[Nuke]

You're like how I could be if I was more metal.

theres lots of metal there. theres fast metal, slow metal, brutal metal, flowery metal, epic metal, virtuoso metal, metal that sound like **** but is still awesome, metal that makes you homicidal, metal that makes you suicidal, metal that makes you deicidal, metal that requires satanic sacrifice rituals (goat blood works best), metal for perverts (r.i.p. oderus urungus), metal with boobs, metal with weed, metal for hicks, metal for psychopaths, metal that makes you carve the bands name in your arm with a piece of broken glass (that you broke with your head), metal made by murderers, all kinds of metal, surely you can find some you like.

[Hobbie]

You're like how I could be if I was more metal.

theres lots of metal there. theres fast metal, slow metal, brutal metal, flowery metal, epic metal, virtuoso metal, metal that sound like **** but is still awesome, metal that makes you homicidal, metal that makes you suicidal, metal that makes you deicidal, metal that requires satanic sacrifice rituals (goat blood works best), metal for perverts (r.i.p. oderus urungus), metal with boobs, metal with weed, metal for hicks, metal for psychopaths, metal that makes you carve the bands name in your arm with a piece of broken glass (that you broke with your head), metal made by murderers, all kinds of metal, surely you can find some you like.

That's pretty metal.

[Klaustrophobia]

Hang in there bro, reach out for help if you need it 

There's only one person I want to reach out to, and therein lies the problem. 

The quick version is the girl I've mentioned a few times before and that I'm deeply in love with just got engaged.  His name is Not Me.

I made it through work without incident.  Had some dwelling thoughts a couple times, and I now understand what it is to literally feel numb inside, but for the most part a normal day.  Bad traffic, pissed off navy folk, me pushing to make their jobs hell while feeling terrible about it because that's my goddamn job.  Walked around in a daze for the first bit and at the end from my car to my front door, but I thought I'd made it and was fine.  Except when I shut the door behind me I just collapsed and broke the **** up.  Didn't see it coming at all.  I fear this is how things will be for quite some time.

[deathfun]

You're like how I could be if I was more metal.

theres lots of metal there. theres fast metal, slow metal, brutal metal, flowery metal, epic metal, virtuoso metal, metal that sound like **** but is still awesome, metal that makes you homicidal, metal that makes you suicidal, metal that makes you deicidal, metal that requires satanic sacrifice rituals (goat blood works best), metal for perverts (r.i.p. oderus urungus), metal with boobs, metal with weed, metal for hicks, metal for psychopaths, metal that makes you carve the bands name in your arm with a piece of broken glass (that you broke with your head), metal made by murderers, all kinds of metal, surely you can find some you like.

That's pretty metal.

THEY TRIED TO KIIIIIILL THE METAL BUT THE METAL WAS TOO STROOOOOOOOOOONG

[deathspeed]

Hang in there bro, reach out for help if you need it 

There's only one person I want to reach out to, and therein lies the problem. 

The quick version is the girl I've mentioned a few times before and that I'm deeply in love with just got engaged.  His name is Not Me.

I made it through work without incident.  Had some dwelling thoughts a couple times, and I now understand what it is to literally feel numb inside, but for the most part a normal day.  Bad traffic, pissed off navy folk, me pushing to make their jobs hell while feeling terrible about it because that's my goddamn job.  Walked around in a daze for the first bit and at the end from my car to my front door, but I thought I'd made it and was fine.  Except when I shut the door behind me I just collapsed and broke the **** up.  Didn't see it coming at all.  I fear this is how things will be for quite some time.

Dude, I have been there.  I showed up at her grad school commencement, intending to ask her to marry me afterward, and instead I got to meet her new boyfriend of five months that everyone else in the world already knew about and for some reason thought I was OK with.  It was like all the oxygen was sucked out of that gymnasium.  I literally do not remember the two hour drive home, except stopping to buy a pack of smokes.  For months, hearing her name or smelling her perfume would just tear me up.  I ended up burning the sheets on the bed we had last slept in, because I could still imagine that I could smell her perfume even though they had been washed at least a dozen times.

It takes time, but you will survive, and you will feel better eventually.  Paxil (antidepressant) and Buspar (antianxiety)helped speed up that time, but don't self-medicate (legal or illegal substances) and don't give up.  If your work has any sort of employee assistance program, take advantage of it.  Talking with a counselor made me feel like an idiot, but just talking did help.  I also did a lot of journaling, writing down thoughts and feelings. 

Also, I won't preach to you and this might not be a popular thing to say here, but praying to Jesus helps.  He listens.  I wish I had done more praying back then.  PM me if you want.

Hang in there.

[deathspeed]

Grr.  My stupid bad-word 480GTX died tonight.  I kept getting a black screen and then a message that the video driver failed and recovered, so I rolled back to an earlier driver but had the same thing.  I took the card out and blew out the dust, but there wasn't a whole lot as I had just done that a couple of months ago.  When I put it back in it worked for a few minutes, then I started getting artifacting like it was overheating, and then the screen froze up.  The fan was still turning and never ramped up like it does playing some games.  Using safe mode I updated the driver again, but now I just get a BSOD as soon as the Windows splash screen fades.  My options for internet access are use safe mode, or my tablet (which I hate typing on).  It's going to be a while before I can save up to get a comparable card.  I might have to go with the cheapest PCIe card I can find as a stopgap, but of course gaming would be out. 

[FireSpawn]

Running on 22 hours of no sleep thanks to the puppies barking all night. **** you daylight, I'll see you another time when I'm not feeling like my head is being used by Khorne as an arse rest.

[Scotty]

I totally read that as "being used by Korn as a drum set".  I think that'd suck rather more.

Leaving for 19 days starting in about six hours.  Goodbye, Kansas, hello annual training.

...

Are we done yet?

[Aardwolf]

There's only one person I want to reach out to, and therein lies the problem. 

At least she hasn't blocked you. Edit: never mind that, silly comparison to my own problems

...

I recently became more thoroughly convinced that my "one person", who I previously believed to have been the first person to ever block me on Facebook, was actually telling the truth when she told me, in person, that she hadn't blocked me, just changed her privacy settings. And not in the "blocking you is a privacy setting" sense.

Bleh.

[Mongoose]

I wish I could offer words of advice, but as far as I'm consciously aware, I've never felt genuine full-on romantic love towards anyone on my years on this rock.  I'm starting to wonder if it's less a case of never stumbling across the right person, and more a case of something wrong upstairs (which would be most likely related to the already-known things upstairs, but I digress).  I can't help but wonder how true that old "loved and lost" platitude really is.

[Luis Dias]

I think I never felt that badly for being rejected, somehow I always feel that is the common standard state of the universe, and it was rather the exception to that rule, not the rule itself, that surprised me and sort of traumatized me with excitement. Perhaps that general numbness and cynicism on my part was a coping mechanism, but even if it were just that it worked long enough until it didn't matter anymore.

So hang in there, it gets better.

[Sololop]

Quit my job of 3 years today. Feeling awesome about it. I should have done this years ago.

[Scourge of Ages]

Quit my job of 3 years today. Feeling awesome about it. I should have done this years ago.

That's a great feeling. Now for being unemployed! (though hopefully you already have something else)

[Nuke]

milk em' for every last scrap of unemployment you can get. even if you find work, dont start until you have scraped the barrel.

[Luis Dias]

Avery Brooks is worse than William Shatner at "subtlety acting", if that's even possible. Can that guy even try to hide his interior dillemmas? It's almost embarrassing to look at that guy pretending to be a competent commander, always on the verge of emotional collapse over the slightest issue. FOR ****S SAKE MAN GET YOUR GRIP TOGETHER.

[General Battuta]

In other words he's a perfect actor for Star Trek!

I don't think you get his acting, man. It's...real. Don't you see? IT'S - REAL!

[Luis Dias]

[AdmiralRalwood]

Don't you talk **** about my man Avery Brooks.

[Luis Dias]

Well I thought I had seen him top himself in his overreaction, trying to best Shatner in acting abilities, but then I saw the episode where he's playing a Klingon.

Oh.

Ooooh.

[Aardwolf]

I hate everything.