INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC MISSILE & SILO KIT
So you've stolen a nuclear warhead, and you have no way to deploy it. It's a common enough problem for supervillains who don't think ahead. Abandoned missile silos are run-down, damaged, and usually filled with black stinky water. So why not build your own? Easy to use kit includes all parts and components for one ICBM missile, launch silo, fueling system, and launch control room. Warhead and tools* not included. All you need is a 400 foot hole in the ground and some elbow grease! 15-day guarantee.
Price: US$736,000,000
*REQUIRES TOOLS: 80-ton capacity rail crane (explosion-proof to European standards) & 5000kg chain hoists, an aerial lift, a digger derrick, a 20,000 lb. telescopic boom, a 13,230 lb.-capacity crawler carrier, palletizers and concrete mixers, an industrial concrete saw, an industrial sandblaster, a 30m coring rig, a flat lapping machine, a trencher, a loader backhoe, a motor grader, trailer-mount air compressors, a skid steer loader with GP Bucket (metric), a vapor recovery unit, a portable amine gas sweetening & glycol dehydration unit, a filter-coalescing separator and reboiler, a cable extractor, a large-capacity basket bottom dump centrifuge, a gyratory primary crusher with lubrication system, a 15" x 30" clausing lathe, a carbon-steel versator with 15" diameter disc, a cantilever compactor with 14"x10" rolls, 1200 lbs. of gasless MIG wire, MIG welding rig with spool gun, plasma cutting and gouging system, and medium-size Philips head
screwdriver.
MAKE A DEAL WITH SATAN
Want to guarantee success in your next evil venture? Then do what scores of celebrities have done, like Bill Gates, Alan Greenspan, and Britney Spears -- strike a deal with The Devil™! Why take chances -- you're not using your soul anyway! Get anything you want, for a price. Speak to a representative today!
Price: One Eternal Soul (Human)*
*soul must not already be damned, nor promised to another major arcanum or anthropomorphic personification, nor damaged in any way (Near Mint to Mint ONLY)
**for North America, contact our Infernal Acquisitions Representative, Vaal The Carpathian, Waylayer of Travelers, Beast of the Octumvirate, Viceroy of Hell, via his offices at Viacom.
