I feel no regard for the people around me, and I don't believe they deserve any. I am feeling like I have no reason to continue this travesty called 'life'. The suffering that was forced unto me has driven me to a point of not caring for or about any one person on the face of this disgusting planet. The vicious cycle of hatred to suffering to hatred, often called the gears of madness, has taken its hold upon me. The festering despisal I have for this world takes me to a point where I embrace the madness, the hatred, the sickness. I may be too far to be saved now, and I do not wish for it.
As time continues to exhaust my sanity, I begin to question the motive behind such a foul existance; how an unstable and useless life is worth living. The days of innocence have long since passed, we are left only with a rotting, toxic way for our livelyhood. The purely dark intentions of those who outweigh the rest are poisoning the minds of the loving. Hatred begins to take hold, and the pusseus environment is in plain sight, for everyone to observe, but without care.
This hopelessness ignites fear and hatred upon the most, spawning the same dark tendencies that caused their disturbed existance. This endless conundrum feeds upon the minds of the weak, creating further insecurity and pain. While every now and then, a series of events may be diverting from the suffering, this brief period of joy is consumed by the blackness. When seen over an extended period of time, our lives are nothing more than an infinite sadness.
But I am so far disgusted with my situation, that I feel retribution is the only solution. This absolute hatred that I now have for others is consuming my sanity, and I must fight it. But I don't wish to vanquish the hate, I wish to master it. I will use it to throw others into a state of absolute suffering without hope for redemption. I wish for the darkness to be blinding, and the silence to be deafening. I would not stop for any reason, as rock bottom is not low enough. Thru the destruction of spirit, they will suffer me. They will all suffer me.
-My thoughts
In short, I am overwhelmed with pure hate, my patience is depleted, and I am using my sanity as replacement. I hope to hell I can manage atleast until New Years...
