Children, gather 'round and let me tell you the story of the Chatéau du Gravier.
As the name suggests, the Chatéau du Gravier was made of that vilest of building materials, gravel. Why gravel? The architect was building for the French, so why not
To the credit of the otherwise useless putz who commissioned it, the plot of land upon which the castle was built had a beautiful view of the sea.
Alas, said putz passed on, and Chatéau du Gravier changed hands. The new owner was a moody, militant twat, who modified the castle, claiming that no army could hope to capture it!
Curiously, the structure was renamed Castle Janeway, shortly thereafter. When asked what she had done to make the structure impenetrable, she replied that she hadn't made it impenetrable, just impossible to capture.
Some people might have started with a door
, but Castle Janeway was not run by "some people." Castle Janeway was run by one tyrrant.
Castle Janeway's ruler insisted that the sixty-two blocks of TNT laced into the gravel walls be left on display for all of its occupants to see, not covered, so that they could rest easy, knowing that no force would capture the fortress.
And so they tried to sleep, but rest did not come easy.
Rest did not come easy, for one night, as day had just begun to break, the castle watch heard something in the hills.
Something was being built in the those hills, but in the earliest rays of daylight, nobody could tell what.
Then, as day dawned in earnest, the truth presented itself!
The French army, incensed at the renaming of Chatéau du Gravier to something decidedly non-French, had arrived with their cannons!
Worse still, and almost inconceivably, they were pointed in the right direction! Unfortunately for the French, those cannons were also made of gravel, and they were placed much too close together.
Being that they were made of gravel, the cannons were less like cannons and more like giant shrapnel bombs.
Giant shrapnel bombs that managed to fling one live round over the walls of Castle Janeway, that is.
...and when you have sixty-two blocks of TNT built into your walls of gravel, one live round is all it takes.
Not that anybody could be terribly fussed, since nobody particularly cared for the tyrrant of Castle Janeway, the French army, or the glorified pile of gravel that was Chatéau du Gravier.
They do say, though, that bits of the castle were flung so far afield that they can still be found washing up on the beaches today.
...so when you see trash littering the land around your beach, remember that it's the French to blame.
Good night, children.