Thanks for the post draft, Kagetsuki.
Some thoughts:
- Maybe include the SCP's website's URL
http://scp.indiegames.us/- Actually, we don't accept contributions.

The HLP website has a donation page for maintaining the forums etc., but my understanding is that HLP is okay money-wise for the time being.
- You might change the wording to say that HLP/SCP has created "completely original missions, content packs, mods, and entire games (total conversions) running on FSO, such as The Babylon Project
http://babylon.hard-light.net/ and Diaspora
http://diaspora.hard-light.net/ ".
- Maybe change "FreeSpace is a massive space combat simulator" to "FreeSpace 2 is a classic space fighter combat game that is famous for its massive capital ships"
- As mentioned, FSO is not open source by the standards of the Open Source Initiative, although the source code is available.