"A lot of people wonder how you know you're in love. Just ask yourself this
one question: "Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?"
- Ronnie Shakes
< DaZE > at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4
< @FirebirdGM > I just called my Futureshop and asked them how much a 20 GB Hard drive weighed when it was full with information, compared to when it was empty.
< @FirebirdGM > The guy that was on the phone told me that it was only a few pounds difference.
< @FirebirdGM > And that's why I don't shop at futureshop.
< Spektor > A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it.
< Spektor > Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."
< Hotwire > Crap. i hate having the flu.
< Bananarama > y?
< Hotwire > i sneezed, banged my head on the table, knocked my coffee over onto my keyboard then as i picked the cup and what coffee was left in it, i sneezed again, and dropped the mug right onto my nuts.
< Hotwire > 'WARNING! Illness can cause sterility'
< ANDYHAZARD > i need a file
< kenners > you misspelled "life"
< Deltan > I think that machine needs a reboot
< Deltan > Try to edit the net adapter properties. "An unexpected error has occured" with an OK button.
< Deltan > Where's the, "No it's not ****ing OK" button.
Last night, I was looking up at the stars, and I thought to myself, where the **** is my ceiling?!?
< Ocher > hey guyz
< Ocher > I SUCK DICK FOR COKE
< Ocher > o god...
< Ocher > i think my brother has a wireless kb plugged [kb=keyboard=toetsenbord, draadloos toetsenbord]
< Ocher > IM A HUGE FAG
< Ocher > yep...
< Ocher > he does...
< Ocher > MAKE BONDAGE AND BEASTIALITY NATIONAL PASTTIMES
< Ocher > argh brb
* Ocher is now known as Ocher`Beastiality`Pwnz
< Ocher`Beastiality`Pwnz > O **** HERE HE COMES
< insanity > "Before the internet, the village idiot would stay in his own village.
< AL > Two families move from Pakistan to America.
< AL > When they arrive the two fathers make a bet - in a year's time whichever family has become more American will win.
< AL > A year later they meet again:The first man says, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonalds for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud, how about you?"
< AL > The second man replies, "**** you, towelhead.""
< pronstar``afk > my kazaa preformed an illegal opperation
< cCCPehlet` > isn't that what kazaa is designed to do?
< bleak > ablsh vwls! vwls r spm!
< bleak > t's wll knwn fct tht vwls s t mch bndwdth
< Alanna > bleak: OMG, for a moment there I thought that you had learned Welsh
[Luke]: I must say my mum is bad when it comes to security. Norton says her download is a virus, so she disables norton and runs the exe. FFS!!!
< Unleaded > I did something really geeky just now
< Ex0duz > watched star trek ?
< Unleaded > I was reading a magazine, and I glanced at the bottom right hand corner of the page expecting to see the time... :/
< malkygoat > i've donated 1000hours of CPU time to SETI
< ozzmosis > malkygoat: you know in about 20 years time the alien ships will land here on Earth and demand to know why we've been DOSing their alien network 20 light years away with random packets
< Calren > Zaphod, do you think that if I arrange AOL CD's in a pentagram I will be able to use the powers of darkness to control the actions of mortals?
Amazing Anagrams
An ANAGRAM, as we all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or
rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following
examples are quite astounding!
Dormitory = Dirty Room
Evangelist = Evil's Agent
Desperation = A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code = Here Come Dots
Slot Machines = Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity = Is No Amity
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness = Genuine Class
Semolina = Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
Contradiction = Accord not in it
[From Hamlet by Shakespeare] To be or not to be: that
is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings
and rrows of outrageous fortune. = In one of the Bard's best-thought-of
tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how
life turns rotten.
Politicians:
George Herbert Walker **** = Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog
George **** = He bugs Gore
Ronald Wilson Reagan = A long-insane Warlord (or Insane Anglo warlord)
Ronald Reagan = A darn long era
Leroy Newton Gingrich = Yon Right-winger Clone
Margaret Thatcher = That great charmer
The Conservative Party = Teacher in vast poverty
And the grand finale: "That's one small step for a man, one giant
leap or mankind." --Neil A. Armstrong = A thin man ran; makes a large
stride;
left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!
< Shempo > ...do I have to set the drive to like...master..slave..blahblahblahb...o.O
< ShadowRage > slave
< ShadowRage > look at the jumpers on it
< ShadowRage > there will either be an M or an S, or just mater or slave
< ShadowRage > pop the jumpter on slave
< ShadowRage > jumper*
< ShadowRage > if it's the primary hd, then master
< Shempo > Well...Rawr..
