[sayoqod]

Preface: For English, I had to write a formal apology to someone...anyone. This is that apology. This is meant for funsies, but if you feel you absolutely MUST critique my writing, you may. Note: I'm aware I suck at conclusions.


My most humble colleague, friend, and roommate, I would like to thank you first of all for taking this time out of your ever-pressing and busy life to listen to what I hope you will perceive as an earnest and truly compassionate appeal. I must confess to you a matter that has caused me – and, I’m quite sure, you – a great deal of fitful unrest. I admit, the matter has kept me awake at night, struggling to bear the grief of the crimes that I am too aware have been committed. I can only pray that you will forgive me for the gross transgressions that have passed in your presence.
   The place in which we live has been defiled, soiled by this person so unfit to even wipe the dirt off of your precious shoes. You, in all of your masterful glory can surely not comprehend what it is to be a lowly pauper such as myself, but I hope that, in this case, you will allow me to be better, to attempt to bring myself up to a level that is acceptable to your refined palate.
   There is only one way for me to accomplish the enormous feat of becoming even remotely comparable to the excellent person you are, so that I might not remain the blight on your existence that you feel I am today, and that is through painstaking effort and study on my part. I ask not that you teach me (for I am sure that would cause an even greater inconvenience than does my current presence), only that you continue to be a ray of hope, a beacon of light showing me the way to the person that I desperately wish to be.
   I will follow your ever-shining example of what a truly great roommate is. I will pray for the strength and power of will necessary to change myself however I deem necessary to become a mogul of social awareness, someone fit to reside with the likes of you.
   In time, I feel, we will have achieved a state of coexistence to be admired and desired by all who hear of it. Our prosperous and triumphant dorm will gain a reputation as being in a perfect state of equanimity. Others will flock to it, and to us, hoping to learn of our secrets, of the methods necessary to become like us. We will serve as the standard to which all other dorms are held. This, and much more, I will bring about for us. May it soon be so.

[iamzack]

 

[Polpolion]

you don't even mention what you're apologizing for

in fact it's all rhetoric

[sayoqod]

you don't even mention what you're apologizing for

in fact it's all rhetoric

That was the purpose of the assignment, it was an exercise in rhetoric.
I think it was fairly obvious that I was apologized for just generally being a shoddy roommate in general, anyway

[iamzack]

it was supposed to be an apology for bringing down the average coolness of our dorm room by being so lame

[FUBAR-BDHR]

You had beer coming out of my nose at esteemed roommate.

[sayoqod]

You had beer coming out of my nose at esteemed roommate.

I'll take that as the compliment I hope it was intended to be

[TopAce]

You don't have to mention what you're apologizing for. Not mentioning it makes the letter more personal, because it builds on the shared knowledge of the two of you - the others needn't know it.

You start by addressing the addressed directly, and that's good. The beginning is solid as well. It's a good idea to show your appreciation to your roommate, or to anyone you address. By the end of the first paragraph you had already gained your "audience's" sympathy, and that's the purpose of the beginning of a rhetoric act.

It's also good that you make promises to live up to her expectations; however, I think you put way too much emphasis on it. Your apology suggests to me that you're willing to become Zack's subordinate, and it's inconsistent with the concluding paragraph. Instead, I suggest you mention an earlier hardship that you two managed to overcome together. Don't make it too specific though - remember: you're building on shared knowledge. Then reiterate - briefly - your earlier promise. Then finish by pointing towards the future - the two of you will overcome difficulties again. No matter what's ahead of you, the two of you are inseparable.

Your vocabulary is impressive. However, that doesn't mean you must use the widest possible range of vocabulary, rhetoric assignment or not. Rhetorics isn't just about using the most eloquent register of your language to convey any message. If your instructor demands bombastic words, then the assignment is bad. A personal letter - even if it's an apology - doesn't call for such language. This style is closer to eulogies than anything else.

