[Razor]

Originally posted by Thunder
I've "taken care" of things

Uhm...really?

[Fineus]

Have now, Thanks Blue

[Razor]

Originally posted by 01010


IMMAGE REMOVED

That's....disturbing.

[Gortef]

Originally posted by 01010

(Image removed)

That's a happy little kitten...

[01010]

Originally posted by Gortef


That's a happy little kitten...

The happiest and it's going to kill all of you.

[diamondgeezer]

Oh blimey, not another cat that's been exposed to spoons... oh, the felinity...

Anyways, a joke...

A man was playing a round of golf on a rainy saturday afternoon. He wasn't doing very well, and he'd started to get quite depressed. Suddenly, just as he was about to give up and go and get a drink, he heard a voice. He followed the sound and found a little frog sitting under a bush. The frog looked right at him and said "Ribbit... six iron". The man was a little put out by this, and stared at the frog to see if it would speak again. Sure enough, the frog said "rrrribbit... six iron".

The man thought to himself 'I might as well. My game isn't going to get any worse'. He got out his six iron and gave the ball his best shot. To his complete astonsihment, the ball landed smack in the middle of the green, right next to the pin. Not quite believeing what had happened, the man ran over and quickly putted the ball the remaining few inches. Happy as Larry with his superb shot, he scribbled down his score for the hole on his card, and sprinted back to the bush where the frog had been sitting.

The frog was still there, and the man went to pick it up. Rather then try to run, the frog jumped right into the man's hands, and he carried the little amphibian over to the next hole. He set the frog down next to his clubs, and waited to see if it would help him again. Sure enough, the frog looked down the fairway, looked back at the man and said "croak... ribbit... three wood".

Eagerly, the man whipped out his three wood and belted the ball as hard as he could. As if guided by some divine power, the ball landed perfectly in the middle of the fairway. He ran after it, and the frog told him "putting wedge... ribbit, ribbit...". The man landed the ball right on the green, and nearly had heart attack when the ball rolled right in to the hole!

After the best back nine the chap had ever played, he picked up his clubs and the frog, and headed for the ninteenth. After perching on a bar stool, the man is about to order a pint and a chicken sandwich before the frog, sitting in the man's kit bag, pipes up and says "croak... cheese sandwich". Not one to pass up a good thing, the man duly changes his order to a cheese sandwich.

The next morning, the man recieved a phone call from the golf club, asking if had eaten a chicken sandwich the day before. Apparently, a suspect batch of chicken had given several members food poisoning! The man assured the club that he was alright, and sat back, amazed at his good fortune. He looked down at the little green frog, which was sitting in a shallow tray of water on the table, and said "what shall we do now?". The frog looked thoughtful for a moment (which is quite an acheivement for a frog, let me tell you), and then said "ribbit... Vegas... ribbit"

The man smacked his forhead and thought 'of course!'. He stuffed his clothes in to a bag and booked the first available flight to Las Vegas. Upon arrival, he dumped his belongings in his hotel room and made straight for the tables. The frog didn't let him down once. "Ribbit... ninteen red". Up came ninteen red. "croak... fouteen black". Up came fourteen black. The man was doing so well at roulette that the casino asked him to move on, they were so worried that he would clean them out. The man didn't mind, he had already won stacks of money on the frog's advice. He moved on to another, bigger casino, and won every game of blackjack and craps he played. With the frog calling the numbers to him, the man felt on top of the world.

After many hours of non-stop gambling, the man was exhausted, and he stopped off at a bar on the way back to his hotel. He put the little frog on the bar top and said to it "you've helped me so much, how can I ever repay you?". The frog sat quitely for a few moments, before saying "croak... ribbit... jacuzzi".

The man thought 'right! There's a jacuzzi in my hotel room, I'll head back right away!' He picked up the frog, went outside, and hailed a cab, telling the driver to put his foot down. Once he was at the hotel, the fellow ran up to his room with the frog in his coat pocket. He sat the frog in his jacuzzi, and jumped in himself. The frog seemed quite content in the jacuzzi, and the man felt glas that he was able to do something nice for the frog that has helped him beyond his wildest imagination.

After a while, the frog looked at the man an croaked. The man said "yes? Do you want to do something else, now?". The frog paused briefly, before saying "ribbit... rrribbit... kiss me... ribbit". Now, the chap was a little suprised by this, but he was not about to refuse his helpful froggy friend anything. He duly picked up the frog and kissed the creature on its nose. Just as he did so, there was a bang, a flash of light, and a puff smoke. The frog had disappeared and now, sitting beside him in the jacuzzi, the man saw a naked young woman.

And that, officer, is how the fifteen-year-old girl came to be in my room... (highlight for punchline)

[01010]

Originally posted by diamondgeezer
Oh blimey, not another cat that's been exposed to spoons... oh, the felinity...

