[Zacam]

Nuke, I think you yourself should probably seek out some help.

You've subjected a lot of inappropriate commentary to situations that didn't require nor deserve it, and this one completely crosses a line.

So I'm going to help you to help yourself and give you some time to think things over.

[deathfun]

I took steps towards preventing further instances as yes, I'm aware relapsing is a thing. I've passed on the firearms in question to a good friend after him and another good friend came by.

We talked a bit, enjoyed ourselves on some games. I even reconnected with the person I had dropped for this specific reason a few months back. They were amazingly receptive, specifically my best friend of which we basically just picked up where we left off

What I'm trying to focus on is that I made the choice to live, so I intend to abide by it
As odd as it may sound to people who haven't been like this, it seems as though going that far was necessary for me to be able to beat this. It's always been a lingering option in the background, something that made it so I could just do nothing and have a way out once I could no longer just do nothing

It isn't an option anymore, and that makes me obligated to try

I appreciate the thoughts at any rate. I'll be taking advantage of the clarity which hopefully isn't, but probably will be, temporary.


EDIT: And now I have to finish that XCOM LP
...In another what, hundred missions it'll take?

[deathspeed]

Glad you are still with us. 

[karajorma]

One of the weirdest things about suicide is that it is often a spur of the moment thing. That's why so many people get talked down from ledges. They get up on the ledge, get ready to jump and then start wondering exactly why they got up there cause the feeling they had when they climbed over has faded away.


It's one reason why it's so important to call a crisis centre when you feel suicidal. It can feel like a rational choice but how rational can the decision to throw yourself off a bridge be if suicide rates for the entire town go down the second they put up barriers on a bridge? If you make it harder for people to kill themselves quite often they don't just find another way, they don't do it at all. So no matter how logical it can seem to do it, it's worth remembering that your brain can play tricks on you and that you should see a expert.

[headdie]

Nice one deathfun.

Taking back friends can be hard and defo a step in the right direction and its awesome that you have friends that are as understanding as that

[deathfun]

One of the weirdest things about suicide is that it is often a spur of the moment thing. That's why so many people get talked down from ledges. They get up on the ledge, get ready to jump and then start wondering exactly why they got up there cause the feeling they had when they climbed over has faded away.

The difference being is that for me it has never been spur of the moment, but a calculated option
As stupid as the option is to most, living in constant misery wasn't exactly a great alternative. The bit that gets overlooked is that I tried to do something about it, I hung onto the option of getting better... however the other one was just stronger and eventually just won out because the effort being put in just wasn't matching up with betterment

[InsaneBaron]

One of the weirdest things about suicide is that it is often a spur of the moment thing. That's why so many people get talked down from ledges. They get up on the ledge, get ready to jump and then start wondering exactly why they got up there cause the feeling they had when they climbed over has faded away.

The difference being is that for me it has never been spur of the moment, but a calculated option
As stupid as the option is to most, living in constant misery wasn't exactly a great alternative. The bit that gets overlooked is that I tried to do something about it, I hung onto the option of getting better... however the other one was just stronger and eventually just won out because the effort being put in just wasn't matching up with betterment

Glad you're still with us. It takes courage to get past an urge like that.   

[Grizzly]

Having been suicidal myself, I geuss I can relate my feelings on this.
First I will vent a bit: I found out why Gamergate's mascott, Vivian James, has a green and purple sweater - I won't link you the details (google 4 chan green and purple if you really want to know) - Green and purple refers to an image where a Dragonball Z character is ... mistreated - Since the image was too bad for 4chan, mods immeaditely removed and banned. However, /v/ users then started to make a lot of images with green and purple as a reference to said pic, intending to trigger the image subconsciously.

Tl;dr: Gamergate uses a trauma trigger as their mascott.

So with that out of the way, on to the suicide!

One of the weirdest things about suicide is that it is often a spur of the moment thing. That's why so many people get talked down from ledges. They get up on the ledge, get ready to jump and then start wondering exactly why they got up there cause the feeling they had when they climbed over has faded away.

I don't find this entirely correct, and I agree more with deathfun. The thing is that, no matter how much you don't want yourself to keep living with this and eventually go "the ends justify the means", it's still really ****ing hard to kill yourself. Killing yourself is a big leap, and it is often a leap people are unwilling to take because their depression prevents them from taking big leaps. This is why people who are on anti-depressants have greater risk of suicide for a time, because their willingness to take big leaps increases before their actual feelings about their situation does.

