[HLD_Prophecy]

Hi all, I'll state my case as simply as I can.

I'm going to be cutting most of my business with Freespace and HLP. No, this is not a big middle finger at the community or at anyone!    This is something that I want to do.

Freespace modding and community interaction has been a slowly brewing source of stress for me. I have a large family to take care of - I'm not married, but I have lots of siblings with difficult health problems and special needs ranging from moderate to severe, a constantly messy house, school, and work.

Recently I realized how much worrying HLP and modding work has taken out of me. Back when I joined up, I thought modding would be something fun I could do in my spare time with a community (I don't have time for sports, clubs, etc.). Years later, I am now literally losing my temper with my younger brothers when they interrupt me when I am worrying about modding. Little special needs kids who just ask for attention. That is unacceptable. I cannot continue to take in that stress. Lost was one thing, that was on my own. Scroll was a huge jump up, and frankly more than I could chew. Now I have accepted even more work for other projects, and it's too much.

I apologize to you all, but it's too much.

Again, I'm very sorry if this sounds whiney. I know you've all probably dealt with similar struggles, but for some reason or another you've all decided to continue working here. Ultimately, and please do not take this the wrong way, but I owe more to my family than to an internet community. I need to put them first, I need to take stresses out of my life so that I can treat them better.


I'm dropping all modding projects, more or less. I'm leaving the Discord channel. I might get some Lost footage recorded on my own for Millbear, as he should have his demo reel. I am still happy to continue running the screenshot contest, that's lightweight, but otherwise 99% I'm going to keep out of other topics. Orpheus, sorry that I won't be up for that Armada 2 match. 

If this comes as a shock to anyone, I am sorry. I have to confess that for the past months, any optimism I showed, any readyness to take on new jobs, any "I'll get it done!" was basically a sham. I mean there was some honesty to it, but mostly it was a front for frustration and stress. I didn't want more jobs; I took them because I didn't want to let anyone down. Especially Goober, but anyone else as well.

When will this end? I don't know. Maybe in the Summer, if at all, at the soonest. Maybe not at all? I'm not sure, guys. Again, please remember that this is not an attack on anyone or a statement against anyone. This is what I want to do, even though it isn't fun at the moment.

Thanks all.


@Goober:

Spoiler:

I'm so very sorry. I really don't want to negotiate this. If it looks like I'm just up and dumping you and Scroll like other people before me - well, it's no good being dishonest, it is that. I apologize for basically deceiving you about my willingness to work. You can take me off of the SVN, remove my badge, or more. I hope you'll forgive me as I realize how unfair this seems to the leader of the team who's basically been plugging away at the project while people come and go. Again, though, I have to confess: I owe more to my family than I do to Scroll. And ultimately that's it. My free time is damage control - I need to spend it doing things that calm me down and prepare me to treat my family kindly, not stressful projects that feel like school assignments. Thanks for my time on the team.

[HLD_Prophecy]

To make myself clear, this is me letting out a floodgate of stress that has been building for a long time behind my outward calm and willingness to take on work. This is for real even though it's very sudden. I tried to hide it from myself, but I've been slowly realizing that it's no good. In truth, I've been wanting to drop modding and community small talk for a while now.

[Scourge of Ages]

I think I can safely speak for everyone when I say: Please, take whatever time you need. Your health and your family SHOULD come first. Don't feel bad for making that choice, HLP will be fine. And feel free to hang out in Off-Topic Discussion, it should be relatively stress-free

[HLD_Prophecy]

Thanks.  That means a lot to me.

I'm mostly concerned about my practical abandonment of Scroll, though. And what that means for the team members I'm leaving.

[Colonol Dekker]

Take as much time as you need and don't worry dude.  Real life always comes first. 

Pop in when you can but don't feel pressure or any unjustified guilt.   

You've got to look after yourself before you can look after others, you're no good to anyone broken mentally or physically so well done for getting a handle on it now before stress took real hold.   


Check in whenever it suits

[Nightmare]

Just remember- coming to HLP should be a fun thing after all.

BTW, what's going to happen with the ScreenCap contest?

[HLD_Prophecy]

Thanks both of you!  This really is one of the better online communities I've been part of, people here can be pretty friendly and chill when it comes down to it.

As for the screencap contest, I'd like to keep running that. I'm enjoying it a lot and unlike modding work it's not causing me any stress. 

[Goober5000]

As I said on Discord, do what you gotta do.  RL comes first.  Get rid of the stress, take care of yourself and your family.  I wish you all the best, and we'll still be here in the meantime.

[crizza]

I'll wish you all the best for your future.
If you feel you're ready, I guess you'll get a warm welcome back.

[HLD_Prophecy]

I really do greatly appreciate the way you've all been handling this.    I'll basically still be around, just more low-key. Going to try to stay out of major modding discussions. I'll hang around the screencap contest and probably the Gaming Discussion as well. Answering random questions on the help forums once in a while also doesn't stress me out, so that's in.

And especially no political/ethical/law/religious discussions for me.    I more or less can't get into those without raising tempers, distressing people (not to mention myself!) and getting nowhere. Better to be on good, casual terms with people than to INSIST THAT I'M RIGHT! 

[Colonol Dekker]

Don't mention mortal engines and we'll all be less stressed.

[Assassin714]

Sad to see you go.

[HLD_Prophecy]

Sad to see you go.

I'll still be around a bit! But yeah, at least for now I'm dropping tfwftm as well. Thanks for the cool concept and good times!

BTW all, I left the Discord server yesterday. Part of cutting down on the stress is not checking the feeds a dozen times a  day! Any remarks, or dm's since then, I did not see. Just so y'all know in case I didn't respond and it looks rude!

[Grizzly]

Good luck with all of this, sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.
Living with and caring for people with either mental or physical health problems is a huge psychological drain, don't be afraid or ashamed to seek help on that front. You're already giving much, you can ask for something in return

[IronBeer]

Good luck with all of this, sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.
Living with and caring for people with either mental or physical health problems is a huge psychological drain, don't be afraid or ashamed to seek help on that front. You're already giving much, you can ask for something in return

Seconded.

Also, Freespace is closing in on 20 years old and still around. It'll be here for you whenever you decide to come back.

[HLD_Prophecy]

Thanks, guys! It means a ton to me, all the encouragement you guys give.    I'm going to close the topic soon-ish, anyone after that can contact me by PM, or see me in the screencap contest threads or Gaming Discussion!

[manwiththemachinegun]

Freespace has made it this far, I think it'll be fine while you get life sorted.

[HLD_Prophecy]

Freespace has made it this far, I think it'll be fine while you get life sorted.

 

[Nightmare]

Freespace has made it this far, I think it'll be fine while you get life sorted.

Relating to this, I could say now "go away and come back in 10 years", but I hope you don't need that long.

[HLD_Prophecy]

Now that the topic's served it's purpose, can I ask the mod to have it closed?