CP, every day I look at you and see bits of myself. I went through a very similar stage, about 4 years ago (yes, when I was about 12), and came up with all sorts of wierd and wacky theories (some which still seem to hold some decent ground today, despite my age). Then, I researched more into many religions - Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Zoroastrianism (sp?), Judaism, Atheism (well, it's kind of like a religion) and Christianity especially. The more I tried to disprove Christianity, the more I was compelled by it.
It was very frustrating; many of my friends were also going along similar lines at this stage, seeing if they could find things wrong with it - and why Christianity was so unique to other religions - and then, I found God. Rather, He found me. I probably cannot prove to you through words what God now means to me, but... I tell you what, in all honesty - I don't know how non-Christians survive, mentally, when everything comes crashing down on you. I tell you the truth, I've gone through a lot of things and seen things I haven't wanted to see in the last six months, but only leaning on God has kept me stable. I kid you not.
That is quite an interesting experience. My years were similar, but the more I looked at Hinduism (which I was brought up with), the more doubtful I would become of its correctness. When I originally began to question the principles, I actually was trying to find out why certain unexplained things existed, and how people originally figured those out. For example, as an analogy to Christianity, you could ask "What exact processes went into the creation of mankind" or "Why is Christ 'pure' while others are not?" Finding there that was no simple way to answer these, I moved on to more fundamental questions: Why does humanity exist? Why does god exist? I studied the other religions as well, but found them much less to my liking because there was no freedom of thought there and everything still remained unexplained. I eventually got to thinking, Does god exist? What if god did not exist? The latter question intrigued me, and I looked back in my own past: What chain of events led me to accept god? Why did I accept god? What if I had not accepted god? As a math lover, I like to carefully analyze everything and attempt to build a theory that would explain the facts.
. When I learned more of the implications of quantum theory, it seemed to explain everything that I had previously thought god was responsible for, so that essentially became my god for one of the purposes.
The other purpose of god - an upholder of justice - did not seem as important to me, as I percieved that the world pretty much went on randomly and did not have much of what was defined as "righteousness" to it. As you said, relying on god keeps people stable and gives them courage to face the world, which is one of the main reasons that people like to accept god. As someone in the
Foundation and Earth novel said, "who doesn't prefer a well-worn belief to the chilly winds of uncertainty?"
I decided that the truth was more important to me, however, and that there is nothing to be gained in avoiding the truth in favor of a better reality. (at the moment, at least) Over time, I made my ideas a bit more precise; there was no cognitive stagnation anymore, as was the case with religions, and so that is where I am now.
I still have a long way to go (probably infinite), but the pursuit appears to be an enjoyable and rewarding one.
(I spent hundreds of hours thinking about this during my visits to India, since there was nothing to do there.
I think it paid off though.
)
Let me ask you this, CP: What do you think of the Bible as an archaeological document?
I would think the main value of it in that case would be to examine how people thought at the time and how they analyzed facts. By comparing that to what is seen today, trends can be formulated and the future can be theorized.
