Author Topic: I like these jokes  (Read 2200 times)

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Offline Axem

  • 211
Heh, yeah, my bad. I somehow get those two mixed up somehow. I'll make it up by hopefully telling another joke right.

Two charges walk down a street. One exclaims, "I think I just lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive!"

 

Offline WMCoolmon

  • Purveyor of space crack
  • 213
Chemistry jokes for the ignorant?
-C

 

Offline Sandwich

  • Got Screen?
  • 213
    • Skype
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    • Brainzipper
This hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."
SERIOUSLY...! | {The Sandvich Bar} - Rhino-FS2 Tutorial | CapShip Turret Upgrade | The Complete FS2 Ship List | System Background Package

"...The quintessential quality of our age is that of dreams coming true. Just think of it. For centuries we have dreamt of flying; recently we made that come true: we have always hankered for speed; now we have speeds greater than we can stand: we wanted to speak to far parts of the Earth; we can: we wanted to explore the sea bottom; we have: and so  on, and so on: and, too, we wanted the power to smash our enemies utterly; we have it. If we had truly wanted peace, we should have had that as well. But true peace has never been one of the genuine dreams - we have got little further than preaching against war in order to appease our consciences. The truly wishful dreams, the many-minded dreams are now irresistible - they become facts." - 'The Outward Urge' by John Wyndham

"The very essence of tolerance rests on the fact that we have to be intolerant of intolerance. Stretching right back to Kant, through the Frankfurt School and up to today, liberalism means that we can do anything we like as long as we don't hurt others. This means that if we are tolerant of others' intolerance - especially when that intolerance is a call for genocide - then all we are doing is allowing that intolerance to flourish, and allowing the violence that will spring from that intolerance to continue unabated." - Bren Carlill

 

Offline Tiara

  • Mrs. T, foo'!
  • 210
Signs Your Co-Worker Is a Hacker
 
- Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
- Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
- When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
- Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
- Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
- Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."
- Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
- Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.
- Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President."
- You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"
I AM GOD! AND I SHALL SMITE THEE!



...because I can :drevil:

  

Offline TopAce

  • Stalwart contributor
  • 212
  • FREDder, FSWiki editor, and tester
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
- 45 kilograms.
My community contributions - Get my campaigns from here.

I already announced my retirement twice, yet here I am. If I bring up that topic again, don't believe a word.

 

Offline Martinus

  • Aka Maeglamor
  • 210
    • Hard Light Productions
[color=66ff00]A guy walks into a bar,
he spends the next two days in hospital.
[/color]

 

Offline TopAce

  • Stalwart contributor
  • 212
  • FREDder, FSWiki editor, and tester
Quote
Originally posted by Axem
That AOL one is great. :D
...


I couldn't laugh on it. :blah:
My community contributions - Get my campaigns from here.

I already announced my retirement twice, yet here I am. If I bring up that topic again, don't believe a word.

 

Offline JarC

  • 28
Quote
Originally posted by TopAce
I couldn't laugh on it. :blah:
uhh...lemme guess, you were Zabu451? :lol:
Use the WiKi Luke
See You @ WIGGY's

 

Offline Rictor

  • Murdered by Brazilian Psychopath
  • 29
A man is walking in the woods when he comes upon a large lake. Beside the lake he sees a young woman, apparently without arms or legs. He wallks up to her and sees that she is sad.

"Why are you sad, whats wrong."
Well, I'm out here all alone, without any limbs, and I've never even been hugged

The man, feeling sorry for her situation, gives her a hug and walks off.

The next day, he's walking through the woods again and comes upon the same lake. The girl is still there, and still looks sad. The man walks up to her and asks:

""Why are you sad again?
Well, here I am all the way out here all alone, and I've never even been kissed

Well, thats a bit of a stretch, but the man feels absolutely terrible for the girl, so he bends down and gives here a kiss, and goes off again.

The next day, the man is again walking through the woods and again find the girl by the lake. This time, she looks worse than ever, and the man just can't help but feel sorry for her. He walks over.

"Well, whats the matter this time?"
See, I've ben here my whole life, and I've never even been screwed

The man picks her up, and throws her in the lake.

"There, now you're screwed"

 

Offline adwight

  • Neo-Terran
  • 28
  • Go Gators!
Neo-Terra Victorious

The Lightning Marshall

158th Banshee Squadron

Gay people are rejects who can't get girls. Period. -DragonClaw
Can I have sex with it yet? -KnightTemplar

 

Offline TopAce

  • Stalwart contributor
  • 212
  • FREDder, FSWiki editor, and tester
Quote
Originally posted by JarC
uhh...lemme guess, you were Zabu451? :lol:


:lol: I consider this a joke.
My community contributions - Get my campaigns from here.

I already announced my retirement twice, yet here I am. If I bring up that topic again, don't believe a word.