[deathfun]

[Off-character: Hell, I'll need to think of puns related to bigger guns and more related one-liners. And it would be freaking awesome if the transformation to MECs was actually by soldier deaths in XCOM]

This mechanic would actually be pretty bloody amazing, but at the rate of what's happening in my LP I'd have more MEC soldiers than ever needed

deathfun someday this thread will not utterly destroy my browser to open, but this is not this day.  I guess the fact that I keep reading it regardless makes me a legit masochist.

Ha! Suppose there's something to be said for my posting seven missions in a row


^{So I had saved before doing this mission, and apparently the image for the description of the mission is wrong because the mission changed its parameters? Woo, I guess, but this is an EXALT mission so not really woo... specially since it's defend rather than grab intel and jet}

"Well I'm going to die obviously. EXALT and point defense? ****"
"Oh come on Dart, you're not even human"
"Ironically enough, neither are the EXALT operatives at this point"
"Is that even ironic?"
"They're trash, so they'll be taken out like it"
"Best show them how its done old man"
"I WILL DELIVER UNTO THEM DEATH IN BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS"
"Well said mother****er"





"Did Hobbie just... leap out of the skyranger?"
"****, he just left imprints in the ground below!"


"We're not going to make it to the encoder"
"Quite true NGTM, Gortina, stay back and keep eyes down the parking lot. Rest of you cover the entrances to the transmitter"
"HOBBIE WILL BE ON THE ROOF LIKE AN ANGEL OF DEATH"



"Look alive people"
"Their colours are so wrong"
"You're wearing pink"





"We're clear for now. Move up and keep it tight"



"Making a move for the relay"



"You were damned right about not being able to get to the encoder"



"With misses like that no wonder you couldn't catch the A-Team"
"Oh **** off"
"Incoming!"



"I can do that too... is it possible to make the alien grenades explode pink?" ^{If this mod exists SEND IT TO ME}






"Your soul shall be delivered from your body... TO HELL"
"They've almost got the encoder hacked"
"Prepare for their push"




"Oh they're shooting at me! Of course they are"
"Do you ever say anything else Guy?"




"You aim is weak squishy flesh forms"
"Guys... I'm starting to worry about Hobbie"



"My little piece of concrete will be your undoing! Eat 1200RPM"



"Little sniper man dies by the hand of God... ME"



"Double tap ****er"
"You're not the only one Trash!"




"Hey guys... he's a tool"
"What?"
"He's hanging out by the tools!"
"..."







"Little fleshbags, YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT. REPENT OR DIE"
"Ha, like she's not going to kill them regardless"



"Know what's ironic?"
"Here we go..."
"These guys are like Scientologists, but their Xenu god probably gives no ****s about them"




"I should drink more... would help my aim"
"WAIT YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING!?"
*swigs flask* "Now I am"




"BOOOOOM! Damn I love explosions"



"Heading into overwatch"
"Guy behind us is moving"









"Yari! Get the **** out of there"
"You don't have to tell me twice"





"Nice cleanup there jr2"
"Someone get a slippery when wet sign, their blood is making the floors a hazard!"




"Hodamn, pointblank with that thing is gruesome"
"HIS SOUL IS NOW MINE"



"Scratch another one for the gorgeous gal in the back"
"ROCKETS"
"Should rename you Team Rocket"




"Another one round back"


"****"
"Side guy is mine"




"Oh they're going to have to glue you back together!"
"Got your back Yari"



"Guy, why did you use the pistol? You can reload and shoot in the same turn! Wait... did I break the fourth wall"
"What the hell are you talking about?"



"Just a little bit longer"
"****, can't we just get rid of EXALT already?"



"Screw you Hannibal"
"They're just running past us"






"Yeah... justice has been served"
"Last one is on the move here"
"Make that two"





"Good finish Dekker"
"I don't take orders from you!"
"You're a specialist..."






WHY WASN'T I RESEARCHING THAT **** BEFORE! ELERIUM POWER WHATEVER THE CRAP FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

[deathfun]

Welcome jr2, you've successfully been promoted throughout the entirety of the ranking system and are basically a resident badass. Some tough calls on your training, but I hope you'll be able to put it to excellent use

Lieutenant Trashman, we've got no more training to provide for you so may you deliver and show the new faces here how's it done back in your day!

Why didn't anyone tell me that we could've had these damned arc throwers twenty missions ago? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME

Sir we did, we even directed you to the wiki

What?

