[S-99]

Maybe i'm awkward, but i enjoy cheesy jokes for their absolute retarded creativity regardless of whether or not they make people laugh. There's a cheese meter for this kind of thing too. 1 is you made someone chuckle, 2 is it hurt their brain so much it lowered their IQ to 50.

Anyone got any good ones?

[Nuclear1]

Why are pirates always angry?

Spoiler:

They just arrrr

[Locutus of Borg]

[S-99]

  That ones great. currently queuing up the youtube video since i'm on dialup.

I'm also trying to beef up my cheesy joke repertoire. Of course i know only one which is the one i made up. It's a pretty awful one though i made sure of that; it's sure to make you feel dumb.

How does hitler eat his food?

Spoiler:

He adolf his plate.

[Nuclear1]

What do you get when you throw a grenade into a French bathroom?

Spoiler:

Linoleum Blownapart

[Black Wolf]

Sthere's a barman standing behind the bar in a quiet county pub in the later afternoon, after the lunch rush but before the after-wok crowd. The front room's empty, when all of a sudden, the front door opens and in hops a little white rabbit. The rabbit jumps up onto a stool, slaps a 10 dollar note on the counter and says "I'll have a beer and a ham and cheese toastie please."

The barman, of course, is naturallya little surprised, but the rabbit has money and the bar's dead, so he makes the toastie and purs the beer and hands them to the rabbit, who eats, drinks and then jumps off is stool and out the door. The barman, of course, is still a little shaken by the prospect of a talking rabbit, but he goes on with his shift nonetheless.

Anyway, the next day, same time, same thing happens, rabbit walks in, "Ham and cheese toatie and a beer thanks mate" - only this time there are people in the bar who also see the rabbit. They tell their mates, who come down to the pub the next day to see the talking rabbit and sure enough, he appears.

Anyway, this continues for several weeks, and begins to draw huge crowds every afternoon, until one day, the barman makes a terrible discovery. Just a few minutes before the rabbit is due to arrive, he realizes that the kitchen is out of cheese. It's too late to go to the shop and get some, and so they wait, the seconds ticking by, the tension in the air so thick you could cut it with a knife. And then, right on time, in hops the rabbit. He hops up to the bar, onto his favourite stool, slaps down a $10 note and says "Beer and a ham and cheese toastie thanks mate."
The barman replies "You can have your beer, but I'm afraid we've run out of cheese for your toastie. But don't worry! I'll make you a ham and onion toastie instead - it'll be fine."
The rabbit looks a bit worried now "Ham and onion? Will I like it?"
"Yeah, yeah, they're great. No worries!"
The rabbit thinks for a few moments then nods his agreement. So the barman makes his toastie, pours his beer, and the rabbit eats, drinks and hops away.

After that day, the rabbit was never seen again in the bar. People kept coming to see the rabbit, but after dozens of no shows, even the die hards stopped coming. And then one day, months later, on a quiet afternoon in an empty bar, the barman's cleaning glasses when suddenly a ghost appears! It's the white rabbit!

"You bastard!" Yells the rabbit "You prick! You killed me!"
The barman, of course, is shocked "No! No, you were fine when you left last time! What happened - how could you have died?"

Spoiler:

"I'm a rabbit you fool! I died of mixin-my-toasties!"

Yep. You read all through that for that

[Nuclear1]

I was half expecting "****ing Batman"

[Dark Hunter]

A man walks into a bar and says "ouch!"

[Colonol Dekker]

This one's a tad blue.  . .
 

Spoiler:

My wife just found out she's adopted. She's devastated, & kept asking "Why didnt they want me?" I comforted her and after a while, still crying, she asked me 2 make love 2 her, which led to more tears. On reflection, banging her up the arse & shouting "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!" was a little insensitive.
 

 
I did warn ya.

[QuantumDelta]

or brown? ;p

[Dilmah G]

This one's a tad blue.  . .
 

Spoiler:

My wife just found out she's adopted. She's devastated, & kept asking "Why didnt they want me?" I comforted her and after a while, still crying, she asked me 2 make love 2 her, which led to more tears. On reflection, banging her up the arse & shouting "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!" was a little insensitive.
 

 
I did warn ya.

L-O-L. Well done Dekker. 


What do you call a car with a bunch of chavs in it?

Spoiler:

A chavrolet.

[Jeff Vader]

What do you call a lesbian driving a Dodge Sprinter full of penises?

Spoiler:

A dick van dyke.

[Nuke]

what do you get when you put a baby in a pot of boiling water

Spoiler:

soup

what do you get when you put a baby in a blender

Spoiler:

an erection

[StarSlayer]

What have you got when a bunch of thieves wash up on shore?

Spoiler:

A Crime Wave

[Colonol Dekker]

Spoiler:

Blonde wife painting house, husband walks in and cant believe she's doing so well.But has to ask her why she is wearing a leather jacket & a parka, she said! Er hellooo read the ****ing tin it says for best results put on 2 coats!

[Sushi]

There was once a great king, who suspected the members of his court of conspiring against him. He had one count captured and tortured so he would confess, but he refused.

Finally, he ordered the count beheaded. Just as the axe was falling, he yelled, "I'll talk, I'll talk!" Alas it was too late.

The moral, Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
    they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
    everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a
    rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.
    He asked the good fathers to close down, but
    they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.
    They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
    the roughest and most vicious Thug in town to "persuade"
    them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed Their store,
    saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
    Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can
    prevent florist friars.

[Demitri]

Whats the last thing that goes through a fly's mind as it hits a car windscreen?

Spoiler:

It's arse

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Spoiler:

fsh

What do you call a dear with no eye?

Spoiler:

No eye dear

[Klaustrophobia]

(Works best verbally)

Two whales are sitting at a bar.  The first whale turns to the other and says:

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(continue in this fasion for about 3 minutes)

So the second whale replies:

*take a deep breath*

"What?"

[IronBeer]

What do you call a dozen lawyers up to their necks in sand?

Spoiler:

Insufficient sand

[watsisname]

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

 ;P