Act I: The Command Briefing
First of all, you have the Vice Admiral "on trail[sic] for destruction of property and loss of life", along with a mention of "insubordination". It would seem to me that if an admiral is being charged with insubordination, he would not be still commanding his squadron. I noticed something mentioning this earlier on, so I won't judge it too harshly- I haven't played any of the campaign except the missions leading up to First Strike.
In the very first part of stage 1, you recap part of what happened in the previous mission (which, btw, I though was put together well). I'm not sure why this was done, but it seems to me to be unnecessary.
There are numerous minor spelling and grammar mistakes, along with some wordy or confusing syntax. A common mistake (and an understandable one), so I'll gloss over this part.
Overall, the command brief is solidly put together with just a few nitpicks. 9/10.
Act II: The Briefing
The two stages have the exact same viewpoint, which is not lined up with the grid. This is a minor problem, but a well-placed viewpoint- whether lined up with the grid or not- can add immersion to a briefing.
I like the comment about Lennes that Roy makes. It's kept professional, like a briefing, but personal enough to give some life to the characters. It could have been worded a bit better, but either way it adds to the immersion. 9.5/10.
Act III: The Loadout
I do like that Alpha 1 can choose either a fighter or bomber role for the mission. That also implies that the wingmen don't have default orders, so I'm going to have to order them around- which is good. If Alpha 1 is leading a squadron, they should be waiting for his orders.
You have 5 of each fighter type available. To me, this screams "I HAVEN'T EDITED THE DEFAULT LOADOUTS". There should be 4 or 8 of each fighter available (12 if you want a surplus of some). Also, the choices available are a bit weird- Why would anyone take a Pegasus to a blockade? Why would anyone use, say, a Myrmidon when an Erinyes is available?
You have 100 Akhetons available for weapons and 500 Tempests, which means that you re-allowed these in the editor, then forgot to set the value (or thought the value was alright). 100 Akhetons is, needless to say, too many, and 500 Tempests is too few (500 Tempests will not fill even a single Herc 2). I'm only taking off a point for the Tempests, since it affects gameplay.
I'll make a note here about weapon compatibility: you've expanded the weapon compatibility of several fighters, which IMO decreases the variety in the fighters available. Weapon compatibility is as crucial an aspect of a ship as speed or hitpoints- many times I've taken a Herc 2 or a Perseus for a space superiority role, since the Myrmidon cannot normally use Harpoons. By removing these limitations, you've made choosing a fighter less interesting and less crucial to strategy.
You have both variants of the Cyclops available. How many Cyclops boms are there in FS2? Uno. They aren't both supposed to be available in the same mission, especially since the player cannot tell them apart.
I took a Herc 2 loaded up with Hornets and Harpoons to fly intercept. I'll probably need the cavernous missile bays for an extended engagement.
All in all, there are several problems with an otherwise passable loadout. 8/10.
Act IV: The Mission
The first thing I see is the Aquitaine sending a message... starting with "Petrarch here." First of all, Petrarch wouldn't be sending a transmission directly- he'd be with some tactical advisers planning for the mission. Also, he doesn't seem like the type to say "<name> here" - he's a bit more verbose than that.
The Aquitaine and Kiev are... disabled? Why is that? As far as I was aware, they were taking up formation to broadside anything that came through the node (which can be done by not giving them orders and beam-free-all'ing them, btw).
Unfortunately, you have a condition that we call "BoE syndrome". First of all... BEAMS BEAMS BEAMS! Being more of a junkie for more traditional warfare, I kind of prefer to see bombs, missiles and flak going everywhere. Second of all...
I've started engaging fighters, and now you've started to creep in to one of the worst aspects of BoE syndrome there is- My job as an interceptor is superfluous. So far, I have 5 kills, and I don't think any of them except one Seraphim have contributed to the mission. Sure, there's a lot to do, but my squadron and the capships' beams are doing it for me. If I don't kill a Seraphim or take out a beam turret, I can be assured that my wing will kill the fighter or that the cruiser will be dead before it can do much damage anyway.
The Vasudan cruisers arrive. I get killed by beamspam. The Vasudan cruisers arrive. I get killed by beamspam. The Vasudan cruisers arrive. I get killed by beamspam. I actually played this part of the mission through 4 times before deciding to retreat entirely from the engagement so I couldn't be fired at by the beams... and therein lies the main problem with the mission. I can do that, and it won't have any effect on the outcome. Basically what I'm playing is a glorified cinematic, where my fighter has nothing whatsoever to do with the battle. Even when the destroyer arrives, I can sit quietly at my starting position and watch the fireworks.
After the destroyer was pwned by the inordinate beam firepower, Command immediately tells me to warp out. Like they know nothing else is coming through. You know what I like to imagine happens after a mission like that? That the enemy force arrives with several juggernaughts and takes the entire system by force. It could happen.
At the moment, I have FS running in a window behind Firefox. My fighter is warping out. I have one kill- an Astaroth which decided to attack me. We sustained minimal casualties- I don't even think we lost a cruiser. The Demon didn't get a chance to fire its beams, since it took an odd turn to the left and then got disabled.
Overall, it was an alright cutscene, even though the camera didn't move much. 5/10.
Act V: The Debriefing
There isn't much to say here, because even after a long engagement involving a Shivan destroyer, you apparently didn't think there was much to say. Which is true in a way, the briefing covered it all- the mission went entirely according to plan.
Remember what I said about command briefings and recapping what's happened? The debriefing is an excellent place to do that. You'd need to disguise it or mask it so it sounds realistic, but it can (easily) be done.
Overall, there's not much, and what's there is somewhat lacking. 7/10.
Overall score: 7.7/10
[EDIT]: Haven't read some of the most recent replies. Will read and respond.
[EDIT2]: Spoon brought up the point that you can simply jump out and you can still pass, even getting the same debriefing (for this mission anyway). Grade for the mission dropped from 5 to 3.5, overall from 7.7 to 7.4. (I really should have weighted the mission more).
Also,
