Do I always have to be the one? At Tuvok: Target Locked, Fire!!!
Welcome to the Hard Light Production Facility. Current topside temperature is 3000 degrees centigrade. Take note of any rogue ships outside. If you are attacked by a Zephyr, grab a nailgun and blow it in half. If attacked by a Spitfire, RUN!!! In case of an emergency, please allow the women, children, and Vasudans to leave first. Should you require weapons (nailguns aside), there is a flamethrower underneath your chair, but those are full of water, so I hope you brought your own stuff. If not, in case of attack, just run screaming at the enemy and hope something happens. In regards to the plasma rifles in the weapons lockers, only an Admin, a Volition god, or a hyper-intelligent shade of the color blue may open them. If you decide to explore our wonderful ducts, you may encounter Carl, our resident Shivan. If you do, just give him your lunch and back away slowly. If he gets mad......screw it, you're dead. Thank you, and have a pleasant stay.
My first welcome speech!
Did I do alright?