It's true, while back we showed you the stuff and you went all "Hurr durr we don't need that quite yet" so yeah

...****

We've got a large UFO sighting... he's hugging the ground

Prepare the Skyranger... looks like he'll be landing in South Africa

"Looks like we're babysitting on this abduction mission"
"Would you prefer we just never get reinforcements?"
"Fair point"
"Evening all, I'll outlive all of you... wait what's your name again?"
"If you die, could I get a sample recording of your screams?"
"God damned greens"





"Fast and easy people, not a lot of enemy activity was reported so lets get this over with"
"Rookies, stay frosty and you'll get through this. Rest of us will make sure you see home again"
"Sectoids due East, looks like they haven't seen us yet"
"Sniper, make us known"




"Moving up"



"2/3 pilot inbound"




"And I won't look a day over thirty"
"What's that?"
"Beserkers, everyone stand their ground"



"Get back Commander, we'll let them come to us"





"Watch yourself Scotty, you've got floaters up there"


^{I love four tile cost free shots}



"Someone calm her the **** down"
"OH GOD HE'S JUST TOO BIG"
"...Must resist"





"Got your back Scotty"






"Hudges is down!"
"His name is Hughes"
"Oh... I forgot, my bad"




"Good sweep"
"Someone help Hughes"
"You're going to make it soldier, hold on there"





Hell yeah I'll take that money. I like money

[Phantom Hoover]

am i still alive

am i top gun yet

[Lepanto]

--Personal Log--

Our insane dead guys coming back as even-more-insane cyborgs, more insane recruits, one alien attack after another, friendlies and hostiles glitching through reality, arc throwers that might actually WORK...

I deserve this month of enforced bed rest.

And thanks, DJ. While I may indeed be lazy, I'm not inclined to take naps of the dirt variety. Not until every last alien has a bullet through their cranium. (And preferably not even then.) I started this fight, and I'm gonna help finish it.

[deathfun]

am i still alive

am i top gun yet

You are still very alive, but very injured. Raven-1 hasn't been seeing many UFO's lately, but you've got a fair amount of intercepts to your name!


Speaking of UFOs and intercepts

Lt. Jr2, Lt. Direwolf, Capt. Trashman, Maj. Lepanto

"Well ****, why are you giving me an arc thrower?"
"Commander's order, small UFO, easy pickings"
"THERE ARE NO EASY PICKINGS WITH THESE USELESS THINGS"
"Too bad Guy, you're going to zap someone"
"ZAPPY ZAPPY GOING TO MURDER ALL OF THE ALIENS"
"Oh, Crizza is back"





"Bloody sentinels, rightside"
"Push ahead, there's not many"






"I hate these things"



"I think they're rather DELICIOUS"
"CRIZZA DON'T EAT THE SENTINELS"
"Fast approaching the UFO here... love what they've done with the area, very chic"



"This'll be easy"
"Disabling the big guy"





"MECHTOID! I'M CALLING YOU OUT"





"For glory!"
"Wait, what's glory got to do with it Patriot?"
"Well you all get annoyed when I start chanting USA! USA! USA!"
"Because you're not even from there!"



"One fellow left"
"Lets try to capture him"
"Oh sure, great idea"






"Ho-holy **** that worked"
"Oh my frigging god it worked"
"I call that a win"

[deathfun]

Oh, that also means you're the highest ranking member of XCOM right now Lepanto! Grats, your laziness is a godsend to the project

Another UFO in our scopes

Almost too easy

Oh look, another opportunity to nab an alien

"The other splashed UFO didn't go so badly, maybe this'll be in our favour?"
"Now you've jinxed us mother****er"
"I'm going to need a stronger drink"
"I'm supposed to be covering, not... attempting poorly to zap aliens"
"Not everyone's choice Scotty, we'll have to work with it"





"I've got eyes on the UFO"
"If we constantly land as close as we do, how the hell don't the aliens notice us coming?"


"RAMIREZ! TAKE A LOOK INSIDE"
"Really? Really going to bring that up?"