The reason why people can be talked down from ledges is not because it's a "Spur of the moment thing". Those people have thought long and hard about this - It's quite simply because they no longer see any other way out of their misery and in their desperation see no other way. But that is also why one can talk people out of it: When you are at the point that you are willing to take your own life to make the misery stop, you are usually open to just about anything that you feel can improve your life situation. It's not the suicide that is a spur of the moment thing, it's the walking away of it that is.

[Phantom Hoover]

Tl;dr: Gamergate uses a trauma trigger as their mascott.

That... does not sound to me like a reasonable example of a 'trauma trigger'. That term refers to an actual concept with an actual serious meaning, not 'anything that someone finds reminiscent of something offensive'.

[karajorma]

I didn't mean that suicide is a whim. I meant that the part of you that wants to kill yourself can win out for no real reason.

Just one day with no real triggering event it gets too much.

And for many people if you get past that point the side of you that wants to live wins out again and you realise it would have been a mistake.

But speaking to someone is important because you never know when that side is going to win again. So it's not as if you can say "I'm okay, I only need to talk to someone about this if things get bad again"

[Grizzly]

I didn't mean that suicide is a whim. I meant that the part of you that wants to kill yourself can win out for no real reason.

Oh, very true.

That... does not sound to me like a reasonable example of a 'trauma trigger'. That term refers to an actual concept with an actual serious meaning, not 'anything that someone finds reminiscent of something offensive'.

Oh alright. It's still a girl wearing a rape joke, which seems unbelievably stupid for the mascott of an "inclusive community"

[Gortef]

I'm also glad that you're still with us deathfun.

[Aardwolf]

Machine learning! Woot!

I finally got a multilayer perceptron to learn!



Wikipedia says take the gradient and modify the coefficient proportionally, i.e. this:

Code: [Select]

for each index i into coefficients matrix "weights":
        dydx[i] = the partial derivative of f(weights) with respect to weights[i]
for each index i into coefficients matrix "weights":
        weights[i] -= learning rate * dydx[i]



Here's what actually works:

Code: [Select]

for each index i into coefficients matrix "weights":
        dydx = the partial derivative of f(weights) with respect to weights[i]
        weights[i] -= learning rate * dydx



 

[Klaustrophobia]

CD from amazon arrived today with a crushed case.  this is why i don't like buying online.  but no one really sells CDs anymore. 

[Kopachris]

The only thing I've ever bought online that arrived broken was a hydrometer.  Although, I did accidentally break the band on some cheap over-ear headphones the day after I bought them and returned them as "broken on delivery".

[Sololop]

I've been unemployed for the last 4 and a half months after I went to take a course to change my career. Finally have an interview in my new field Tuesday, and they offer a $2500 signing bonus which would fix all my current behind-bill problems, wish me luck!

[headdie]

I've been unemployed for the last 4 and a half months after I went to take a course to change my career. Finally have an interview in my new field Tuesday, and they offer a $2500 signing bonus which would fix all my current behind-bill problems, wish me luck!

Good luck man

[Mongoose]

I've been unemployed for the last 4 and a half months after I went to take a course to change my career. Finally have an interview in my new field Tuesday, and they offer a $2500 signing bonus which would fix all my current behind-bill problems, wish me luck!

Knock 'em dead!

In related news, I now take back every complaint I had against my past teachers.  This job involves a massive amount of work.

[AtomicClucker]

Finally lost it with my family... for quite simple reasons. I'm close to finishing my BFA degree, but if I get anymore conspiratorial **** about "being brainwashed," for going to a state university and or "supporting American Imperialism" because I happen to like drawing mechanical objects including tanks, artillery, and piles of spent shells, Holy Hell they're going to get no rest till I quit the house.

Certain members of my family are now convinced I want to join the military and invite UN troops to take over America for our evil Rothschild Overlords. Over a bunch of frickin' mechanical studies! Seriously, why do I put up with these idiots?

But hooray, I'm on track to nabbing that long coveted BFA.

On the plus side, Gamasutra is on its last legs for advertiser support. If Autodesk falls, and I hope they do, that site will wake up and get off its Politically Correct ass. Though I may be no friend of GamerGate, I do find it wonderful that a consumer backlash is now finally starting to send a blunt message to gaming media that they're not safe.

[The E]

On the plus side, Gamasutra is on its last legs for advertiser support. If Autodesk falls, and I hope they do, that site will wake up and get off its Politically Correct ass. Though I may be no friend of GamerGate, I do find it wonderful that a consumer backlash is now finally starting to send a blunt message to gaming media that they're not safe.

Do not bring this bull**** into this thread.