Anyways, a joke...

A man was playing a round of golf on a rainy saturday afternoon. He wasn't doing very well, and he'd started to get quite depressed. Suddenly, just as he was about to give up and go and get a drink, he heard a voice. He followed the sound and found a little frog sitting under a bush. The frog looked right at him and said "Ribbit... six iron". The man was a little put out by this, and stared at the frog to see if it would speak again. Sure enough, the frog said "rrrribbit... six iron".

The man thought to himself 'I might as well. My game isn't going to get any worse'. He got out his six iron and gave the ball his best shot. To his complete astonsihment, the ball landed smack in the middle of the green, right next to the pin. Not quite believeing what had happened, the man ran over and quickly putted the ball the remaining few inches. Happy as Larry with his superb shot, he scribbled down his score for the hole on his card, and sprinted back to the bush where the frog had been sitting.

The frog was still there, and the man went to pick it up. Rather then try to run, the frog jumped right into the man's hands, and he carried the little amphibian over to the next hole. He set the frog down next to his clubs, and waited to see if it would help him again. Sure enough, the frog looked down the fairway, looked back at the man and said "croak... ribbit... three wood".

Eagerly, the man whipped out his three wood and belted the ball as hard as he could. As if guided by some divine power, the ball landed perfectly in the middle of the fairway. He ran after it, and the frog told him "putting wedge... ribbit, ribbit...". The man landed the ball right on the green, and nearly had heart attack when the ball rolled right in to the hole!

After the best back nine the chap had ever played, he picked up his clubs and the frog, and headed for the ninteenth. After perching on a bar stool, the man is about to order a pint and a chicken sandwich before the frog, sitting in the man's kit bag, pipes up and says "croak... cheese sandwich". Not one to pass up a good thing, the man duly changes his order to a cheese sandwich.

The next morning, the man recieved a phone call from the golf club, asking if had eaten a chicken sandwich the day before. Apparently, a suspect batch of chicken had given several members food poisoning! The man assured the club that he was alright, and sat back, amazed at his good fortune. He looked down at the little green frog, which was sitting in a shallow tray of water on the table, and said "what shall we do now?". The frog looked thoughtful for a moment (which is quite an acheivement for a frog, let me tell you), and then said "ribbit... Vegas... ribbit"

The man smacked his forhead and thought 'of course!'. He stuffed his clothes in to a bag and booked the first available flight to Las Vegas. Upon arrival, he dumped his belongings in his hotel room and made straight for the tables. The frog didn't let him down once. "Ribbit... ninteen red". Up came ninteen red. "croak... fouteen black". Up came fourteen black. The man was doing so well at roulette that the casino asked him to move on, they were so worried that he would clean them out. The man didn't mind, he had already won stacks of money on the frog's advice. He moved on to another, bigger casino, and won every game of blackjack and craps he played. With the frog calling the numbers to him, the man felt on top of the world.

After many hours of non-stop gambling, the man was exhausted, and he stopped off at a bar on the way back to his hotel. He put the little frog on the bar top and said to it "you've helped me so much, how can I ever repay you?". The frog sat quitely for a few moments, before saying "croak... ribbit... jacuzzi".

The man thought 'right! There's a jacuzzi in my hotel room, I'll head back right away!' He picked up the frog, went outside, and hailed a cab, telling the driver to put his foot down. Once he was at the hotel, the fellow ran up to his room with the frog in his coat pocket. He sat the frog in his jacuzzi, and jumped in himself. The frog seemed quite content in the jacuzzi, and the man felt glas that he was able to do something nice for the frog that has helped him beyond his wildest imagination.

After a while, the frog looked at the man an croaked. The man said "yes? Do you want to do something else, now?". The frog paused briefly, before saying "ribbit... rrribbit... kiss me... ribbit". Now, the chap was a little suprised by this, but he was not about to refuse his helpful froggy friend anything. He duly picked up the frog and kissed the creature on its nose. Just as he did so, there was a bang, a flash of light, and a puff smoke. The frog had disappeared and now, sitting beside him in the jacuzzi, the man saw a naked young woman.