"Floaters!"
"We... really need to rename those"
"Flying bastards?"
"That works"



"Moving in"



"The Hand of God speaks"
"We might be able to take one of these with us"





"Mutons inbound!"
"I really don't miss fighting those guys"



"Bloody useless"
"Kill it, we've got bigger problems"




"Rocket out"




"I've got this"


"How's the new rifle?"
"Little short on ammo, but it packs a nice punch"





"Getting closer"
"Easy there"


"****, that hurts"
"You have a medkit"
"Oh right"






"**** this! Get me out of here!"
"Oh... no... NO... NOT YOU AGAIN HANNIBAL"



"Enough of you Muton"





"This... is not good"




"SCOURGE! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO INJURE NOT KILL"
"Oh... woops"
"Blargher, how're you feeling"
"Flesh... wound... mother****er"

[Veers]

You can sign me up... just keep in mind last time I was mind controlled on my first mission and shot, I think it was, The E in the back

So I was KIA. Just so we are aware

[Mika]

HEY MECHTOID, LET OFF SOME STEAM

GORTINA, CHECK OUT MY NEW GUN

[crizza]

Wow, I'm still alive
What is my intended role apart from carrying stun guns?^^

[Gortef]

Holy ****! A mission where no rookie died, AND one where the Arc Thrower WORKED! This is an age of miracles.

Welcome aboard Dekker and Ironbeer! Stay frosty out there.

GORTINA, CHECK OUT MY NEW GUN

It's big and gorgeous.

The gun I mean.

But mine is prettier.

Again I mean the gun.

[deathfun]

You can sign me up... just keep in mind last time I was mind controlled on my first mission and shot, I think it was, The E in the back

So I was KIA. Just so we are aware

You'll make an excellent addition to the team! Nothing wrong with a bit of plasma to the back of someone's head on this team! Afterall, each of them have had their share

When there's just not enough bloodlust, Veers will definitely be able to fill the void. Sure, the XCOM project has their fair share of the more eccentric types, the ones who take alien's arms and beat their corpses with them... but none are quite as vivid in their descriptions as Veers. The sheer amount of detail that goes into some of her fantasies are... well simply put, visceral in nature

Wow, I'm still alive
What is my intended role apart from carrying stun guns?^^

Comedic relief and your ability to shoot twice in one turn sometimes turns the tide in our favour immensely. I don't generally equip you with stun guns as you can't really run all that far, but I figured, small mission, low number of enemies, I could pull it off.

We've got another abduction, India this time

The barracks is starting to get a little short handed, send who you can and get some others if you need to

"Hey, look who's back! It's the greasy bastard himself!"
"You going to get yourself shot right away again?"
"Silence"
"...Well look who doesn't have a sense of humour anymore"





"A cemetery... well this is just great"
"I did a show for halloween in a cemetery once"
"Don't say it"
"I killed it that night!"
"He said it"


"Easy pickings"
"Mechtoid is our primary, we can shoot the rest later"




"We're in position"
"Open fire"








"Aren't snipers supposed to be awesome at hitting things?"
"Easy there, he's new"



"Thin men on the move"
"Guns up!"



"Two strays by the main building"
"Got 'em"




"I'm going to enjoy taking your two corpses and sewing them together to make a grotesque kite that I'll give to an African child later"
"Where in the **** did that come from"


"Looks like that hole in the wall disturbed the residents"
"Things are about to get hairy here"




"Big thin man... that's an oxymoron... is retreating"
"Drones making their move"



"Armour is holding"
"Mech on mech, this is awesome. It really is like Mechwarrior in real life!"



"I'm going to wear your intestines like a scarf"
"Seriously, where did we get this gal"



"Mechtoid is open"
"Time for payback"


"Way to wakeup the rest of the block Plumguy"








"It's like a little mosquito"
"With lasers"





"Hold your ground... we've got sentinels lurking"




"Dammit, missed"
"Like taking out tanks with a PPC"


"Damn! That's a big one" ^{Larger sentinel model makes for a hilarious throat grab}






"Crisp beat is right on time..."
"One more incoming"



"I will wear your hull and go into battle looking like the predator!"
"That was surprisingly tame"

[Scourge of Ages]

Heh, "Operation Morbid Serpent".
Fitting.

[deathfun]

Heh, "Operation Morbid Serpent".
Fitting.

They brought tentacle porn to a whole new size and level

Endless amounts of these god damned UFOs. You'd think they would eventually learn to do more than one at a time

You would think... we'd have to send more than one interceptor into the air and possibly lose more than we could handle

Why can't we do that for large UFOs?

