[StarSlayer]

I choose GTVA personnel management, I assign a continuous stream of dumb as a stump annoying space cadets to Dekker for training.  Eventually out of frustration and disgust he kamikazes himself into the side of a GTDr Amazon Advanced. 

[Nuke]

i choose R. Lee Ermy
you look like a maggot
*me sends r lee ermy to whip the recruits into shape*
"I'm gonna give you three seconds--exactly three ****ing seconds--to wipe that stupid lookin' grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull **** you!"
*starslayer ****s up, and gets skull****ed*

[StarSlayer]

*Starslayer squints real hard and cuts off nuke's wang*

*nuke bleeds out*

Yeah that was a dickhead move on my part, no pun intended:D

[Androgeos Exeunt]

I choose Billy Mays.

HI BILLY MAYS HERE! IF YOU'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WITH A REBELLIOUS STAR, THEN YOU NEED STARSLAYER! IT'S GOT THE POWER TO BREAK DOWN AND DISSOLVE A STAR THE SIZE OF CANIS MAJORIS WITHOUT THE RISK OF A BLACK HOLE OR SUPERNOVA. CALL NOW AND GET THE STARSLAYER FOR ONLY $1999.

*StarSlayer is deafened by Billy Mays and drenched in his saliva*

[Snail]

I choose the mute button.

[Commander Zane]

...

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

*... ... ... ...*

*Commander Zane becomes unmuted but cannot remember he would trump Snail*

Oh well.
I pick a Blackshark Missile.
It's like dividing by zero!

*Snail is sucked into the singularity, singularity explodes seconds later*

[FireSpawn]

I choose th Naggarok from cataclysm.

"You are what all life is to us - food!"

*you all get beastified*

[Colonol Dekker]

I love your sig bro.

But you smell like non-freespace-turdurken.

* Colonol Dekker unleashes the carnivorous giant shivan-space crack fuelled subspace chicken

you get BUCK-KAWWED!

[Nuke]

i choose the carl trap i drew on the hlp station
you look like you really want that bagged lunch hanging suspiciously on the string
*cd gets shredded by nuke warhead tipped bullets fired from a large gatling gun*

[FireSpawn]

I choose Dr Manhattn.
Your nuke tipped bullets get reduced to atoms before they hit and the bagged lunch gets eaten.

[esarai]

FireSpawn, you look ready for some extreme conspiracies.

I choose Veidt (aka Ozymandias) and set up an elaborate scheme to make it look as if Manhattan just blew up every single major city in the world so that the whole globe hate his ass and forces him into a distant galaxy. 

The world is safe once again.

[watsisname]

I choose a fuzzy.

Esarai, you look like you want to touch a fuzzy.

*Esarai gets dizzy*

lolwut

[IronBeer]

I choose sanity.

watsisname, you're looking nonsensical.

*watsisname vanishes in a puff of logic*

[Nuke]

i choose drunkenness

iron beer, you look like a very metal brewski
iron beer is consumed (along with many of his brothers) in a 7 hour long binge that ends with me in a puddle of vomit.

[esarai]

Nuke, you look intoxicated and about ready to pass out.

I summon the police and Nuke is arrested for public intoxication.