< Shempo > I plugged the ***** im
< Shempo > in8
< Shempo > in*
< Shempo > it rawred at me
< Shempo > CLIIIKC CLICKCLIIICCK
< Shempo > ..now what?
< ShadowRage > access the bios
< ShadowRage > (either escape, f1 or delete when your computer first powers on)
< Shempo > yea..
< Shempo > and?
< ShadowRage > what kinda BIOS do you have?
< Shempo > dunno
< ShadowRage > this is on an older machine?
< Shempo > 1 year
< ShadowRage > hmmm
< ShadowRage > ok, are you in the bios?
< Shempo > ..no
< Shempo > That'd require restarting.
< ShadowRage > ... you added this HD with the computer on?!
< Shempo > >. >
< Shempo > < .<
< Shempo >
< ShadowRage > ..on your current machine?
< ShadowRage > right now?
< Shempo > o.o
< ShadowRage > .....................................................
< Shempo > Run?
< ShadowRage > lowkey: give me the learnin' stick.
< Shempo > ...
< Shempo >
< Shempo > The 2x4?
* ShadowRage smacks Shempo with a 2 by 4
< Shempo >
< Shempo > Yea...dumb mistake..
< ShadowRage > ....you seriously plugged it in with the machine ON?!
< Shempo > Possibly harmful?
< ShadowRage > ......
< ShadowRage > yes
< ShadowRage > very
< Shempo > o.o
< ShadowRage > ..it's a surprise your computer didnt explode and kill you in the process.
< m[e]ntor > Does anyone know where I can buy 100 m of wireless lan cable?
< insight > Well, you could try NASA's "things not yet and never will be invented"-department or something.
< limi > does anybody know where the Table of Contents generator is, to save me of the embarrasment of talking to a virtual paper clip?
< maggie > how do i shut down my computer?
< uh > press start...
< maggie > no i want to SHUT DOWN! why does everyone tell me to click start...
< uh > ... you might as well just pull the power cord...
< maggie > uh but i also heard...
* maggie has quit irc (Error: connection reset by peer)
< never > hey... question......
< never > i'm new to irc stuff and i'm trying to download mp3's through it
< never > know of any good servers? i've come up with irc.dal.net but that's it
< kirun > irc.riaa.org
< never > k thanks
< Neon[UK] >im considering using redhat as my desktop pc
< Neon[UK] >its just so much better
< Neon[UK] >windows error: OMFG THERZZ AN ERRROR!!111 WTF??!?!?!
< Neon[UK] >linux error: hello there, you have an error. here's a detailed list of whats gone wrong and here's how to fix it, would you like some coffee?
< Saiy > Got a job yet Mr Blazey?
< BigGeorgieB > He's on irc. guess. :\
< Cold0ne > the house is shaking
< Cold0ne > WTF!!!!!
< Guyp > you know youre a geek when there's an earth quake but instead of running away you keep writing "WTF!?!" :O\
< froggie > how frequently do chest infections kill asthmatics?
< punchcard > no more than once i would guess
< @patm > monty die and go to hell now please
< Monty > url?
*** mr_bill has changed the topic on channel #unix to Kids in the back seat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids.
*** mr_bill has changed the topic on channel #unix to oops, wrong channel
< Frag_ > whats a good bench mark program?
< Ghaleon > Frag_: deltree /y c:\windows
< Ghaleon > the longer it takes, the slower your computer is
< Ghaleon > (ps, just a joke)
< Frag_ > uh can i undo deltree?
< Predictable > "Peace, love, and Linux" makes me think of a guy with excessive facial hair in a tiedye t-shirt, shorts, and sandals saying "You can't use that distribution MAN" "You can't like, own an OS, MAN"
DrWoody > We're talking about C++ here right?
< detmod > no java, duh
< DrWoody > Oh, I though Univ. of IL was too l337 for java
< detmod > what the hell is l337?
< DrWoody > OMG YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY BE A COMP SCI MAJOR! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT L337 IS!!! =O
< cade > zzz, you wanna kill yourself or something?
< zZz- > cade, I've attempted so many times and failed, it's not even funny..
< zZz- > Accually, it is kinda funny.
< daveb > ide is hot pluggable, right?
