[CP5670]

This was posted on the SSC forums yesterday and I almost fell out of my chair laughing when I read it:

 

Back in the early 90s, this list was compiled by Gar Smith, in affiliation with the Earth Island Journal, a publication of the Earth Island Institute. I wish this was a joke, but I don’t think it is. I hope this represents the extreme left-wing of the environmental movement, and not the brunt of the effort. If you agree with too many of these suggestions, I fear you.

Commentary is in italics.

50 Difficult Things You Can Do To Save The Earth

1. Bury your car. What the Hell??
2. Become a total vegetarian. Help me out here. What does this do for the environment? Do I want to save the trees, or eat them?
3. Grow your own vegetables. I guess I could use that loose dirt from where I buried the car.
4. Have your power lines disconnected. Are you laughing yet?
5. Don’t have children. What else am I going to do in the dark?
6. Restrict the population of motor vehicles. Done. I buried the car.
7. Don’t build cars. Why not? We could use them to promote the growth of coral reef.
8. Stop building roads. After all, we’ve buried our cars.
9. Replace roads with homes, parks, and gardens. Don’t ask how we’ll transport the materials to build the homes.
10. Halt weapons production and exports. Who would want to invade a land of car-gardens anyway?
11. Stop the sale, distribution, and export of cigarettes. Damned environmental terrors that they are.
12. Send an amount of money to Brazil to provide urban jobs for impoverished workers now forced into the rainforests. Ok. You lost me.
13. Blockade a lumber truck carrying old-growth trees. I’m guessing they buried their truck. Maybe they’re carrying the wood to help build a house where those roads used to be.
14. Spend a month tree-sitting. Because, of course, we can’t have trees running willy-nilly all over the place.
15. Try to live, if you can, to within the world average income ($1250 per year) for one month. Do the math. That’s $104.17. I guess I could live in my car. Wait… I buried it.
16. Cut up your credit cards. Actually, not a bad idea. I no longer have electricity or transportation. I won’t be buying anything. And I’m sure this has a wonderful effect on the environment.
17. Unplug your television. May as well. I don’t have any power lines.
18. Undertake a Conservation Sabbath: one day a week without consuming electricity or fuel. Shouldn’t be too hard now.
19. Fast a day each week, send the money saved on food to help feed the hungry. Remember that you only have a little over 100 bucks. You’ll be lucky to fast only one day a week. It’s a good thing you grow your own vegetables.
20. Adopt a homeless person. Actually, by this point, they probably have it a lot better than me. And I hear they are quite hard on the environment, and that’s what this list is all about.
21. Raise the minimum wage to a survival income. No. Want to make more money? Get a better job. I sure feel good about all the impact this has on the environment.
22. Enact a maximum wage law. Oops. Never mind about that ‘get a better job’ thing. “Thank you,” says the environment.
23. Tie politicians’ salaries to the average working wage. Sure. Whatever. It’s enviro-tastic!
24. Replace majority rule with proportional representation. We love you, environment. See… we have proportional representation.
25. Replace the Electoral College with direct democratic elections. Wait just a minute… AH-HA! Me thinks there’s a bit more than just an environmental agenda here.
26. Abolish the CIA and the National Security Act of 1949. I did! I did saw a putty tat!
27. Pass a nature amendment to the US Constitution. Congress shall pass no law that involves the upsetting of a single molecule of this great planet…
28. Oust presidential adviser John Sununu. I guess that was timely back in the day. To update for current times, I’m sure you could plug in any ol’ conservative.
29. Plant one new tree every day. May as well. Got nothin’ else to do anymore.
30. Go to jail for something you believe in. By this point you’ve probably spent your 100 bucks. At least in jail you’ll get three square meals a day. And, of course, jail time is good for the environment.
31. Don’t own pets. Damn cats caused the polar ice caps to melt.
32. Allow all beef-producing domestic cattle to become extinct. Save the environment. Screw the cows. Oh, and starve to death.
33. Redirect the military budget to restoration work; convert weapons factories to peaceful research; retrain soldiers for ecological restoration. How ‘bout you soldiers get busy cleaning up all these dead cows?
34. Remove US Forest Service from under the Agriculture Department; place USFS, Bureau of Land Management, Fish & Wildlife Service under the EPA. By this point, I’m sure anarchy prevails. And the environment has always responded well to organizational changes within the US government.
35. Consume only products produced within your bioregion. Of course, travel outside your bioregion has become problematic ever since you buried your car.
36. Don’t eat anything that comes in a package. You haven’t eaten in a while.
37. Don’t buy anything that comes in a box. How far have you come this month with your $100?
38. Require operators and owners of nuclear plants to live within a mile of the site. In fact, let’s turn ‘em off. Will someone please clean up all these disconnected power lines?
39. Mandate federal recycling and institute a refuse tax on solid waste. Oh good, more taxes. I was afraid I’d never get rid of all this money.
40. Pipe polluted water back into the water supplies of the companies that do the polluting. Vindictive little tree-huggers, aren’t we?
41. Don’t own anything that runs on batteries. [iSorry ladies.
42. Hand over excess packaging to store manager on visits to the grocery [store]. [/i]*sigh*[/i]
43. Travel by bus, never by air. Ok, but now we’ll have to dig ‘em all up.
44. Stop using toilet paper and Kleenex; use washable cloth. I have dysentery, but damn if the trees aren’t pretty. This won’t be taxed under that solid waste law, will it?
45. Extend the life of your wardrobe by learning to make and mend your own clothes. Out of beef cow carcasses.
46. Give money to every single panhandler you meet. What money?
47. Democratize your workplace; start a union or collective. Teamsters = clean air, I guess.
48. Learn to farm. Didn’t we do that way back on #3?
49. Liberate a zoo. I’ll release these turtles. You go open up those lion cages.
50. Ask your boss if you can take a day off to work on healing the planet… with pay!  You’re fired. Hippie.[/QB]

