Razor, I killed you last time, remember?

Anyways, what do you think? I'm a little rusty on my combat:
INT. Elavator. Day.
All we can see is the siloughette of a human form. The door whooshes open, and the figure steps out. He stops in front of the door, and semi-bows, one hand pointing off to the empty corridor behind him. We can see that the figure is really Sandwich.Sandwich: After you...
INT. Admin Quarters. Day.
Cloaked Figure steps out, and nods to sandwich as he passes. He then looks around.CF: Very nice...this is where I'll be staying, I presume?
Sandwich is now next to CF. He turns to face him.Sandwich: Actually, no, you'll be in the basement...hehehe..uhh....hehe....(he coughs)...sorry. You'll be sleeping (he begins to count off doors)..1, 2, 3, 4, 5, right here.
They walk up to the door. The two stop in front of it, and a mechanicle woman's voice pipes up.Voice: User confirmation needed. Please confirm.
Sandwich looks at CF, and indicates towards the hand scanner to the right of the door.Sandwich: Uhh...would you mind placing your hand on the scanner, sir?
Cloaked figure turns to face him.CF: (Monotone) May I use voice identification instead?
Sandwich: (Forces smile) Yes...of course.
CF: Thank you. Now, may I have some private time in my quaters, please? Oh, and send Tiara up. I have something to discuss with her about her new assignment.
Sandwich nods and forces another smile.Sandwich: Of course, I'll do that immediately.
He pivots on his heel and begins to hurridly walk away. We cut to a close-up of the side of CF's head. Suddenly, he turns and looks right at us, and in the darkness of his cloak, two bright red angular eyes begin to glow menacingly. We fade to black. INT. Docking Bay 5. Night.
Fade from black. We open to a side-view of the Centaur.
Suddenly, a black, dark figure flashes past the camera. We cut to another view of the ship, this time from the rear. The black figure flashes in front of us again, but stops at a console in the back of the ship. He looks around, then dials in a combination. A large hissing is heard, as the ship's door ponderously raises. The figure looks around once again, and we see two eyes dart back and forth. The figure enters the ship. We cut to:INT. Centaur Cargo Bay. Night.
We are pulled back quite far away. A large chunk!
is heard, as a power switch is pulled. A single light illuminates the ship from the start of the movie, resting in the center of the cargo hold. The figure advances stealthily towards it, then stops in just out of the light. It moves silently around the side, to a side of ship just on the outer reaches of the area of light. We cut to a rear view of the ship, close to the side that it's on. The figure reaches out a long, slender arm, that is partially hidden in the folds of it's cloak. It pulls down a lever, and a large section opens up nearer to us. The two salvage crewman from before fall out, dead as doornails. The figure looks behind itself quickly, then stoops to pick them up. It stands back up, one man draped over each shoulder and steals away. We cut to a garbage shute nearby. All is dark. A sign above the shute reads:Sign: BIOLOGICAL WASTE ONLY.
From behind the screen, the two men are dumped into it. We zoom out a little ways, till we are right next to the figure's head. Suddenly, a voice is heard off to our left. It's Shrike, on a routine patrol.Shrike: Hey! Who's there?!
The figure's head snaps to the left., and we can see two eyes narrow. We cut to a waist-view of Shrike, dressed in upper-body armor, and carrying his pistol. The HLP Hammer of Justice is bouncing at his side. He's waving a flashlight back and forth. He stops.Shrike: Is anyone in here?
He hears nothing, and looks back and forth. He shrugs and is about to turn around and walk away. We cut to a position where we're sitting right on the ground a little ways away. Suddenly, a female foot touches down. We hear no sound. Cut to a close-up of Shrike's eyes. His head turns off to our right a little bit, and his eyes narrow, as he seems to know exactly where the sound came from. We cut to a close-up of his waste. He draws his pistol. Suddenly, a barbarian cry goes up. We cut to a worm's-eye view, and start to pull backwards extremely fast. A figure, wrapped in a cloak, begins to run towards us at an insatiable speed. It screams again, and throws off it's cloak, reavealing the figure to be none other than Tiara, dressed in a two-piece assasin's garb. She launches into the air towards Shrike. We cut to a view in front of Shrike, as he dodges off to the side.Shrike: Tiara! What are you doing?!
She screams once more. We cut to a view below her, as she leaps into the air, cartwheels, and jumps off the cieling. Shrike dodges once more, and Tiara hits the ground, skidding off to the side a little bit. She launches back at Shrike. We cut to a close-up of Shrike's mouth.Shrike: (Whispered) Fine...
We cut to Shrike's waist again, as he draws his HLP Hammer of Justice. He ignites it in a blast of light, casting an eerie green glow on the entire scene. He leaps into the air, and slams it down towards Tiara. She leaps out of the way, and metallic shrapnel from the floor is sent flying into the air. Tiara leaps onto the wall, and begins to run away, arms jutting out behind her. She then leaps from one side of the corridor, flips, and jumps off the other wall towards Shrike. He dodges to the side, but Tiara slashes at him. We cut to a close-up of the side of his face. A small cut appears, and blood trickles out.Shrike: Alright then! Let's play hard ball!
We cut to his hand, as he pulls his pistol up to it's firing position. He twirls it around his finger, then stops it. We cut to a view just above his arm, as he proceeds to let the lead fly. HIs arm shoots up with each recoil. Tiara leaps onto the wall and begins to run towards him. He fires at her, but his shots tear up the wall behind her. We hear a click, signalling the end of his ammunition. We cut to a close-up of Tiara's mouth. She smirks, and we can see small fangs poking out. We cut to her POV, as she leaps towards Shrike, who tosses his gun off to the side, pulls out his Hammer of Justice and, Babe-Ruth-style, whams it right at us. Just as it hits, we cut to black.INT. General Discussions. Day.
There is a large buffet table, and numerous boarders are milling about, including Carl. We cut to a table-top view, as Corsair, Goober5000, Petrach of the VBB, and Carl all sit down at the table. Goober is sitting next to Carl. They all begin to dig into their food.
Corsair: So, you guys hear about last night?
Goober: No, what happened?
Corsair: Well, apparantly there was a big scuffle between Tiara and Shrike! Tore up the entire corridor!
Petrach: Yea, I know, I'm going down to the infirmary to see if I can catch Tiara in a hospital gown, hehehe..
Corsair whacks him over the head. Suddenly Carl stops eating and looks up. He taps Goober on the sholder. Goober leans over closer, and Carl chrips and grunts into his ear. Goober looks at his plate with wide eyes, and slowly pushes it away.
Corsair: (With a mouthful of food) Whatsa' matter, Goober?
Goober: Uhh....Carl says this food tastes like human.
Corsair's mouth drops open, and he looks over at Carl, who is eating ravenously, shoveling the food down into his gullet. Suddenly, Corsair get's up, with a hand to his mouth, and turns around. He hurls, and so does everyone else at the table. We fade to:
INT. Science Room. Day.
A men and a women in lab coats are huddled around a large chunk of the food. The woman is examining a large print-out.
Man: Yep, no doubt about it. There's human in there.
Woman: Who could it be?
Man: Dunno, we don't have any dirt on them, so it could either be Relic or Freespace Watch.
Woman: Well, you know FSWatch, they're always getting themselves into trouble.
Man: Yea, but they don't usually get themseles killed while doing it...
Woman: Relic?
Man: Most definately. I wonder how this got in here, though?
Woman: Well, let's report it to Shrike, and tell the galley to only served canned foods for the day.
The man chuckles. They begin to go back to their examinations, and we cut to: