So I was called by this indian fellow posing as a Windows Operating System tech guy helping me with the copious amount of errors being sent to him which MUST be a virus
I was bored, so I strung him along. Oh boy, where to start
"Alright, go to your computer"
"Alright, at my computer"
"Do you see the desktop and everything on it?"
"Uh.... no I just see a black screen"
"...is the computer on?"
"I think so... oh wait... no it isn't. Hold on" *pause* "Alright, it's turning on"
"Alright" *pause* "Do you see the desktop and all the icons?"
"Uh... no it's still loading. It takes about three minutes"
"Well it would appear your computer is running slowly, and could be related to things running in the background"
"Oh no, it's always run like this. It's Windows 98"
"Did you say Windows 98 sir?"
"Yes, it's Windows 98"
"Do you have any other computers in your household?"
"Uh, no... this is my only computer"
"That is your only computer?"
"Yes, the the 98 is my only computer"
"Do you see the desktop icons yet?"
"No... still load- oh wait here we go. I see the... four dozens or so icons now"
"Alright, take a look and find the one that says "My Computer""
"I already found my computer"
"Right click on it"
"How do I right click on a CRT monitor?"
"No sir, right click on the desktop icon"
"There's a desktop icon for My Computer?"
"Yes sir, it should be located in the top left corner"
"Uh... okay... searching for it now..." *pause* "Ah there it is, it was under that vid...eoo.... [chuckle]"
"Now right click on it"
"How do I right click?"
"Hit the right click on your mouse"
"I have a single click mouse... how do I right click?"
"Okay forget about that then sir, go to run"
"Run where?"
"Run program"
"Are you selling me a gym membership?"
"No sir, it's on your computer. It's a program"
"Oooooo. Alright, where is this run?"
"Click the start menu button"
"Okay, clicked it"
"Now it should be on the right side... hit run. R...U...N" (thanks dumbass for spelling it)
"Alright, I clicked it... nothing happened"
"Nothing happened?"
"Ya, I clicked it and nothin- oh wait there we go. A small little box came up"
"Alright, what do you see in this box?"
"It's a box... with a white line typey thingy to type in, and an arrow I can click which gives me a white box"
"Alright, click on the white... line... thingy"
"Okay"
"Now type in ffjdsfjf" (I honestly didn't know what he told me to)
"Wait... what was I typing in?"
"fdhsfjak"
"Could you repeat that?"
"Are you at the run program sir?"
"Yes I am at the run program. What am I supposed to type in?"
"Alright, type in the following" *Starts listing using phonetics*
"Okay okay, now what?"
"Hit okay"
"Alright, so I hit okay... nothing happened. Is that suppose to happen?"
"Your computer is running really slowly sir. Are you sure you don't have any other computers in your household?"
"Nope. I only have the 98"
"How old is that computer sir?"
"It's from 1998"
"And there are no other computers in your house?"
*aggravated* "No, there are no other computers in my household!"
"Alright, did a window pop up on your screen?"
"Uh... no... all I see is a blue screen with white text saying... internal error"
"I'm sorry si-"
"What did you do to my computer? WHAT THE **** DID YOU DO TO MY COMPUTER?"
*click*

Best start to a morning I've ever had.