
Me at work, climbing into the ceiling to open up the door beside me
Our closing manager decided to leave the only set of keys with the ability to open up that door in that room
So I climbed my ****ing way in there, opened up that ****, and made way with a single phrase
"Un****ing believable Jenna"
EDIT:
Random rant that I came up with for no real reason
Scents. Clearly people have no sense
Old Spice deodorant. Here I am looking at my options. I could smell like “White Water” or “Game Day” or “Pure Sport”. I crack open the lid and give it a whiff. I then proceed to attempt a correlation between the scent and the description to which I can’t, because “Pure Sport” makes me think sweat and blood.
I mean come the **** on. Why is it, that every deodorant for men has some obscure description as to what the the hell it smells like? How can I relate to “Showtime”? What kind of ****ing name for a scent is that?
“Oh hello there sir, what are you wearing? That scent is exquisite!”
“It’s nothing fancy, just SHOWTIME!”
Everytime I see that scent, I see Eddie Murphy’s face popping out of the label with Robert De Niro’s condescending look right behind him.
So my question is, where do these things come from? Aqua Reef? Swagger? I wasn’t even aware you could smell like swagger! BUT NOW YOU CAN WITH OLD SPICE SWAGGER. Who sits down there thinking “This smells like swagger, so it shall be thus named swagger”. What the ****
See, if I want to smell like something, I want something tangible. Something I know what the smell for it is.
Flame grilled steak for example. I know this smell. I would love to smell like steak all the time because that’s how I roll. Nobody will go asking “What is that god awful smell” to which I’ll have to respond with “Game Day”. No, it will be “My god, I feel like a ****ing steak right now” which opens up the perfect opportunity for “You can take a bite out of me anytime”.
But of course, we could always go with something simple. Vanilla, for example. There’s nothing wrong with walking about the mall smelling like vanilla. Why? Because vanilla is awesome and anyone who says otherwise are heretics. If they have an issue with a man smelling like vanilla, it’s just because they were jealous they didn’t think of that before they went off smelling like “Pure Sport”