I don't know. You'd think that we ought to be able to send our fleet to take down an abductor if need be

Course, that would mean they could do the same

Fair point... you know what, lets stick with one on one combat

"Another UFO down? That's like three this week!"
"We aren't getting any god damned rest are we"
"Doesn't make me any less gorgeous!"
"OR ME LESS CRAZY. I THINK I MAY BE HALLUCINATING NOW, THERE'S A SERVANT GRUNT STARING AT ME"
"God dammit why am I holding an arc thrower again"
"Know what would be ironic? If the stun gun works inversely to what you would expect"
"That... makes sense"





"Anyone got eyes on the UFO?"
"Somewhere over yonder"
"Helpful"



"Easy targets"



"Come to us my prettiiiiies so that I may devour your soul and deliver you from this world"
"I think Hobbie is losing it"
"Wait that was Hobbie?"
"Sure as hell ain't me! Can someone tell the servant grunt to stop following me... it's creepy"





"Oh yeah, bullets of freedom!"


"Double tap *****!"
"Guess I'll go try my luck"


"Sweet mother of god that worked"
"Eyes on the UFO, sweep around and cover the sides"




"This is a new group"
"Deal with them all the same"





"You coming dart?"
"Yeah yeah I'm coming"





"May my freedom blind you commie bastard"
"Wait, weren't you always calling them Fascists"
"Same thing!"




"That's a wrap"
"Easy enough"
"Solid effort people"
"I'll buy us all a round! Or five"

[deathfun]

EXALT again? Bloody hell these guys are getting annoying

Well there's seven possible countries that they could be from, we could always start guessing

Yeah, that'll go well... lets keep it safe, no sense pissing off Council members yet

*Entire intercom starts singing Kumbaya*

An entire week of nothing?

Are we complaining?

Send our best

"I'm being equipped with grenades? Well now I know you're all trying to get me killed"
"You'll be fine Guy"
"Medical assistance will be administered upon death"
"Back in my day, we didn't have all this fancy technology. You got shot, you probably bled out"
"And back in my day I would shoot pansies like you for breakfast"
"You couldn't catch four men"
"They were the best"





"Engaging kickass servos"
"Is that even a thing?"
"If Engineering puts in my request to get the PUNCHY PUNCHY yes"
"Jr2 and Gortina, take overwatch. Everyone else form a line"



"Seems like most of EXALT have turned themselves into something less than human"
"We're not innocent of that either, just look at Mika"
"Nonsense, I was just made MORE OF A MAN"



"Picking two and taking them down"



"Medical aid being provided: Please remain still"



"Way to piss off the rest of them Guy"




"Disabling relay and making a move for the next one"



"Aren't you happy you brought grenades?"
"I didn't bring them, I was forced to bring them"


"Aren't you all boring EXALT"




"I see your pretty face, shame to make it NONEXISTANT WITH THIS BFG9000"


"Shame you can't pick two targets Mika!"



"Here I am, bringing all these rockets and for what? Nothing, that's what"





"We've got a few incoming!"


"I like being on this bus with you jr2, makes life easy"
"It does doesn't it"
"HANDS OFF SHE'S MINE"
"Easy Mika"




"Still seeing Amnesia characters Crizza?"
"No, now I see dead people"
"Uh... so do the rest of us"


"You are a threat to freedom, I hope you die horribly EXALT"


"Where are they all at?"
"I don't think we got them all"
"Fine I'll go look"


"Transmitter down, crossing"







"You know jr2, you're taking a lot of kills doing that"
"Oh, sorry I'm thinking more about the team and making sure we all don't die"
"Mobile target, engaging"



"One on the bus!"
"Meh"




"Look at this guy, thinking he's all cool"





"I'll flank them! Then eat their faces!"



"You deny freedom temporarily sir"



"Adjusting"
"Grenade!"



"Never worth it! NEVER WORTH IT!"
"You try to take the amalgamation of democracy out with a mere grenade!?"
"Taking two"



"Lasers! Pew pew pew!"




"Last of them are inbound"
"Hold your ground"




"Yaahaaahaaa!"
"Can't sneak up on me like that! I followed the best, I know how to cover my ass"


"**** this ****"


"Damn Morris, danger close mean anything to you?"





