Author Topic: OT: New Joke  (Read 4517 times)

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Offline Kitsune

  • 27
Nothing against any lawyers out there. :)


Lawyer Brains

A woman with a brain tumor was surprised when her doctor called her, and told her of a new, experimental brain transplant procedure.  When she met with her doctor, he told her that she would require the transplant of one pound of brain.  The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?"

"What type?" the woman asked, "That makes a difference?"

"Yes," replied the doctor.  "There is a substantial difference in price.  For example, one-pound of brain from a surgeon costs $12,000, while you can get one-pound of brain from a nuclear physicist for $15,000 and so on.  You will gain some of the qualities associated with the profession of the brain donor, so your choice can make a big difference."

"Can you give me one-pound of brain from a lawyer?  Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of being a trial attorney."

"Sure.  Let's see. That's $250,000," The doctor replied.

"You're kidding me!  That's outrageous," the woman gasped.  "That's over forty times what a surgeon's brain costs."



"Actually, it is quite reasonable," the doctor replied.  "Do you have any idea how many lawyers it takes to produce a pound of brain?"
~Space Kitsuné
6-Tailed RPG Nut.

"Why the hell don't we have any missles on this damn boat?!"
"But Sir, we have Tempests, Rockeyes, and unknown bombs."
"Like I said ensign, 'Why don't we have any missles on this damn boat?!"

"I went to a fight last night and a hockey game broke out."  -Groucho Marx

 

Offline Bobboau

  • Just a MODern kinda guy
    Just MODerately cool
    And MODest too
  • 213
not bad

I have a joke, but I need a minority we can all agree on :nod:
Bobboau, bringing you products that work... in theory
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DEUTERONOMY 22:11
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Offline Kitsune

  • 27
A minority we can all agree on to be the butt end of a joke?

*hmm*

THE BARFY SMILIES!
~Space Kitsuné
6-Tailed RPG Nut.

"Why the hell don't we have any missles on this damn boat?!"
"But Sir, we have Tempests, Rockeyes, and unknown bombs."
"Like I said ensign, 'Why don't we have any missles on this damn boat?!"

"I went to a fight last night and a hockey game broke out."  -Groucho Marx

 

Offline elorran

  • Big Daddy Tap
  • 28
  • Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?

Pokémon (poke-him-on) :D

awaits to be pelted with tomatoes
Thats no moon... hes dropped his pants!

 

Offline Galemp

  • Actual father of Samus
  • 212
  • Ask me about GORT!
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ka-PELT!
*splat*

Consider yourself pelted. :p
"Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment." -- Robert Benchley

Members I've personally met: RedStreblo, Goober5000, Sandwich, Splinter, Su-tehp, Hippo, CP5670, Terran Emperor, Karajorma, Dekker, McCall, Admiral Wolf, mxlm, RedSniper, Stealth, Black Wolf...

 

Offline Martinus

  • Aka Maeglamor
  • 210
    • Hard Light Productions
A 74 year old guy comes out of his room the morning after the honeymoon. He's all bouncey and has a smile on his face as he orders breakfast in the hotel's resturant.
A few minutes later his 22 year old wife stumbles through the resturant door in her dressing gown, she's bow legged, has wrecked hair and looks really tired.

A waitress approaches her and asks her what has happened to her. She points at her 74 year old husband and says
"The bastard tricked me, he said he'd been saving up for the last 50 years".



Lets see if anyone gets this one

 

Offline Kitsune

  • 27
:wakka:

That's a damn long time to go without!
~Space Kitsuné
6-Tailed RPG Nut.

"Why the hell don't we have any missles on this damn boat?!"
"But Sir, we have Tempests, Rockeyes, and unknown bombs."
"Like I said ensign, 'Why don't we have any missles on this damn boat?!"

"I went to a fight last night and a hockey game broke out."  -Groucho Marx

 

Offline CP5670

  • Dr. Evil
  • Global Moderator
  • 212
huh, that last didn't make sense to me... :p

 

Offline Vortex

  • 25
Nah I think you got the ending wrong, she's supposed to say, "When he said he had been saving it up for the last 50 years, I thought he meant money!"
Proud member of the Combathawks and Silver Talon Wing
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Offline Redfang

  • 28
:lol:The first one was funny... :lol:
 
But I didn't get the second one... :wtf::sigh:

 

Offline LtNarol

  • Biased Banshee
  • 211
    • http://www.3dap.com/hlp/hosted/the158th
the second one is just plain wrong....ehh!

come here maeg...:headz:

 

Offline Styxx

  • 211
    • Hard Light Productions
Quote
Originally posted by CP5670
huh, that last didn't make sense to me... :p


Not a surprise then... :D :p
Probably away. Contact through email.

 

Offline Ulundel

  • Big press poppa
  • 210
:lol:
The first one was pretty good.
BTW, I really like how Arnold says "tumor". That damn german accent. :D

 

Offline Vortex

  • 25
If you believe the scientists at Britain's Laugh Lab, the following joke is number one--according to more than 100,000 people from around the world who visited the site and rated jokes:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up.

"Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."

Watson says, "I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes replies, "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!"
Proud member of the Combathawks and Silver Talon Wing
100th gany victim
143rd person to reach commodore (without cheating)
------------------------
SPAM!  SPAM! SPAM! Hit your post button pilot! hehehe... :drevil:
------------------------
"To have may be taken from you; to have had, never. Far better to have tasted love before dying than to die alone."

                                          Vintar

 

Offline Ulundel

  • Big press poppa
  • 210
:lol: :lol: :lol: Hehe, the best one in this thread. :D

 

Offline Corsair

  • Gull Wings Rule
  • 29
Quote
Originally posted by LtNarol
the second one is just plain wrong....ehh!

come here maeg...:headz:
:nod:

And CP: You wouldn't...it doesn't have anything to do with math.
Wash: This landing's gonna get pretty interesting.
Mal: Define "interesting".
Wash: *shrug* "Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die"?
Mal: This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then... explode.

 

Offline Gortef

  • 210
  • A meat popsicle
hehe good ones... but the last one sure is the best :D
Habeeb it...

 

Offline Styxx

  • 211
    • Hard Light Productions
Quote
Originally posted by Vortex
Holmes replies, "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!"


Classic... :D
Probably away. Contact through email.

 

Offline Martinus

  • Aka Maeglamor
  • 210
    • Hard Light Productions
Quote
Originally posted by LtNarol
the second one is just plain wrong....ehh!

come here maeg...:headz:


Oh for gawds sake!! You just need to spell it out for some ppl ;)

 

Offline icespeed

  • 3574
  • 28
heard em all before, but jokes are always cool to point and laugh at.:lol:as has been said: classic.
and don't bother explaining to cp. he's just going to turn everything into a maths rules girls suck thread again.
(sorry cp, don't mean to be nasty but you're really getting me annoyed about all that)
$quot;Let your light shine before men...$quot;
Matthew 5:16

When I graduate, I'm going to be a doctor, and people are going to come to me looking for treatment and prescription drugs, and I'm going to give it to them. Is anyone scared yet?

$quot;If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord', and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.$quot; Romans 10:9