You can ignore this rant if you want, I just need some cathartic release.
[rant]
Was talking with my best friend via Skype, and both came to the conclusion that we let our potential go to waste due to caving into the bullying we both faced back at school.
What's funny is that I spoke to one of my old teachers last week when I had to get a copy of my exam results, and she was honestly surprised that I'm not currently getting my degree in medicine. When I told her that Uni was off the table for a long time, maybe even permenantly, she told me that out of all her students that she ever taught at my old school, I was one of three that she thought would have the best chance of success in whatever fields we wished to study.
That and the convo I had with my friend tonight just hit me like a sack of bricks, and now I just feel angry at myself and tired.
I'm angry because at first I was over the moon about my apprenticeship, but now it just feels like a reminder of how I just gave up like a little ***** instead of manning up and breaking someone back at school. Or at least trying.
And I'm tired of being the first person people turn to and turn on when they get pissed off at something. It feels like more often than not, when I help someone I get thanked and spat on in almost the same breath. And when I don't help, I'm all the worst kinds of evil. And I'm tired of just taking the **** people seem to drop on me, laying down.
I try to not let most things get to me by acting as if I'm not bothered by things. And today it feels as if all frustration and anger and crap I can't even put a name to, has come bubbling up to the surface only for me to push it back down again due to me being the guy who'll do whatever he's asked to do, because people seem to have needed to use me as a crutch since I was 13.
And after posting this, come tomorrow it's back to smiling and pretending that things just wash over me with the worst effect being me getting a little pissed and posting about it on some forum with my oldest brother and a bunch of people I'll most likely never meet in person, in the search for some paltry fomr of release.
[/rant][/u]
P.S.
Sorry if the last bit seems as if I'm looking down on you guys, and I hope you know that I hold a great deal of respect towards most of the people here, Dekker included..except for when he used to break Alliance and nuke my bases in pretty much every RTS we played.
