other person is an idiot in that scenario you quoted from me if it's not self conclusive enough.

People don't have similar ideals all the time, for the other person to think that they can't be your friend simply because of this is their own lack of intelligence that makes them think so.

There's people i disagree with all of the time, do i stop being their friend because they have different ideals than me. Definitely not, unless their ideal is pro-nambla.

Instead of dumb people stopping being friends with people of different ideals they don't agree with, how about staying friends and exploring why they feel that way.

Now as opposed to thinking of bluntness being part of iamzack's problem. I'm saying it's not. In my example of people not liking very many of the things come out my mouth with the girl who asked for advice about how to handle her drinking problem. It was simple enough, she got blown away by the fact of my extremely simple answer and was dissatisfied with it. A recovered alcoholic would have told the girl in my example the same thing, just probably not so in a nutshell with my delivery. She'd still have the same dissatisfaction towards the answer.

It's as simple as this Qent, people don't like to be sold on stuff they don't like to hear. To contrast this, there's enough bad deals going on in every single country where people get conned out of something for nothing because they kept being sold on stuff they liked to hear. Do dumb people who ask advice from a wise person go ape **** over the simple solution they got told? Yes, because they didn't ask a question being receptive to an answer, and secondly it was something they didn't want to hear (this second part really makes people unreceptive). Instead they want to hear of a solution they like, but hardly does this ever happen. And no, i'm not referring to myself as a wise man.

This is why i feel bluntness is not iamzacks problem with finding friends. She just needs to find real people to be friends with.

[Androgeos Exeunt]

Does anyone else suck this hard?

Me, perhaps, but only because I don't consider everyone I meet in person or online as a friend. I only consider someone to be a friend for a very good reason. As of now, only six people in the whole world are considered a friend to me.

[TrashMan]

I did a good job of that with Ruby. Waited until 3/4 of the way through the semester to bluntly tell her I could not be around her baby due to my inability to be nice to small animals.

 

[TrashMan]

There is a very thin line separating bluntness for rudeness.

I'm a very blunt person myself, but moderation and self-control are a must in any civilized society.
If I ever unintentionally insult someone, I go out of my way to make it clear it wasn't intentional or that there was a misunderstanding.

I have a few good friends and many aquantances, but I can't think of a single person (that I know of directly) that I alianated with my stances. Social contact, like anything else, requires constant mantainance.

F'course, it doesn't help much that this advice comes from someone most people would describe as an anti-social introvert

[S-99]

On average people see bluntness with being rude, but that's not how it always is. Of course i do moderate myself as the way you do yourself.

I alienated a lof of the people on my campus because they don't like the things i say and because i try to be an upstanding individual. The dude who went to the party next door the night before and tells me how he purposefully didn't get drunk, but got this girl super drunk so he could get her in bed, is going to hear what i really think for sure (a lot of people i alienate because they're scum). Somebody wanting help is going to be getting my best answer and action (sometimes these people get alienated because they couldn't handle a mind numbingly simple answer, in which case they didn't really want help, i guess they shouldn't have asked a question).

I have alienated many people that i thought were friends simply because of the fact ****ups don't like to hang out with somebody who's not a ****up unless you do stuff for them. The university i went to had a really crappy student body.

F'course, it doesn't help much that this advice comes from someone most people would describe as an anti-social introvert

You can learn a lot from observing.

[Qent]

Where this plays into people not wanting to be your friend because of different ideals is because THE OTHER PERSON IS AN IDIOT!

This doesn't sound too nice to iamzack now.

But I think it cuts both ways. There are some things that should not offend you, and people's religions and ideologies are among those. On the other hand, there are some things that you should be careful about because they might offend other people, and that also includes their religions and ideologies.

Taking things out of context, if all you read out of my mega post was just the bolded idiot parts. Then you didn't get why the other person is an idiot in that scenario you quoted from me if it's not self conclusive enough.

Of course I read your whole post. I just quoted that part to note the irony. "This isn't nice to iamzack" was not an argument for anything.

The only problem I had with your assessment is that you seemed to be hugely understating the responsibilities of the blurter and laying them all on the blurtee. However, in the specific example you gave about your acquaintance asking for your advice, she should have been open to a blunt response because she asked for your advice. So of course being blunt isn't always rude. In that second example, you were also justified in being blunt, since it was pretty obvious someone was getting hurt, and possibly raped. But in normal conversation, when your advice is not requested, it's usually better to hold back. Agree to disagree and let them be different without saying anything to challenge them directly. Judging from your last post, you don't really believe that it's okay to say just anything either.

I'm not saying to be dishonest, but it's important to think about how your words will be interpreted. You can challenge someone's religion (just for example) with the intention of having a worthwhile discussion, but under most circumstances, they won't hear that you want a real discussion. Instead they just hear that you don't like them because of their religion. So you should at least try to know how someone else will interpret your words (which apparently I'm no good at ).