[Col. Fishguts]

I was waiting for the conclusion as to what horrible transgression you committed, alas it did not come. I was disappoint.

[Flipside]

If an apology is needed, apologise, no need to post it on a public forum really. Either you can sort out your differences or you cannot, but debasing yourself in public is something you may find you regret later Also, and maybe it's just my age speaking here, I find the concept of 'Dorm Pride' mildly amusing

[sayoqod]

If an apology is needed, apologise, no need to post it on a public forum really. Either you can sort out your differences or you cannot, but debasing yourself in public is something you may find you regret later Also, and maybe it's just my age speaking here, I find the concept of 'Dorm Pride' mildly amusing

It was a joke, Flipside I didn't do anything, I just had no ideas for this assignment, and this is what iaz came up with. I thought it would be fun, and it was. And "Dorm Pride" was absolutely supposed to be silly, I'm glad you saw it that way

...

It's also good that you make promises to live up to her expectations; however, I think you put way too much emphasis on it. Your apology suggests to me that you're willing to become Zack's subordinate, and it's inconsistent with the concluding paragraph. Instead, I suggest you mention an earlier hardship that you two managed to overcome together. Don't make it too specific though - remember: you're building on shared knowledge. Then reiterate - briefly - your earlier promise. Then finish by pointing towards the future - the two of you will overcome difficulties again. No matter what's ahead of you, the two of you are inseparable.

Your vocabulary is impressive. However, that doesn't mean you must use the widest possible range of vocabulary, rhetoric assignment or not. Rhetorics isn't just about using the most eloquent register of your language to convey any message. If your instructor demands bombastic words, then the assignment is bad. A personal letter - even if it's an apology - doesn't call for such language. This style is closer to eulogies than anything else.

I didn't think much of the style, but I was supposed to base it on the apologetic speech given by Clinton after he was revealed to be a liar after the "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" debacle. You're free to disagree, of course, but this is how I viewed that speech.

The vocabulary wasn't because it was a rhetoric assignment, that's just how I write and occasionally when not on the internet. But I take your point.

[Flipside]

Those sort of things don't work It didn't really help Clinton.

Apologies should really be done face to face if possible, letters come back to haunt you. And posting them publicly simply looks like self-debasement. The only time a written apology should be needed by people is in an official capacity, but when apologising to friends, apologise as a friend, and expect as much as you give.

[sayoqod]

Those sort of things don't work It didn't really help Clinton.

Apologies should really be done face to face if possible, letters come back to haunt you. And posting them publicly simply looks like self-debasement. The only time a written apology should be needed by people is in an official capacity, but when apologising to friends, apologise as a friend, and expect as much as you give.

I agree. Clinton's speech was bull****. That was more or less what I was trying to convey.

I'm unsure if you're just making a point or if you didn't catch my response, but it wasn't actually an apology. It was supposed to be a sort of script for a speech I would give to zack. And again, it wasn't actually serious. But I quite agree with your point.

[StarSlayer]

"Never apologize. It's a sign of weakness."
   -Leroy Jethro Gibbs

[Flipside]

Yup, I realised it was a test after I posted, so I was sort of trying to rework my answer from a critical perspective rather than a personal one

"Never apologize. It's a sign of weakness."
   -Leroy Jethro Gibbs

LEEEEEEROY er....... GIBBS!

sorry

[sayoqod]

Yup, I realised it was a test after I posted, so I was sort of trying to rework my answer from a critical perspective rather than a personal one

Ahh, quite fair enough.

[Flipside]

Heh, if I'd read the thread through, I wouldn't have had to backpedal so fast anyway

[sayoqod]

Heh, if I'd read the thread through, I wouldn't have had to backpedal so fast anyway

I doubt you're the only one who scanned for the point and then posted

[Mongoose]

Woah, wait...you're Zack's roommate?   Wow, that's what I get for being 100 pages behind in WHIYL.

[sayoqod]

Yup, roommies. It's teh greatest