"Not a single man lost? Damn we're good" ^{To be fair, this was my second attempt at this mission because the previous one had that "I'm going to move a couple feet and activate every single pod of EXALT all at once because **** you! Then they're all going to use rockets because **** you!"}

Choosing Guyinshinyarmours next perk was tough. Squadsight would do him no good, but Will to Survive (1-2 point damage reduction) vs Extra Conditioning (Extra HP from armour types) was a tough call. Went with Conditioning

[Mika]

[After shooting Exalt with a railgun] MIND THE HOLE

[After shooting Exalt operative through cover to hip] TARGET IS NEUTERED

[Hobbie]

Muahahahahaha.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[Gortef]

This bunch is getting more and more crazy after every mission. Wonder if we can keep the small remains of our sanity up 'till the end.

I'm just as sane as I'm good looking.

[crizza]

I'm crazy as hell, so I don't care

[deathfun]

"Ready for your first large UFO landing there Ironbeer?"
"The tequila says yes"
"If it works it works..."
"I wonder if this new arc thrower will be any more as effective"
"Good luck Scotty. Honestly, I don't see why we don't try an air strike on these things. Sure we lose some salvage, but do we really need to go up against forty aliens each time?"
"Losing men on these missions is pretty common really"
"I shall deliver them from their sins no matter the cost"





"Lots of droids up there!"
"Sentinel first"









"Hopefully no one heard all that commotion, remember the other landing? We could barely move before being attacked from four different squads"
"Don't hold your breath"


"Am I really the only scout here? God dammit"




"Pulling back"
"We've got you"





"Getting closer"
"Someone shred the strong one"








"Direwolf, that's just too awesome"
"I wish I could dual wield these and pretend I'm a Mech"


"Well aren't you cute little guy"


"Damn, he's full health and I've got a 55% chance? Not bad!"


"Form up inside, we'll see what waits us mid-section"


"I hear them"
"Sounds like Mutons"



"Disorient, pull back, and let them come to us"





"One down"
"Good, lets try to catch this one"





"GOD BECKONS ME. I MUST GO"
"Did a MEC Warrior just panic?"
"Yup..."
"Huh... didn't even think that was possible"


"God dammit"
"So much for that"
"I've *hick* got this one"



"Pack incoming!"
"****"





"That was lackluster from us"





"He's staring into my SOUL"
"Dammit Phantom, keep it together!"




"Delivering the Hand of God! Justice shall be divine"





"Taken care of"
"Where to next?"
"Straight through the middle"


"I'm getting something on the other side here..."


"Oh ****"
"Hold on Hobbie, we'll see what we can do"


"Can't disorient them all"
"Do what you can"



"These things makes my drinking justified"





"Three of them left"
"We can do this"



"He's coming straight for me!"
"Ironbeer!"


"****!" ^{Scotty didn't actually overwatch anything despite being on overwatch, neither did Scotty do close combat, so my placement of Scotty WAS ****ING USELESS. Sometimes this game annoys me because line of sight sometimes doesn't make sense}





"Hate these bloody things"
"God dammit... they got Iron"
"You know what comes next..."


"Sorry Myte"


"Push forward"
"Poor bastard"



"Another set"
"Did I tell you how much I hate these things?"








"How... did it jump that high"







"I'm through with this mission"
"We're almost done here"
"Yeah, right"


"Group of floaters"
"Easy enough"




"Done and done"
"Stack up, we're about to enter the cargo hold"






"So done with this"


"Where's the big one?"
"Coming up the ramp!"



"God didn't ask me for this!"
"Not again"



"Dead and dead... well he is technically energy so is he really dead?"
"Jumping down"



"Got something out back"
"Flank around"




"Where are the others?"
"They're probably on the side"
"Someone check that"






"We need a bit of help over here"
"Double time it people"






"**** these UFOs"
"We need to take them down if we're going to keep the enemy from completing their objectives"
"At what cost?"
"They knew it when they signed up"

[Lepanto]

--Personal Log--

Heard the latest op was another grueling slog.

Dangit, we already lost one of the new guys. Well, uhh, for all we know, he might have been destined to exploit the mysterious warping of reality that's been going on to become evil overlord of a plothole in space and time, so no skin off our backs if he dies, right?

That's it, I'm hanging around Crizza too much. Or just attending too many funerals, and desperately trying to rationalize things, even if my rationalizations aren't at all rational.

I don't know. I just don't know anything at this point. We deploy, we shoot up another horde of aliens who outgun us eight-to-one but wouldn't know squad tactics or strategy if it bit them in the mandibles, we win, we sometimes lose guys, we go out and do it again. What's the big picture here? Is it ever going to end?