I thought long and hard about how to reply to this post. Reading it, it made me indescribably angry for all the presumptions it speaks to, for all the implied "You're a LOSER if you give up now!", the "If you abandon this part of your life, you're a FAILURE" mentality it represents, all angry'd up with some anecdotes of yours that are completely irrelevant (and sound more than a little overblown).
I don't think i was being irrelevant at all. You most likely won't want to see or understand why. It's all about the high potential for people in his situation or similar to become what i have angered you with.
I spent 3 long, miserable years chipping away at a CS degree until I finally figured out (after a particularly bad spell of depression that ended with me staying at a hospital for 3 months) that a) I am unsuited for University education, and b) the stuff that I would be doing with that degree would not be the stuff I want to be doing.
And yeah, once I figured that out? I got into long and stupid arguments with my parents about how I should be continuing that education regardless, how I should just power through all those difficulties to somehow make it work so that the years I sunk into this wouldn't end up wasted.
Thankfully, my parents are reasonable enough people so that they understood the issue and backed off on that topic.
I'm glad you have made sure to make as best a decision as possible for yourself, that you got out of depression, and then that your parents eventually understood. The only thing that got me out of my depression at my old university was my parents unwillingness to see me drop out, and to switch my degree to something else. Switching my degree was the fix for me to continue. Because it's so demotivating to do something you don't like doing for years to become even depressed by it. I didn't get a choice in quitting (of course there was a choice, i just didn't care for the idea of being the laughing stock and ill tempered treatment from my family for the rest of my life), i was just lucky that the change in classes that i would be taking was just sooo much better.
What you are doing, S-99, is not helpful. Saying "Just use drugs to get through the hard parts!", or "You have to finish this, else you're never going to finish anything ever!" is stupid. You're either creating new problems (drug abuse, yay!), or deferring finding a solution for these problems; some people may be able to live with that, but others (and I would wager most) will not be. Passing it as good advice, and using abusive language on top, is not good behaviour.
It's not so much about just do drugs to get through the hard parts (and sometimes drugs do help), but more about finding really anything to help with the pain and monotony of studies if you must continue.
A lot of times in my life i still have to complete what i no longer believe in myself. Sometimes, what you no longer believe in, is what you still have to do. It is hope that potentially being faced with what he no longer believes in, should he continue on, or do something else? Really that's all that matters. I really don't think of him as a failure or someone who can't complete something. My use of the words tard and ****wad were not for calling him those absolutely, but that he never achieves what i meant by those words. Because right now, he could go anywhere, good or bad, in any direction.
Sorry if i'm quite harsh in this subject. I've been surrounded by people in real life who quit highschool and college for really stupid reasons. A few times it dealt with a college friend who got depressed because his girlfriend broke up with him, and he said to hell with it all (he endured college for a few years for a very bad reason). One idiot quit college by pissing in the corner of a lobby. However, most people get depressed, and that leads to them usually thinking about quitting college. I can only vouch for the college experience, not the phd or graduate school experience (that's why i didn't touch upon those).
The phd experience from what i gather in this thread is that it should technicly be the easier decision (to quit or not) since basicly super duper over dedicated people are more geared for it because of the time and dedication involved.
However, it's what happens after when people quit stuff that can not always be good that raises red flags for me. Not for seeing them as failures in the beginning, but seeing people never developing a strategy, direction, ambition, and plans for life eventually leads to them becoming failures in the future. A lot of this deals with people not wanting to follow through constantly for some of the most stupid reasons ever, which leaves me high and dry, with the bill, and a **** ton of wasted time over the years.
I also believe that he won't become a failure. I mentioned all i mentioned to show just how bad the decisions some people make for how it can end up for themselves, and how they affect others; all the stuff that people don't like to think about or hear. Particularly quitting studies is a big moment, should he choose to stop them, he like others will be going from one difficult situation to another (which is a given). I just hope if he does quit, and moves onto that other difficult situation being life and re-integration with it, that this doesn't become another slump, or at least not a long slump, either way because depression follows.
Finally, let me quote something you said in a later post here:
EDIT: Yes i know i can be quite derisive at times. But, people in his situation raise a big red flag for me since they can develop a nasty codependence with the people who choose to do more than just pity and offer advice.
This is you projecting your prejudices on someone else. Asking for help is not weakness. Accepting help is not codependence.
You didn't understand what i meant or was saying about codependence. I in no way meant that accepting help is codependence, I didn't even state that.
I said the people you help can develop codependence. A situation you can't think about currently i suppose. It's a situation i'm talking about where you choose to help someone out, but then as time goes on, the person that you have helped out became codependent upon you to do anything for themselves.