 

[Corsair]

 

[Fineus]

 !

[Ryx]

 

[vadar_1]

half those things dont save the enviroment!
worthless hippies, hopefully by the time we screw over this floating rock is space we will have the ability to screw over more rocks. I hope those hippies arn't stepping on any rocks, they are destroying miniature models of our planet!

[Dr.Zer0]

now thats... scary  
Id better get a shovle...

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Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes):
My powerful brain in unraveling the myseries of the universe.
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"You have been overloaded with knowlage my young friend" -  untouchable
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"When you mess with a doctor, you mess with dark powers" - The Brak show
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Ion bars do not imprison me!
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I rember the good ol days when the last page on the VBB was 144

[Top Gun]

  Very Good

On a related Note; one of Kazan's friends booted Peta out of their school. http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/fr/620279/posts

[Nico]

Dunno why, but I felt of my chair when I read the n° 14' answer  

[Corsair]

That is definitely one of the funniest things I have seen in a while!!!  

[Grey Wolf]

That was seriously screwed up.

[Dark_4ce]

  OMFG!!     That is so damn funny!

[Stryke 9]

I wonder what would happen if I mentioned to an envronment nut of this sort that human civilization is a part of nature too, and that pollution is comparable to an Ice Age...

[Dr.Zer0]

 

Originally posted by Stryke 9:
I wonder what would happen if I mentioned to an envronment nut of this sort that human civilization is a part of nature too, and that pollution is comparable to an Ice Age...

then they would probly kill you using some magical enviromental powers

------------------
Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes):
My powerful brain in unraveling the myseries of the universe.
------------------
"You have been overloaded with knowlage my young friend" -  untouchable
------------------
"When you mess with a doctor, you mess with dark powers" - The Brak show
------------------
Ion bars do not imprison me!
------------------
I rember the good ol days when the last page on the VBB was 144

[Nico]

 

Originally posted by Stryke 9:
I wonder what would happen if I mentioned to an envronment nut of this sort that human civilization is a part of nature too, and that pollution is comparable to an Ice Age...

they would bury you next to your car  

[Stryke 9]

'Course, I have to say that some of the commentary is just as creepy as the main list...

[Zeronet]

   

Damn Hippies. I have one of them in my Form at school, just to tell you her mental state she asked the teacher in RE if "Jesus could of been an animal" and in geography said people moved into the cities because of the smell of the farms.

[LtNarol]

hmmm, kill off cows...this helps the environment how? go to total democracy....if this idiot is anything close to the average person, i would have a hard time seeing how we would survive.  Damn hippies, they bring a bad name to environmentalists

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158th Banshee Squadron http://3dactionplanet.com/hlp/hosted/the158th/  
Into the Night Campaign http://3dactionplanet.com/hlp/hosted/the158th/itn/

[Zeronet]

Environmentals are a bad thing because they are hippies. Im sick of all this treehugging vegie stuff. You actually need meat because it helps your digestive system by providing bacteria that breaks up food, vegatarians actually harm themselves by not eating it.

[Stryke 9]

Banf

In case anyone wanted to know, that's the sound of a bong hitting someone's skull.

Ecofreaks are NOT hippies. Some of them are a pale imitation, but they are decidedly not the real thing. If you think treehuggers are hippies, you have not the first clue what either group really is, and have been digesting commercialized culture and 60s retro pap for far too many years to be helped. Just stop saying it, and I won't have to explain either at length directly to the stump that was once your insufficiently ballasted head.

[Zeronet]

Explain to the Hangerman