*** daveb has quit IRC (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
< CheapSk8 >Windows 98: A 32-bit patch for a 16-bit GUI shell running on top of an 8-bit operating system written for a 4-bit processor by a 2-bit company who cannot stand 1 bit of competition.
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
< tober > I actually did the math once, and it's improbable that a million monkeys with a million typewriters (one typewriter per monkey) that all type at the rate of a good typist 24/365 would ever produce the collected works of shakespeare before the heat death of the universe. So there.
< SiZZuRp > what has 7 balls and screws old ladies?
< Chibi-Trunks > iunno
< SiZZuRp > the lottery
< funkymonkey > My band is called Imation CDR 74m 650 MB....have you seen our CD's?
< @harb > Hah. So the only food I've got is a fortune cookie, and the fortune reads "May you have a good appetite." Bastards.
*** Now talking in #clubsi.com
*** Topic is 'I hate Linux because it makes me type "man mount"'
*** Set by Arctil on Wed Jul 10 16:27:12
[mount: een commando voor harde schijven, man, het commande voor help bestanden, manuals]
#15982 +(94)- [X]
[Shinji] I think he threatened to kill me actually, although it was so badly spelt that I wasn't sure if it was a death threat or a request to see if I wanted another cappuchino
< DELTRON > Note to self: when searching kazaa for southpark episode "cartman gets an anal probe", be sure to include the keyword 'southpark'!!!
< Cyberllam > I want to get a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I am doing an excellant job driving." Then I can cut people off and they won't know what to do.
* Doughboy ponders
* Beryllium contemplates
* Doughboy slips Beryllium a penny
* Beryllium makes a template of the coin
* Doughboy turns Beryllium in for counterfiting
< Beryllium > I just wanted to open-source it! Money was meant to be free!
"the right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins"
< weasel > i made a thing that turns red when you left click it and blue when you right click it
< weasel > and now i can't stop clicking it
< sponge > thats sad
< weasel > no, what's sad is that this took me 2 hours to write and debug
< +crystalis > un-tss
< +crystalis > un-tss
< +crystalis > un-tss
< +crystalis > un-tss
< +crystalis > un-tss
< @d1sturb3d > wtf?
< +crystalis > I'm a techno song
< Yoshi > I got free unlimited php asp etc hosting with no banners or ads whatsoever!!!!
< Yoshi > And a free domain name for life!
< Yoshi > Now if I could only speak Norwegian and figure out how to login
< m477[Lain] > Customer: "I don't have a cdrom drive, and the CD is too big to fit in the floppy drive. And the software store won't take it back. So you have to help me install this, because it's all your fault. If you had sold me the version of Windows I wanted, I wouldn't have had to buy Windows 95."
< kinzillah > for the first month after I started using irc heavy I would say "me needs to go to the bathroom" ... etc...
< Straylight > kin: yep, ive done that
< Straylight > i actually said "slash-me will bee-are-bee" once
< Straylight > i took a couple days off after that
tom: guys
tom: youb willb neverb elieveb this
tom: butb myb spaceb keyb keeps bputtingb ab spaceb andb then bab
tom: ab b
tom: whatb theb ****
Cube: rofl
Cube: thta's really funny
tom: MAKEB ITB ****INGB STOP
tom: ohb heyb I bfoundb theb problem
tom: there bisb something bbetweenb theb bandb spaceb keys
* Idiot has quit IRC
< ChineseElite` > that'll be the day...
< heyyohey > Im having a lot of lag here. i cant answer the questions in time
< Damarr > Pressing Alt+F4 should help. It stops the client sending useless information to the server
*** heyyohey has quit IRC (Quit: Client exited.)
< @neko|stoned > when i first got into warez, i downloaded shindlers list
< @neko|stoned > i deleted it thinking it was a bad copy
< @neko|stoned > :/
< Tomalak > Pregnancy from rape is extremely rare.
< DarkYouth > But here you are, eh Tomalak?
< Tomalak > I wouldn't say what your dad did to your mom was strictly consensual, DY. If a sheep runs away, it doesn't mean "keep on going".
< pneumatic > i look out one window and it's sunny and nice.. the other windows.. grey, gloomy.
< autistk > other windows = windows 2000?