And that, officer, is how the fifteen-year-old girl came to be in my room... (highlight for punchline)

[Geezer]

Here’s a very old joke – mid ‘60s, I think – that probably isn’t all that funny and was soon forgotten.   But the punchline lives on:

A man is invited to a formal dress fundraiser for an old mansion that’s being turned into a museum.  When he gets there, he can see that the contractors aren’t quite finished but that the ballroom is beautiful – marble pillars, golden chandeliers, original artwork, the works.  Even the ceiling fans are made of rare woods and polished silver. The women are wearing satin gowns and jewels; the men, white tie and tails.  There is a huge buffet, piled high with rare and wonderful foods and a 20-piece orchestra playing classical music.  As the evening progresses, the man drinks too much and eats too much.  His stomach starts to complain.  He leaves the ballroom and looks for a men’s room.  He searches the entire first floor of the mansion but can’t find one.  He stomach pains are getting worse and worse.  He climbs the marble stairway to the second floor holding his stomach.  He staggers down a long corridor and finally finds a door marked ‘Gentlemen’.  He enters the room but discovers that the toilets haven’t yet been installed.  Instead, there’s simply a hole in the floor.  Desperate, he squats over the hole and unloads a tremendous load of diarrhea.   Feeling much better, he retraces his route, goes back down the long hallway, back down the marble stairway, and re-enters the ballroom.  The ballroom is empty except for a butler with a mop.  He calls to the butler, “Where is everybody?”  The butler shouts back (ta da!) “And where were YOU when the **** hit the fan?”

[diamondgeezer]

UnsUcCeSFuL!

[Stunaep]

Originally posted by diamondgeezer
And that, officer, is how the fifteen-year-old girl came to be in my room... (highlight for punchline)

And opera doesn't allow highlighting.

Thank god for Quote.

[Tar-Palantir]

My turn

There are two drunk strangers siting at a bar at the two of a 20 story(sp?) building when the first one says: 'The wind is so strong up here, if you were to jump out of the window, it would blow you back in 10 floors down.'
The other man looks disbelieving at him and says: 'Don't be daft'
The first man says 'I'll show you' and leaps out of the window and to the second mans surprise is blown back into the building 10 floors down.
'I'll have to try this' says the second man, leeps out of the window and falls to his death.

The first man staggers back up to the bar and the barman says to him:
'You can be a right bugger when your drunk Superman.'

[Reaper]

New joke...

I am drinking milk...


Damn... that didn't sound good

[Ashrak]

Originally posted by Reaper
New joke...

I am drinking milk...


Damn... that didn't sound good

are you shure you are ok?

[CP5670]

Well, I haven't got the time to read through the entire thread, but here is a site with a bunch of math-related jokes: http://www.math.utah.edu/~cherk/mathjokes.html

Here are a couple of the better ones:

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

The difference between an introvert and extrovert mathematicians is: An introvert mathematician looks at his shoes while talking to you. An extrovert mathematician looks at your shoes.

Biologists think they are biochemists,
Biochemists think they are Physical Chemists,
Physical Chemists think they are Physicists,
Physicists think they are Gods,
God thinks he is a Mathematician.

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person.
- They have multiplied, said the biologist.
- Oh no, an error in measurement, the physicist sighed.
- If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again, the mathematician concluded.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.
"Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."
"Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are black."
"No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black."

Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

[Reaper]

Originally posted by Ashrak



are you shure you are ok?

I'm sure...

That...

I'm NOT ok

[Odyssey]

Originally posted by Stunaep


And opera doesn't allow highlighting.

Thank god for Quote.

Hit the author/user mode toggle button. It should be to the left of the address field. I'm sure you can figure out what it does ^_^

Hint... Stylesheets

[01010]

Originally posted by CP5670
Well, I haven't got the time to read through the entire thread, but here is a site with a bunch of math-related jokes: http://www.math.utah.edu/~cherk/mathjokes.html

Here are a couple of the better ones:

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

The difference between an introvert and extrovert mathematicians is: An introvert mathematician looks at his shoes while talking to you. An extrovert mathematician looks at your shoes.

Biologists think they are biochemists,
Biochemists think they are Physical Chemists,
Physical Chemists think they are Physicists,
Physicists think they are Gods,
God thinks he is a Mathematician.

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person.
- They have multiplied, said the biologist.
- Oh no, an error in measurement, the physicist sighed.
- If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again, the mathematician concluded.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.
"Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."
"Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are black."
"No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black."

Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

[Razor]

Originally posted by Ashrak



are you shure you are ok?

It may not be his fault. Hm. Perhaps it's space-crack.

[diamondgeezer]

A plumber, a mechanic and a computer eingineer are travelling down a motorway in a car, wehn the car starts to make odd noises. They decide it's best to pull over and take a look.

The plumber gets his toolkit, and goes to look at the engine. He taps a few components with his wrench, but can't see the problem.

The mechanic gets out, examines the engine and gives it a smack with a large spanner. Still no joy.

The computer engineer switches off the engine and gets out of the car, waits for fifteen seconds, gets back in and turns the ignition...

[Razor]

Originally posted by 01010

Bah math sucsk! Right now we are learning Integration using the core law and Integration with variables. Bah it stinks. I would rather do some renders if I wouldn't have that math test next week.