How about this. Set us all up with ample office facilities, all the hardware that goes with it, adequate monthly pay, and all the other stuff that goes with it - retirement plan, health insurance, etc.
Do all that and you'll get your release date. For now though we're just a band of volunteers that work whenever they have time/feel like it. Pretty impossible to predict anything that way
Very well since we last talked (about 6 hours ago) I managed to find a quarter in addition to my dollar o dimes. This brings my current capital for this venture to $1.25. With this I have started a company, and am proud to announce Drow Co. Since you will be getting in on the ground floor of this enterprise I am willing, and able, to offer an amazing salaried Jr partner position of about 2,200 dollars a year, unluckily at this rate I will only be able to hire you for about 3 hours as that will use $0.75 dollars of my starting capital, and I need the other $0.50 for the stamps to send you the money.
However as a Jr. Partner in Drow Co. you will be entitled to stock options, which can be taken in place of payment. My accountant (the other guy in the grocery line) say "That is a crazy idea!" But you know how crazy ideas are often crazy enough to work! So I have taken the liberty of putting the $1.25 into the revenue of the company and then putting the company onto the stock exchange, with a Million shares. You will get 25% of these shares. This means your starting bonus will be $0.000005 which is admittedly not very much. Howevery we are a fast growing company. As I have stated in the last 6 hours I have increase our revenue 25% at this rate the company will be worth $536,870,912 by this time next month, and $134,217,728 of that will be yours. I believe that this is well worth it.
As far as offices go I can get you a corner office in a carboard box by the end of the week, this should provide adequate work space for a desk and chair, and since I will be connecting to your office (has a nice ring to it doesn't it?) to a local street light you can have all of the power that you want. As for hardware recently a local school upgraded to a new computer lab and is willing to give us all of their old computers, this means that you can have up to 20, relatively, new computers.
Healthcare at Drow Co. is second to none (well none is less than what we offer). Our medical is currently rather small, we practice preventative medicine so we can offer you a bar of soap and some running water courtesy of a local stream. There are many published studies about how clean hands reduce sick leave of employees, which means they are healthier. And so far not one employee has gotten sick, which I think speaks volumes about our healthcare plan. We also offer a dental package, what we do is if you have a problem with a tooth we find a piece of string a friendly looking door and we rip the problem right out!
Instead of retirement we offer company housing. By acquiring a few more cardboard boxes I have set up a small, 5 building, apartment complex in a local park. Your next door neighbor will be Carl. He is a bit of an odd man, what missing an eye and has multiple personality disorder, but he is very kind hearted according to the lady at the soup kitchen (where I picked him up). He does also have a bit of a temper and tends to stab things in his sleep. Still I feel that you will soon become best of friends. Also he is your landlord.
The only thing that my company does not provide is moving expenses. But I know that is but a paltry sum as compared to the one-hundred and thirty-four thousand dollars that you will be making next month. (see beginning of letter for details)
I expect to see your acceptance letter soon, and I know that you will be a great addition to the team.