< ^Melchior^ > MY NAMES ****!... HELP MY FIND IRAQ'S NUCLEAR WEAPONS, ORDER YOUR VERY OWN "FIND MR. SADDAMS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION DETECTION KIT", Kit Includes: Darts and a Map
< khanjackalmoreau > i knew a kid who dressed up as a goth leprechaun for halloween
< khanjackalmoreau > all black outfit, with a grayscale rainbow, and a pot full of cure albums
< YuFFie > SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
< YuFFie > WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie (
[email protected]) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie (
[email protected]) has joined #
< YuFFie > HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF
< The_Kirbinator > 3000 mexicans dies yesterday........ 5 car pile-up on the I-10
< Nermal > the only way I could secure windows was by putting bars over my monitor
< exo > why are redneck murders so hard to solve
< exo > cuz theres no dental records and all their DNA is the same
< fearz > HAHAHA
< ruffkin2 > HAHAHAH dat dude you sent me 127.0.0.1 iz enfected wit sub7 im ****in with him now
< andrw > oh good, format his computer
< Testicular_One > format his computer
< TheGreaterZero > format him
(127.0.0.1 is het standaard adres voor je eigen PC)
< TXTerron > wanna know whats geeky?
< Jennifer > hmm?
< TXTerron > I'm driving down the road
< Jennifer > I drove down the road today too...
< Jennifer > Wait, You mean you're on irc in your truck?
< TXTerron > yeah, using my wireless card
< Jennifer > ^___^
< Jennifer > Jason, is that safe?
< TXTerron > na, i just type with one hand while I'm driving and halfway watch the road, its cool, dont worry
< Jennifer > You're good with typing with one hand?
< TXTerron > shaddup
< TXTerron > ****
< TXTerron > i just rear ended a lady
< TXTerron > brb
< m00 > Why does the mexican olympic team suck?
< m00 > everyone who can run, jump or swim is already in the US
[@Unknown_Source] : Dogs are weird and dumb
[@djjason] : Agreed
[@Unknown_Source] : I mean, wave the biscuit, and the dumbass dogs comes
* Unknown_Source waves a biscuit
[Join (#afterhoursdjs)] : [DJAngelicon (
[email protected])]
[@Unknown_Source] : ...
< @Gibbon > My cat had a better dinner than I did tonight. It has "sliced duck with olives" ... I had a couple of bits of toast
< @Gibbon > there's something fundamentally wrong with that
< JtotheD > do you even know what mecca is
< Loopy1 > yea
< Loopy1 > a robot that people fight in
< Myren > someone ping flood this bastard please: 127.0.0.1
< darthv > ok
*** darthv has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
*** God was kicked by BlackYoshi (AHAHAHAHA!!!!)
*** ChanServ sets mode: -o BlackYoshi
< BlackYoshi > I guess that's what I get for kicking god. =(
< |JKZ|Silvr|3ull3t > truth: even tho i hav many girlz 2 choose from, i am single b/c i havent found the rite one 4 me
< Mr`K > Translated from nerdspeak: No girls will go out with me
< XX01XX > What's an interesting website?
< Phlegyas > an oxymoron (= tegenstelde van pleonasme)
once you've think you hit the bottom, get the **** of my shoulders -- DM's siggy at WS.
* sty is now listening to Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Two Tribes
* Bluey is now listening to The Printer - Churning Out Pages.
< @jwz > yeah, apparently I was getting shafted by perl's distinction between returning a single value, and returning a single value.
< Scibert > Three @s for the IRCops under the sky
< Scibert > Seven for the Op Lords in their channels of stone
< Scibert > Nine for Mortal Chatters doomed to die
< Scibert > One for the Dark Peer on his Dark Throne
< Scibert > In the land of Ping where the Netsplits lie.
< Scibert > One @ to rule them all
< Scibert > One @ to find them
< Scibert > One @ to bring them all
< Scibert > And in the darkness, bind them
< Scibert > In the Land of Ping, where the Netsplits lie.
Seijurro1234: IM NOT ON AOL .. IM ON AMERICA ONLINE
Seijurro1234: RETARD
< `Riku > The new Britney Spears music video is like a softcore porn video
< `Riku > except the music ain't quite as good.
< Sinclair- > i liked the new travel slogan for Gaza
< Sinclair- > "Now only a stone's throw from jerusalem"
< @Death-Blade > lol
< OutlawStarwind > Dude for this one question it asks "Do you ever second guess your answers?" I checked "No" then went back a second later and checked "yes" then checked "No" again... I think I have a problem.
< jome > I suppose there are bad coders, there are really bad coders, there are ****ing retards, and there's coders writing lines like this: $resultscode = $resultscode - 0;
< jome > Serious, that's an actual line from a script I'm going to rewrite..
PunkRocks64: we watched Matrix 1 in chemistry today.
PunkRocks64: and you know how Morpheus says the beginning of the end was the creation of AI?
EventuallyAdonis: what about it?
PunkRocks64: he says basically that the what started the machines taking over was human's fascination with AI..
PunkRocks64: and.. have you noticed that like 99% of our population is infatuated with American Idol .........
EventuallyAdonis: that's deep
(mike): HEH, THIs Is AMuSINg
(mike): I Got a WiNAMP pLUgiN THAt BLInKS THE KEYboARD ledS tO THE MUSIc
(mike): BUT IT acTUALLY turNs THe CAPsLOcK On AND oFF iNSTEad OF JuST the LIGHt
< kindman34 > fubar, how do you spend your time off-line?
< fubar-42o > what. you mean like single-player?
< cwilbur > we have a database table with fifteen million rows in it.
< cwilbur > they brought a manual database change in.
< cwilbur > "please print a table dump before and after you make the change."
< Azhrarn > nothing like hard copy to recover mistakes from!
< cwilbur > there are fifteen million rows in the table. if you want us to make a dump of the table just in case, that makes sense. but do you really want a *book*?
< cwilbur > "our policy says that we need a printout."
< confound > hahaha
< cwilbur > oooookay.
< Azhrarn > print out a link to the backup on your intranet
< confound > "that's not MY policy."
< cwilbur > no, they want a printout, they'll get a printout.
< pmichaud > what font size? how many lines per page?
< Azhrarn > Poor trees
< Halfjack > They'll only want it once.
< cwilbur > when someone asks why we've gone through three toner cartridges and the printer is still printing, we'll refer them to the twit.
< Azhrarn > shrink the font till it fits on one page
< pmichaud > purl, 15000000 / 66
< purl > 227272.727272727
< Azhrarn > !
< pmichaud > purl, 227272 / 5000
< purl > 45.4544
< pmichaud > 45 cases of paper :-)
< pmichaud > at 66 lines per page
< Azhrarn > and after he makes the changes...
< NyseriA > Things I've learned about war from videogames: If you find yourself mortally wounded by an enemy sniper be sure to let him know that he is a faggot.
*** Signoff: Froz- (Quit: and /exit were sitting in a park. /exit left, so who was still sitting in the park?)
*** Froz- (
[email protected]) has joined channel #mpsource
*** Mode change "+o Froz-" for channel #mpsource by ChanServ
< Froz- > /quit and /exit were sitting in a park. /exit left, so who was still sitting in the park?
< erno > hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.
< kylev > BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
< kylev > hahahahaha
< kylev > some girl just came onto our floor
< kylev > and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"
< kylev > i just asked her what the paper was about
< kylev > and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism
< `Neo > bahahahaha
< Kris > ****! someone stole all my beer and drank it and left the empties all over my apartment!
< Kris > either that or I now know why I have a headache and no real memory of anything after 21:00
A nerd's love poem:
I love you,
You are my hero.
My love for you is 1/x
as x approaches zero.
(Meag's siggy @ HLP)
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a few hours... Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
< @Daren > anyone wanna buy a second hand BMW?
< @Daren > it fell off the back of a ferry
< h|tler > HOW THE **** CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
< D-BOY > how is it people can possibly find japanese people smart
< D-BOY > look at their food
< D-BOY > they can't figure out how to cook it
< D-BOY > look what they do with rice
< D-BOY > < Japanese Dude > Maybe if I roll it into a ball it will taste better!
< D-BOY > < Chinese or Mexican Guy > I'll lightly pan fry the rice and season it to perfection while adding in choice meats and vegetables to create a dish in itself
< D-BOY > < Japanese Guy > I can't figure out how to start a fire. I'll just eat my fish raw.
< D-BOY > < Chinese Guy > I'll marinate the fish in a 2:1 ratio of egg to cornstarch and fry it to add a thick breadding. Then coat it in a sauze of ginger, hot bean sazuce, and add vegetables
< MM > Maybe it's just age-old tradition...?
< D-BOY > More like age-old idiocy
< D-BOY > Idiocy is inherited from generation to generation
< D-BOY > Look at Israel and Palestine
"Programmer n. - An ingenious device that turns caffeine into code."
Wees vriendelijk tegen uw kinderen, zij kiezen later uw tehuis...
"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" -Ghandi
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it."
-- A congressional candidate in Texas.
